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Is My Boyfriend Too Good to Be True?

"Is He the One? Or Am I Caught Up in a Fantasy?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I met this guy three weeks ago and what can I say, he's a gentleman in every sense of the word. We've seen each other every weekend Friday-Sunday and go on great dates ranging from meeting for coffee, dinner, a movie, playing pool, dancing, or going to the park or the beach. When we meet, a one hour planned date can turn into two hours or even five hours. I truly enjoy his company and we have a lot in common when it comes to likes, dislikes, personality, dreams, and desires. We talk about everything and have been very open about our feelings. Besides holding hands, hugs, and the occasional little kiss, there has been no sex or heavy petting. There hasn't even been a conversation about sex. Honestly, I'm relieved. But is he too good to be true?

I like him a lot. I look forward to the next time I'll be seeing him, however I do feel overwhelmed emotionally at times. I think it's because I've been hurt in the past and don't want that to happen again. It's obvious that he likes me a lot and lately he's been bringing up the future. He said that he would like for us to become "we." Yesterday, we discussed our feelings on marriage vs. living together; although I've been married before, having two girls, I don't believe in living with someone outside of marriage. He had a bad divorce and knows other people who have had bad experiences, which makes him OK with living together without actually being married. He will get married again if that's the only way I would consider living with him in the future. The conversation was a wow moment for me, but what left me speechless came a little later in the conversation when I told him I can't believe that I'll be 40 next year. His response was that he hopes he can marry me by then. I'm interested in being exclusive with him, but because of my past experiences I'm very cautious. I want to take it slow and really get to know him. He is aware, he said he'll wait for me to be ready, but he wonders how long it will take for me to feel totally comfortable with him. Are things moving too fast? Is it possible to fall in love or to be falling in love that quickly? Am I just afraid?

When we are together, he is there with me wholeheartedly. When he wants to talk to me he always texts first and asks before calling. If he texts and I don't respond right away, he'll text me a couple more times and then ask for me to get in touch with him. He has to wake up 4:30 in the morning so I hardly ever call or text him after 9 p.m., leaving it open for him to contact me first if he's awake. As a matter of fact, it's usually him that does the initial text or call; however, the few times that I do call or text him first it can take up to 30 minutes for him to return a call or respond to a text. Sometimes, if I text late at night, I won't hear from him until he gets home from work the next evening. I've asked him why he texts more than calls and he says that he doesn't want to bother me if I'm busy. I told him I'll let him know if I'm busy. So now he calls, but he still always texts first. What bothers me is that he doesn't acknowledge missing my call or my text until the following evening, even when I leave a message saying that I have a question to ask. When we just met he told me he has very bad reception, and we've had issues with calls dropping and bad reception. Am I making too much of this? Am I just looking for a fault?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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