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I'm 24 and Engaged, and No, I'm Not Too Young to Get Married

My Boyfriend Has Had More Sexual Partners Than Me

Sunday Confessional: Lacking Experience

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 months. Shortly after getting together we had the "numbers" talk, and at the time I was virgin. We discussed the fact that he had been with 4 women. A few months later he became my "first." I didnt really have too much of an issue with his past at first, but then I didnt think we would be together this long or that he would potentially be the one that I wind up being with for the rest of my life.

Now I can't help but think that I should have more experience before I settle down with one guy, especially since he was my first and he has had previous partners.

Am I wrong for wanting to have at least one other encounter, should I be guilty for thinking like this?

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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nyxmoxie nyxmoxie 5 years
My bf and I are each others first. He's three years older than me, and we did it last year in 2009. I just turned 27 in January 2010 and he turned 30 this past February 2010. Yes our birthdays are very close.I don't regret that he's the only guy that I've ever had sex with. Its not like we planned it either, its just how things in life turned out for us. And no we didn't do it for religious reasons, we're not religious. We're not even spiritual.Actually I wish that I had met him earlier in life so that we wouldn't have had to wait until our late 20s to find out what sex was like. He's cute, intelligent, funny, ethical, encouraging, etc. Not only that but he's my best friend too. We were best friends before we started dating.Sometimes that's just how things turn out in life and I don't feel bad about it. Neither should you. Yes you're inexperienced but so what, that's not why your bf chose you. He chose you because he likes you. My bf and I have a great relationship, not because we met each other as virgins but because of so many other things that are more important first. Honestly, you shouldn't feel about this and like someone else said, don't throw away a great relationship on just this one thing. You gotta remember that most people have sex before they meet each other, and if other people are able to have serious monogamous relationships even when they weren't virgins then you can too. So what matters most, a great relationship or the fact that you didn't have experience when you met him? Don't feel too bad about being inexperienced. And no I don't think you should feel guilty, you're human.
nyxmoxie nyxmoxie 5 years
My bf and I are each others first. He's three years older than me, and we did it last year in 2009. I just turned 27 in January 2010 and he turned 30 this past February 2010. Yes our birthdays are very close. I don't regret that he's the only guy that I've ever had sex with. Its not like we planned it either, its just how things in life turned out for us. And no we didn't do it for religious reasons, we're not religious. We're not even spiritual. Actually I wish that I had met him earlier in life so that we wouldn't have had to wait until our late 20s to find out what sex was like. He's cute, intelligent, funny, ethical, encouraging, etc. Not only that but he's my best friend too. We were best friends before we started dating. Sometimes that's just how things turn out in life and I don't feel bad about it. Neither should you. Yes you're inexperienced but so what, that's not why your bf chose you. He chose you because he likes you. My bf and I have a great relationship, not because we met each other as virgins but because of so many other things that are more important first. Honestly, you shouldn't feel about this and like someone else said, don't throw away a great relationship on just this one thing. You gotta remember that most people have sex before they meet each other, and if other people are able to have serious monogamous relationships even when they weren't virgins then you can too. So what matters most, a great relationship or the fact that you didn't have experience when you met him? Don't feel too bad about being inexperienced. And no I don't think you should feel guilty, you're human.
tarabara1229 tarabara1229 5 years
I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I dated a lot in high school, but never took it all the way. The first guy I dated in college ended up being the person I lost my virginity to, and he's the only sexual partner I've had since (we've been dating for 8 years). Sure, sometimes I wonder, "what if...", but I'm so happy with him, and that's certainly not something I'd risk losing.
ashleydawn ashleydawn 5 years
Both my husband and I waited until we were married to have sex. We were both virgins when we got married and neither of us feel like we missed out on anything. There is always going to be what-if's, whether you stay together and ask 'what if we broke up and I slept with other people?' or if you broke up and asked 'what if we stayed together and he was my only one?' Most people could go through life and only have one partner, if it was the right person for them to spend their life with. You just need to think long and hard about your relationship and what it means to you. Also, the time spent in a relationship is different for everyone, but ten months is not that short. My hubby knew I was the one after two weeks, proposed after 9 months, and we've been married for also two years now!! :) Never been happier!
ashleydawn ashleydawn 5 years
Both my husband and I waited until we were married to have sex. We were both virgins when we got married and neither of us feel like we missed out on anything. There is always going to be what-if's, whether you stay together and ask 'what if we broke up and I slept with other people?' or if you broke up and asked 'what if we stayed together and he was my only one?' Most people could go through life and only have one partner, if it was the right person for them to spend their life with. You just need to think long and hard about your relationship and what it means to you.Also, the time spent in a relationship is different for everyone, but ten months is not that short. My hubby knew I was the one after two weeks, proposed after 9 months, and we've been married for also two years now!! :) Never been happier!
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I completely agree with RoaringSilence. Don't toss out a great relationship over your number (or lack thereof) of sexual partners. No matter how many you've been with, you will probably wonder/fantasize about others. It isn't worth throwing away a great relationship with someone who might be life-partner material. On the other token, if this is really not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with and would like to see other people and experience other things, then don't let someone else hold you back from the life you want to lead. Just think long and hard about what your desires are and act accordingly. Best of luck in whatever you choose :)
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I completely agree with RoaringSilence. Don't toss out a great relationship over your number (or lack thereof) of sexual partners. No matter how many you've been with, you will probably wonder/fantasize about others. It isn't worth throwing away a great relationship with someone who might be life-partner material. On the other token, if this is really not the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with and would like to see other people and experience other things, then don't let someone else hold you back from the life you want to lead. Just think long and hard about what your desires are and act accordingly. Best of luck in whatever you choose :)
