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My Boyfriend Is a Jerk

"My Boyfriend Is a Jerk"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend makes such hurtful comments that he has me crying at least once a week. I also see him checking other women out right in front of me. I know that he feels unattractive and I wonder if he says stuff to me because he feels inadequate. He has told me my butt is too big and my breasts are too small. He told me I should have breast augmentation to just have a lift. He wants me to set up a three way with another woman. To be honest I love him and hate the thought of sharing him. He makes me feel inadequate in every way. I have started to take prescription anxiety medicines frequently because I am in tears most of the time. He told me the woman he wants to have for our three way and she is pretty but I feel like why should I be there if he wants her why not just have her and let me go? I don't understand him at all. He wants to talk about marriage but I could never marry this man. Every time I try to break free something he says brings me back. I want away from him and I don't want to get pulled back. Why can't I stay away from him. I deleted him from my cell phone, I deleted him from my email. I have blocked his text messages. What else can I do to keep from being pulled back in?

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MENDOCHICK MENDOCHICK 4 years
C'mon everybody- I'm sure she doesn't WANT to have low self esteem! And she's obviously not into the drama or she wouldn't be reaching out for help! My advice would be to see a therapist, a close friend or even a stranger and be ready to LISTEN to what they are saying. Love is supposed to be a GOOD thing. Some people are not capable of love, but I think you are. Ditch this guy! You ARE worth it! Good luck!
joycean joycean 4 years
This is a perfect opportunity to understand why you do the things you do even though it causes you so much pain. Perhaps there are some underlying fears of being alone...or you don't believe you deserve better. But if you really want to be happier and work on this, I recommend seeing a therapist or counselor that can help you process this all. Hang in there. Lots of women feel your pain, and you are not alone. I wish you the best.
juicebox07 juicebox07 4 years
I agree with spacekatgal. If you're unhappy, leave. It's not that hard. I know sometimes it can be hard to end things with somebody, but you will feel so much better and happier when you do. I know because I was in a relationship where I wasn't treated right and became unhappy. Once we broke up, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and my life has been much better since. Plus, you already said you don't see yourself being with this guy in the future, so why waste time with him now?
lanwa lanwa 4 years
Spacekatgirl doesn't get it....You were in an "Emotionally Abusive" relationship!!!...you need some counseling to break the cycle. Abusers lure you in, and then when you are dependent chip away at your self esteem, until you don't know whether you're coming or going, you feel like you're going crazy- If you're on meds to deal with this relationship-it's not for you wouldn't you agree? And pls. call community assistance to get a referral if you can't get one from your dr. there is a pattern here, and you sound like you need help to break the cycle. Walking away isn't always as easy as it sounds on paper. i know. I'm taking the steps to get a divorce myself after feeling like I was going crazy for years. Help is out there-FIND it and GET it! Your very life depends upon it! good luck! You deserve better-and he is NOT it!
hiptobesquare hiptobesquare 4 years
I completely understand - just stay strong! It is complicated when you're in a verbally abusive situation such as this; Leaving can and is very hard. Stay busy and if he gets a hold of you just ignore it. If you don't respond you can't get pulled back into yet another ridiculous argument. If he becomes threatening, get a restraining order. Good luck!
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
Get away from him completely. Take up a hobby that can take up your free time -- find other people to help.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
You need to remember how bad he makes you feel every time he tries to get you back.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
The real first step is to stop calling him your "boyfriend." This man is not your boyfriend anymore; he is your ex-boyfriend. Tell him that; tell your friends that; tell your family that. And then cease all contact with your boyfriend. You've already given him way too many chances, and he doesn't deserve any more. Tell yourself every single day that you will never return to that man. Constantly tell yourself that you deserve better, and that you will one day find better. Tell yourself that you will never again let another person hurt you in that way. And keep reminding yourself that your ex is a bad man, full of lies and unkept promises, and will never change. Make a list of all his bad qualities, complete with examples, if you must, and hang it in your bedroom next to your light switch (so you'll see it every day). And make it a point to read that list every day. Next time, when he tries to swindle you back into a relationship with him, the pain of the relationship will be freshly seared in your memory, and you'll be less likely to focus on all the good in the relationship. Later on, when you feel like you've moved on, you can take down the list. In the meantime, focus on yourself, your family, your career/education, and your friends. Go out and have fun. Make meaningful relationships (and I don't mean boyfriends- I mean friendships). Find new and interesting things to do. Just do anything that will take your mind off of your ex, and start to rebuild your happiness :)
henna-red henna-red 4 years
agreeing with all of the above! Also, instead of talking to him, find a friend to talk to instead. Someone who loves you and is emotionaly supportive. Avery time you feel the urge to repsond to him, call your supportive friend instead for that boost, that reasurrance. I think a counselor coule be very helpful for you, to go along with the meds. Take action on your own behalf. And maybe find something that you like about yourself every day, and remind yourself of that thing several times during the day. You are worth so much more than this abusive piece of shit. You absolutely need to maintain that block. Don't speak to him again! His actions are vile and ugly and damaging and it doesn't matter why at this point. The why is for him to deal with, not for you. You've made the first step, cutting him off. Keep that up. Now it's time for you to deal with healing you. Your butt is not too big. Your breasts are beautiful. You are the perfect representation of you and he does not deserve you and you do not deserve to be beaten down by his vindictive abuse. Good for you that you've taken him out. If you need encouragement, come back here, talk to me, talk to us, we'll encourage you. Give your emotions time to release him, time to disconnect. So many people who suffer abuse become so accustomed to it, that they flounder a bit when it's gone. Give yourself time and breathing space to feel life without this damage, this ugly, ugly hateful spiteful crap! Don't hear him, don't listen to him, don't give him any more space or time or opportunity. At all. Ever. Blessed be girl, you can do this.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
Blocking him and deleting him is the first step. The second and harder step is developing a sense of self-worth. if you had that you would not have let him do this to you in the first place. Be single, maybe see a counselor, and reconnect with what makes you special and important.
Mandana85 Mandana85 4 years
God, why men are being this Bold these days?!! Is immodesty becomming a new fashion? this is like the hundredth time I read about men flat out saying such things to women. Delete him from your life. that is what you ought to do. don't let him sweet talk you into comming back.
Pazuzu Pazuzu 4 years
Yup break up and delete him from your life. Do you have facebook? Block him on that. If he comes to your house don't answer the door, don't read any letters he might send. Find any possible means of communication and make sure he cant reach you through that. If he keeps trying to contact you get a restraining order. This guy is a jerk and you need to get away. Everything he says is a lie, don't let him pull you back, its not true. You recognize hes scum, keep repeating that in your head if he manages to contact you. If he approaches you at the mall tell him to leave or you'll get a security guard, try to walk away. Tune him out, keep repeating "you're a lying scumbag, you're a jerk, I'm better and deserve more".He'll move on to someone else soon, you just need to stay strong while hes atoll pursuing you. Look into a restraining order, talk to your local police about what legal measures you can take.
Hiding55 Hiding55 4 years
Sounds like you got it covered. The only way to break free is to break off all contact with him.
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