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My Boyfriend Messaged His Ex-Girlfriend

"He Emailed an Ex to Say He Dreamed About Her"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!

So here we go. Let's keep it simple. I have a wonderful, kind, and caring boyfriend. We will be together two years at the end of this month. Here is the problem: While I have never caught him cheating on me, when we first started dating (like two months in) I caught him sending messages back and forth with his ex-girlfriend and some other girls, and I wasn't too happy with the content. We spoke about it, and he stopped.

So, he hasn't done anything like that in a LONG time (I've checked up on him), but recently I was at his apartment before he got home and went to use his computer to log into my gmail. Well, when I typed in "gmail" it automatically opened his account because he was still signed in, and the first thing I saw was a message from his ex-girlfriend. Of course, I read it. (You would, too.) There was only one message each way. It was one to her saying that she was in his dream, asking her how she was, how her son was, etc. Also that she has a new hairdo. The message back to him was, kid is doing great, life is good, my new hairdo is awesome blah blah.

Here's where the problem lies. I know that the message is innocent. But he has told me time and time again that he doesn't talk to his exes because it's a waste of time. This girl was his "first love" in college and it ended terribly and he was totally head over heels in love with her. He doesn't think that I should talk to my ex-boyfriend (who is struggling with a drug addiction so he messages me every once in a while to ask for forgiveness, part of the 12 steps), but it's OK for him to message her and tell her that he had a dream about her? I don't want to bring this up because I don't want him to think I was snooping (I really wasn't . . . he shouldn't leave things logged in), but now I am feeling insecure. Any tips?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice.

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doucettr doucettr 2 years
You really have no choice but to drop it. The email was friendly, it's not like he said "I had a dream about you and it made me miss you" Take a deep breathe and just let it ride.
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