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Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship with an active, fun and fulfilling sex life. The other day, I was using his computer and came across a setting that allows you to see a list of the last ten website searches. Low and behold, all of them were wacky pornography sites and what I found nearly knocked the wind out of me.

I know that lots of guys look at porn, but not sights like "Straight Tricked Gay", "Bisexual Oral Sex" and "Beautiful She-Males!" I have never questioned my boyfriend's sexuality before, but now I am all ears. Does this mean that he is gay or bisexual? I am shocked, upset and confused and I don't know what to do. Alarmed Amy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Alarmed Amy
Finding your boyfriend's porn stash is definitely shocking, especially if he's never lead on that he's into it. It's good that you are aware that most men do look at pornography from time to time. Although it's disheartening, every man gets aroused differently. In this instance however, you have every right to be concerned with your boyfriend's choice of material. If his turn-ons include other men, I think it's time to have a talk with him.

Keep an open mind and remember, that just because he is viewing gay porn, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is gay. It could mean he is confused about his sexuality and maybe he is interested in experimenting. Also consider the possibility of someone else using his computer recently. Is there the chance this is all just a false alarm?

As upset as you are, make sure to approach your boyfriend in a non threatening way; chances are he will be defensive and quite embarrassed. Let him know how concerned you are and that you would appreciate some answers.

Ask your boyfriend if he is having urges to explore his sexuality outside your relationship. Also ask him if his pornography interests are a sign of something deeper. Try not to jump to any conclusions until you have all of your questions answered. You never know, there could be a funny story behind all of this after all.

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