My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 and 1/2 years. In most aspects, we have a great relationship. We like a lot of the same things, have similar "values," share many of the same friends, and just generally get along really well. We're passionate and love each other very much. The biggest source of contention in our relationship is that whereas I like 90 percent of what he likes he doesn't like most of the things that I like. I like the same music, movies, and activities as him. But the same can't be said for him when it comes to MY interests. So, when there's something that I want to do and want him to go with me, if it's not something he's interested in then he complains about it or refuses to go. He thinks I'm the one being selfish and unreasonable for wanting to make him do something that I know he doesn't like. Whereas, I feel like he doesn't appreciate my interests and doesn't want to put forth the time and energy to do the things that I like to do.
Keep reading for all the details of this dilemma.
The most recent example was that a local movie theater was playing my favorite movie of all time as a one night only event. I had asked him a week beforehand if he wanted to come, but he had kickball game planned already that evening (we're on a team together, but I can't play this season). I was understanding about it and didn't get upset that he kept his commitment to the team. But it rained yesterday so I thought the game would be cancelled and he would go with me. When I asked him about it again, he just flat out said "no." I told him that this was really special to me and I thought it would be kind of romantic. He didn't understand why it was a big deal and that he would be bored, so why would I want to drag him to something he's not going to enjoy? Obviously, a fight about it ensued.
It hurts my feelings when I feel like he doesn't care about the things that matter to me. I don't ask him to go to everything with me. And I don't always get mad every time he says no. But when special things come up, like going to my favorite movie or a wedding, he digs his heels into the ground and refuses to move or just complains about it before/after the event. He likes to remind me that he never makes me do things with him that I don't want to do. Which is pretty much true because I don't mind doing the things that he likes to do. And if there is something I'm really not interested in, it's never been a big deal. It's gotten to the point where I just don't want to ask him to do anything with me anymore and that just seems really unfair. I feel like he's being selfish and uncaring. Just once it would be nice for him to do something with me and he didn't complain about it.
We've talked about this many times over the years. As I said, it's always been the biggest source of fighting. I'm not sure what else I can say to him so that he understands where I'm coming from. Am I being selfish about this?