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Is My Engagement Ring Fake?

Dear Sugar
I am so excited about my recent engagement. My soon to be husband is wonderful, generous and as charming as can be. His proposal was everything I had dreamed of and the ring was perfect; I couldn't ask for anything more.

A few days after my fiancé proposed, I went to have my ring appraised and insured. I was stunned when I got a call this morning from the appraiser who told me that my stunner was a cubic zirconia! Purchasing a fake diamond is so not like my fiancé. He has wonderful taste and he's been saving for two years for the ring so I know that he can afford it.

I am concerned that perhaps he got ripped off and doesn't know that it's not real. Or do you think he bought a fake ring and hoped that I would never find out? I love my fiancé and my ring so much. He's never lied to me before. I don't know what to do? If he was taken for a ride with my ring I just know that he's going to feel so stupid. What should I do? Should I say something to him or not? Faked Out Franny

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Faked Out Franny
If you feel in your heart of hearts that your man is being duped, I would absolutely let him know; and the sooner the better. Do you know where he purchased the ring? Is it like him to make a purchase that significant without checking out his sources?

This could be a very awkward conversation so I think the best way to approach him is to be as straightforward and honest as possible. Try saying something like this:

"Honey, I just got back from getting my ring appraised and he told me it was a cubic zirconia! I love my ring regardless of the value, but I thought I should let you know in case you thought you bought a diamond. I know this was a big purchase and I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting ripped off."

If he was sold an imitation diamond, he's going to be incredibly appreciative that you told him so he can take the ring back and hopefully get reimbursed. Another suggestion would be to take your ring to another appraiser just to be certain you are getting the correct information. You never know if the appraiser is trying to rip you off as well.

