My boyfriend has a problem with lying. But the thing is, he doesn't see what he does as lying. He tells me it's not a lie. Then, he says it's only 1/4th of a lie. Then he says it's a half-truth. And then he goes right back to saying he didn't lie.
I can tell when he's lying. He freezes up and becomes stone cold. Perhaps that's his kind of poker face. I don't know. Anyway, I've caught him in all sorts of small lies. Out of curiosity, I asked him if he looked at porn. When he said no, I was stunned. I thought that all men looked at porn. Even I look at porn (I'm a girl), and I was trying to use the conversation to bring up the topic of us viewing porn together. Then, I found out he lied, and that he does look at porn quite a bit. I'm not upset about him viewing porn; I'm upset that he lied about it. To me, it shows that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing everything with me, even though he says that he can. I don't know why he doesn't. Another lie I caught him in is when he was going out to party. He said he was just staying in. Then he said he had planned to go to that party since several weeks ago, and that he would only stay for a few hours because he was just going for his guy friend. He stayed out all night and into the late morning. Another lie is when he went over to a sketchy house, but refused to tell me he was there. He said he didn't have plans. I found out from a friend that they were all going there for a party, and that they planned to get high (when I expressed my disapproval of getting high, he said he wouldn't do it . . . but only for me; he really wanted to do it). Another lie is when he said he had never had a sexual relationship with anyone. He once asked me if I was friends with past crushes/flings, and I said no. He said it would be inappropriate and that he'd never do that. Lo and behold, he is friends with his past crushes and flings. He has told other lies, but these are the ones that stick out the most for me.
Keep reading for the rest of the dilemma.
Oh, wait, another thing is that he is currently going behind my back to rent out our car to a total stranger for about a month. I had no idea he was going to do this, and I'm upset. It's our car, not just his; the stranger is of course not on our insurance plan or the registration. It's a stupid and risky move.
I have been having doubts about our relationship. I love him so much, and I really want things to work out. I want him to be honest with me 100 percent, and not lie or cover the truth up. But I feel like he can never give that to me. He is my first boyfriend. We've been together for three years, and we live together. Other than this, he doesn't really have any other big problems. He sometimes gets overwhelmed with work, so I feel a bit neglected emotionally and physically. He has also had some slight boundary issues with female friends that I was uncomfortable with. Objectively, I can view the boundary issues as not a big deal. But I'm me, and I have certain boundaries. He is okay with having female friends cry on his shoulder and lean on him for support; I am not. He is okay with being cutesy with female friends; I am not. He is okay with spending time with them one-on-one for hours upon hours talking about sexual things; I am not. He comes from a different, much more liberal culture than I do, so I can understand where he's coming from. But to my understanding, relationships are about compromise (within reason). I feel like I am not being unreasonable. I have compromised for him in the past, but he seems unwilling to do the same for me because he doesn't think he has a problem. He thinks the problem is me. He thinks that all our relationship problems are my fault, and that he has his flaws too but that they are not such a big deal.
What I want to ask is this: Can this relationship work out? Do any of you share similar experiences? I'm just so confused and I don't know what to do. I just know that I don't want to break up with him. But what's the point in staying if there's nothing that I can do to make it work? I certainly can't force it.
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