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My Boyfriend Says I'm Fat

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend Says I'm Too Fat For Sex

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years.  I was overweight when we got together and have since lost 20+ pounds.  We had wonderful sex at first which tapered off then finally stopped altogether.  We have been going to the gym regularly and I have changed my diet to exclude processed food and eat as healthily as possible.  Last month he told me I was too fat to be sexually attractive to him.  I was stunned and completely at a loss for words.

When I finally got my thoughts and temper under control, I tried talking to him, telling him that it was very hurtful and mean to say that to me.  He said he wasn't sorry and that's what the TV show "Biggest Loser" has taught him to do.  He still maintains he is perfectly right for saying that to me.  I am doing my best to become financially stable enough to tell him to leave and have also told him I will never have sex again with him again.

When we are home together, he follows me everywhere, goes everywhere I do and it drives me crazy.   When he's at work he calls me three times during each break to talk with me, but there is never anything really to talk about.

Because of what he said, he has become sexually unattractive to me.  Was he justified in what he said, like he tells me he is?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Kimberly2867366 Kimberly2867366 3 years
I am wondering if this boyfriend is kind of abusive? I mean he sounds kind of controlling. Following you around and not giving you any space and calling you repeatedly sounds controlling. Then he tells you that you are fat. Is he trying to destroy your self worth so that you will not leave him for anyone else? It sounds like the behaviors of an abuser. Also, he has you financially strapped ..once again another red flag of a controlling abusive person. If he isnt abusive now..he might be in the future. I would forget about this relationship and work on yourself for awhile. I know..because I am in the exact same situation.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
I'm so glad to see a post that starts with "My bf says I'm too..." and doesn't end with "How can I change to be better for him?" You're right to be done with him. There's a difference between being honest and being mean. What he said was mean. Plus, if he's the kind of guy to take relationship and communication lessons from reality tv, probably not a guy you want to keep around.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 4 years
He's turning into an abusive and controlling boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated that way. Kick his ass out!
TNEllis TNEllis 5 years
I hope by now u have left this, or ditched him! :)
dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
you are a strong girl,,,i have cellulite and fat allover my body, but i wont accept my bf telling me the things that jerk told you..yes, we were talking and he said i would better if i lost some weight, but he never tried to connect this to our sexual relation, he had to add the sentence"i love you whatever the size you wear, and you still look good, but you'll be better" to make sure i'll accept his opinion
dark-chocola dark-chocola 5 years
you are a strong girl,,, i have cellulite and fat allover my body, but i wont accept my bf telling me the things that jerk told you..yes, we were talking and he said i would better if i lost some weight, but he never tried to connect this to our sexual relation, he had to add the sentence"i love you whatever the size you wear, and you still look good, but you'll be better" to make sure i'll accept his opinion
vivalacara vivalacara 5 years
well good for you to stand up for yourself and to know how rude he's being! i think that was pretty smart of you. sounds like it's time to move on. keep strong! oh and, never lose weight for anyone but yourself. if you are happy being thick, then don't change for someone else. if you feel like you should continue on working on your weight, then you can do it. 20 lbs is a lot to lose! i just hope you don't let his rude comments get to you, even though i know it's hard not to let that happen. be comfortable in your skin and keep standing up for yourself and you will do just fine. ps. ditch the bitch, you deserve better :)
vivalacara vivalacara 5 years
well good for you to stand up for yourself and to know how rude he's being! i think that was pretty smart of you.sounds like it's time to move on. keep strong!oh and, never lose weight for anyone but yourself. if you are happy being thick, then don't change for someone else. if you feel like you should continue on working on your weight, then you can do it. 20 lbs is a lot to lose!i just hope you don't let his rude comments get to you, even though i know it's hard not to let that happen. be comfortable in your skin and keep standing up for yourself and you will do just fine. ps. ditch the bitch, you deserve better :)
ashley91803 ashley91803 5 years
this is a little confusing to me!!! you where heavier when u met him and the sex was all the time but now that you have lost 20lbs you should be really attractive to him now not the other way around!! this guy is a jerk and you need to get rid of him!! im not a friggin model myself after having a baby and my b/f is skinny but he loves me for me not my wieght and if he does honey he obviously does not love you and is getting his "happy ending" with another girl!!!
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
It's never ok or "right" to verbally or emotionally abuse someone (male or female)... that's just cruel. Dump him into the street at your first opportunity and learn from the experience for next time. Keep your spirits up. Lose the weight to get to a healthy number and maintain a healthy lifestyle and eating regiment.Then go hunt down a cute - and kind - guy and work your magic!!!
Jake2010 Jake2010 5 years
It's never ok or "right" to verbally or emotionally abuse someone (male or female)... that's just cruel. Dump him into the street at your first opportunity and learn from the experience for next time. Keep your spirits up. Lose the weight to get to a healthy number and maintain a healthy lifestyle and eating regiment. Then go hunt down a cute - and kind - guy and work your magic!!!
Cyclechick001 Cyclechick001 5 years
Congratulations on your weight loss! Seems like he has some insecurity issues and is feeling less secure since your weight loss. He may feel like you are getting more attention from other men and he is trying to put you down so you feel too badly about yourself to act on all of it. Either way, he is a douche and not good enough for you. Celebrate your hard work and feel great about yourself. You don't need him bringing you down. Lose THAT extra weight!
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
How can you be too fat if you lost 20+ pounds??
ayuninur ayuninur 5 years
he's a jerk. leave him!
ayuninur ayuninur 5 years
he's a jerk. leave him!
lauraxtc lauraxtc 5 years
Oh Hell no! Leave him.
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