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My Boyfriend Has a Drinking Problem

"My Boyfriend Has a Drinking Problem"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I confronted my live-in boyfriend about his drinking problem. He's having a hard time. Yesterday was his first day not drinking. I want to be there for him because it's hard for him. What else could I do to be supportive?

This is also really hard on me because he's so irritable. I explained that he shouldn't view me as the enemy, I'm on his side. He also wants to stop drinking for himself, not only because I said I would leave him. I don't want to bring up therapy unless he's having much more difficulty.

What else can I do? how can I be supportive? 

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lickety-split lickety-split 3 years
send him to AA or rehab.  if he really has a drinking problem, chances are he can't do it alone. this isn't YOUR ISSUE. don't make it your issue.  you cannot fix him.   join a support group yourself.  one for partners of alcoholics. that's what he is BTW.  he needs to be able to say that.  if he can't say it, he isn't ready to seriously address it. and if you can't say it then you are in denial. look up codependence. partnering w/ alcoholics can be a life pattern.    sounds ugly and harsh doesn't it?  that's because it is. good luck to you.
Silje Silje 3 years
I don't know how much you're already doing, but some things that comes to mind here are that you should avoid drinking too, for all and any occasion. Don't even go drinking without him. Also you should throw out or give away all the alcohol that's in your house. Let him help you with this so that it's your decision as a couple. Don't save anything, even the expensive stuff and the stuff he really doesn't like should be given away. Also, you could try taking him out places where it's not natural to enjoy (or abuse) alcohol, like a picnic with somje nice food and non-alcoholic beverages, theme parks, the beach? Avoid sitting on the sofa watching football at least, or going to the bar ;)    Maybe none of these ideas are any good, but you could run them by him and of course ask him what he needs you to do for him? It might be some kind of mind set, a routine that triggers his drinking, that you don't know about but he does, help him avoid that, at least until he's stronger :)    Best of luck to the both of you, I'm sure he will make it if he sets his mind to it! 
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
Agree with the ladies. You can't fix him, he has to be responsible for that. And it sounds like he's doing it without rehab, AA, or any other support besides you. I would advise you to take care of you first. Of course you love him, and want to stay by his side, but when and if you realize you are in over your head, you need to set him free. I would also recommend Al-Anon, which is for you, which is a group for the loved ones of those suffering from addiction. Best of luck.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
His not drinking is no solution to an addiction, and if he's doing it to please you you have now become part of his addictive process and he will resent you sorely. Just stop and go get help for you. You are so in over your head. Let go of the hot wire, go get help for yourself to understand why you are trying to treat a grown man you want to be a life partner (think about that -- deeply) like a child? Learning to take care of himself (finally) is what dealing with addiction is all about, you trying to help him do it is the antithesis of growing up -- for either of you.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
If your boyfriend is an alcoholic, then he needs help to conquor his addiction....more help than you can give. If he continues to work this on his own, the statistics say he'll be back drinking pretty quickly. What he needs is the kind of support a program like AA can provide for him. One of the requirements of this program is that he seek them out. He has to take himself to meetings, he has to make the effort to find a sponsor at the meetings, to call his sponsor when he's struggling.....all of the things that go with working for healing within an addiction. Suggesting AA is how you can support your boyfriend. Suggesting he get help, and educating yourself about addiction, so that you can know what to expect, is how you can also support yourself. There are few relationships more difficult than with an alcoholic or addict, and relapse is a part of this disease....over 90 % have consistent relapse, it's just part of this issue, part of this disease. There is no cure for alcoholism....there is only maintenance, a constant working for sobriety, lifelong, on the part of the afflicted, and the support of friends and family in this process are critical. However, you can't help someone who refuses to help themselves, and this is one of those issues that you can't white knuckle through. It's not about strength of will, or determination to do or be something else....unless that strength of will and determination are used in a positive effort and a realistic effort towards getting the help that EVERY alcohollic needs to address their addiction.
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