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
It doesn't matter if you've been with none or a hundred people before you start a monogamous relationship.. you'll always wonder what it's like to sleep with other people. If not in general, then upon meeting certain people. Generally everyone who's in a relationship misses that aspect of dating, and everyone who's single and free to sleep with whoever they want, misses having a relationship. I wouldn't risk a beautiful relationship over it.
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 5 years
It doesn't matter if you've been with none or a hundred people before you start a monogamous relationship.. you'll always wonder what it's like to sleep with other people. If not in general, then upon meeting certain people. Generally everyone who's in a relationship misses that aspect of dating, and everyone who's single and free to sleep with whoever they want, misses having a relationship. I wouldn't risk a beautiful relationship over it.
shreerose shreerose 5 years
I agree with Betty Wayne.
shreerose shreerose 5 years
I agree with Betty Wayne.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
I also wonder if the issue is the number of sex partners, or the relationship itself. I'm leaning towards you're not confident that he is the one you want to end up with. More dating experience will help you decide what you really want, but then again, it won't necessarily land you a way better guy. Then again, if you're young there's no need to rush anything.
imLissy imLissy 5 years
I was in a similar situation, but it never really bothered me all that much that I would only sleep with one guy. It certainly never bothered me that he slept with a couple other girls. He was 24, I sure as hell hope he had slept with other girls. We got married this year.There are some good things about only sleeping with one person: I think it makes it more special, you'll never regret sleeping with person x, you won't be comparing to person x, less risk for STDs ...At the end of the day, it's just sex and there's lots of things you'll never experience in life. You just have to decide how much it will bother you 10 years from now that you never slept with anyone else.
imLissy imLissy 5 years
I was in a similar situation, but it never really bothered me all that much that I would only sleep with one guy. It certainly never bothered me that he slept with a couple other girls. He was 24, I sure as hell hope he had slept with other girls. We got married this year. There are some good things about only sleeping with one person: I think it makes it more special, you'll never regret sleeping with person x, you won't be comparing to person x, less risk for STDs ... At the end of the day, it's just sex and there's lots of things you'll never experience in life. You just have to decide how much it will bother you 10 years from now that you never slept with anyone else.
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
I'm in a similar situation, but I can't tell you what to do. I met my guy at 18, he was my first and only. We've now been together for 5 1/2 years. A small part of me wishes I had dated more (not sex, just general dating), but that's not something that's going to make me break up with my guy. I think you need more time in this relationship to figure things out (I hate to say this, but you're still in the honeymoon phase). Don't break up with him just to have more sexual partners, you may lose him forever and regret it. And as Venus said, is it because your bf has had more sexual partners?
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
I'm in a similar situation, but I can't tell you what to do. I met my guy at 18, he was my first and only. We've now been together for 5 1/2 years. A small part of me wishes I had dated more (not sex, just general dating), but that's not something that's going to make me break up with my guy. I think you need more time in this relationship to figure things out (I hate to say this, but you're still in the honeymoon phase). Don't break up with him just to have more sexual partners, you may lose him forever and regret it. And as Venus said, is it because your bf has had more sexual partners?
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
My advice may have been OK but the moral behind the story is put your contacts in or your glasses on before you start typing! Sorry about the typos.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
I think Venus gave some really good advice, especially about addressing the main issue. It would help to know how old you are, and why you waited to have sex with him. You sound like you're young and were just waiting for a decent guy to come along, and now you've developed deeper feelings than you thought you would.10 months is a short period of time, especially since he was your first, to decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. If you decide that exploring your sexuality with others is something you need, don't be afraid to do it. If it's meant to be between you and your current boyfriend, you two will meet up again at a later time.Best wishes! Sex is fun and you should never guilt-trip yourself over wanting it, no matter who you want it with.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
I think Venus gave some really good advice, especially about addressing the main issue. It would help to know how old you are, and why you waited to have sex with him. You sound like you're young and were just waiting for a decent guy to come along, and now you've developed deeper feelings than you thought you would. 10 months is a short period of time, especially since he was your first, to decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. If you decide that exploring your sexuality with others is something you need, don't be afraid to do it. If it's meant to be between you and your current boyfriend, you two will meet up again at a later time. Best wishes! Sex is fun and you should never guilt-trip yourself over wanting it, no matter who you want it with.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
This is a difficult one for you.Personally I would not have been ready to settle down with my first lover. We are all different but it sounds as if your thought may be similar. I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is what is the main issue here?1. Is it that h has had 4 other lovers?2. Is it that you personally want to experience the sharing and pleasure with at leas one other?Once you think you know the answer to the above you can follow your heart and decide what the next step is.I'm sure others will have very different views. Drop me a PM if you would like to discuss further though.Best wishes and good luck with whatever path you decide to go down.
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
This is a difficult one for you. Personally I would not have been ready to settle down with my first lover. We are all different but it sounds as if your thought may be similar. I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is what is the main issue here? 1. Is it that h has had 4 other lovers? 2. Is it that you personally want to experience the sharing and pleasure with at leas one other? Once you think you know the answer to the above you can follow your heart and decide what the next step is. I'm sure others will have very different views. Drop me a PM if you would like to discuss further though. Best wishes and good luck with whatever path you decide to go down.
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