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1800marryme 1800marryme 8 years
You can test it quite easily yourself. If you have the jeweler take it out of the setting, and turn it upside down....flat side of diamond down on a piece of newspaper if you can read through it like glass its CZ with a perfect round reflection its glass...cz. IF its a little blurry not perfect looking when you look through then it is a real diamond. 1800marryme
chutzpah chutzpah 9 years
Lots of jewelry chains are known for switching stones. Make sure he bought it at a reputable jeweler. Also, if the stone was a very nice one it's possible that the place you took it for an appraisal could have switched the stones on you. It happens all the time...quite a scam going on which is why I only trust my long time jeweler to even clean my diamonds! Good luck to you and please take it to a jeweler in the Shreve Building and stand there watching him while he examines it!
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
And someone upstream said that an appraiser should know right away if it's a CZ. They were right. A good appraiser will do an initial scope of the ring and can tell you within the first minute if you have somethng real or not. He/she shouldn't doesn't take it in the back or have you leave it without the first glance in front of you.
Padraigin Padraigin 9 years
You left your ring with an appraiser? Hon, chances are excellent that YOU are the one who got duped and ripped off.
fat-kat fat-kat 9 years
Tell your husband you love the ring. Ask him if he knows what type of ring it is. Maybe you can take him to a jewelry store and pretend you are looking for a gift for someone. Strike up a conversation with the salesperson about the types of jewelry that they have. There will be some type of opening for you to bring your ring into the discussion. the other thing you can do is be up front with him because you do not want to start a marriage off with lies or deception. He may become upset but you need to be straight forward with him.
lizzielou742 lizzielou742 9 years
First of all, give your guy the benefit of the doubt. he may have been duped, or he may have been desperate. Maybe he really wanted to ask you to marry him, but couldn't afford a diamond, but he thought you deserved one....so he got you the CZ with the hopes that you wouldn't notice before he had time to save some extra money and get you an upgrade. I have to say, though, if he has not given you/shown you/mentioned the certificate that comes with a diamond that lists the clarity, color, cut, etc....then he may have known all along that the ring had a CZ stone. A conspicuous absence of that certificate would be the first red flag for me. That probably hurts you. It must hurt to think your man lied, or at least didn't admit the truth. But like I said, give him the benefit of the doubt. Diamonds are reeeeeeally expensive (ridiculously overpriced due to a monopolized business, if you ask me) and he may have wanted to get you one, but simply couldn't afford one. Anyway - your feelings might be hurt, you could feel angry and/or betrayed for a while. It may take some time to get over the embarrassment, confusion, hurt, or whatever else you might feel. It may never feel the same to "show off your ring" to others, or even to look at it for a while. During those rough times, remember how much you wanted to get engaged in the first place, and that your man loves you and just wanted to please you, even if he went about it in an bass-ackwards way. Now, just because your ring might have a CZ stone doesn't mean it was cheap. What kind of band do you have? A nice platinum band in and of itself can be $1,000-$2,000 or more. The CZ stone itself probably wasn't all that cheap either - to get one that looks passable as a diamond could be $150-$250 or more. Think of all your fiance said to you when he asked you to marry him. He really put himself out there and made himself vulnerable, and he really wants to marry you if he took the huge step of proposing. If he did indeed give you a CZ and pretended like it was a diamond - be nice. Talk to him in private, and say exactly what the jeweler told you, and tell him you want to make sure he didn't get ripped off. Don't tell him you're suspicious of his actions, or get angry with him, yell, or cry. He's going to feel guilty and horrible enough as it is. let him explain his decision, and then pause and wait for him to promise you an upgrade. ;) Ask for a diamond for Christmas, or your next birthday, or your wedding if it still bothers you. This is an opportunity to prove to your man that you're not a greedy person. Finally - the diamond business is corrupt as hell, and everyone and their mother has a diamond anyway. Maybe you could get a different stone (ruby, sapphire, etc.). Or drop hints for a diamond eternity band for your first anniversary. ;) Or heck, just keep your ring exactly like it is. It's got significance now.
Jinx Jinx 9 years
Wow, hot topic. The ring should have the paperwork if from a reputable jeweller. I too saw a Primetime or 20/20 where a ring was switched by an unsrupulous appraiser. This issue may be deeper than you think, Say something now, but be gentle, it may be you that was ripped off, and not by your fiance. ~Procrastinate Now! Don't Put It Off~ (Ellen)
Twinkle1 Twinkle1 9 years
Ima with Ima. Have him get it appraised that way he'll either fess up or figure it out for himself.
azucar_maddy azucar_maddy 9 years
If he bought the ring from a wholesaler in a major city, he may have been deceived and told that the ring was real, but bought it without certification. Or, he may have known about it. It is very common for people in metropolitan areas to buy rings from places like these, because of the much better deals to be had. The same places offer certified diamonds that are sold to other retailers, but many carry uncertified ones that, depending on the merchant, can be falsely passed off as real if he senses that the buyer is naive. I'd like to know why you went to get the ring appraised on your own? Did your fiance know that you were going to do that? Engagement rings are GIFTS, and I hope that you act accordingly. Since you already know the details from the appraisal that you completed, you should tell you fiance, gently. What's the point in keeping it from him -- you are planning on getting *married*, right? Together you can figure out what to do next. Good luck!
Polly Polly 9 years
Never leave your ring with anyone!!! A proper appraiser will take less than an hour on your ring making preliminary notes and taking pictures. This should all be done in front of you. That way the jeweler can't pull a switcheroo. He will then give you a full report with a diamond map. Any appraiser will be able to tell a diamond from a CZ the moment he sees it. Even I could tell the difference. I think you may have been ripped off. Why didn't you tell him you were having it appraised in the first place? That seems like the right thing to do. What if he had already appraised it or insured it? There seems to be a breakdown of communication on this issue.
Kratsina Kratsina 9 years
could it be possible you are the one someone is trying to dupe? ... the mistake might not have originated with where he got the ring but instead in where you TOOK the ring... check the Better Business before you go to him then once your certain the person giving you the appraisal is completely legit, go straight to your man. If he really loves you and wants to marry you, getting taken on a fake ring isn't going to stop him. and if you really love him then the fact that he purposely bought you a fake ring should matter either... either way, honesty is best.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
why would someone feel the need to have their ring appraised? the ring would have come with a certification and that is all you need for an insurance policy. ask your boy for the certification for your insurance agent.
sofi sofi 9 years
I just kept thinking about this all afternoon. It seems that people are focusing on the fact that the ring is fake or cheap. Yes, that is fine and it doesn't matter how big, real, whatever if you love the guy and want to truly marry him. I would be more concerned that my new fiance wants me to believe the ring is real and hasn't told me the truth. If she knows he has been saving for two years and this seems out of character, then what happened? You can't go into this commitment with these questions or doubts. Again, if all he could afford is a fake diamond and he is honest about it-great, but be up front about it all.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
It has been my experience when you purchase such an expensive piece of jewelery from a reputable store that it should come with preliminary paperwork from them listing all the pertinent diamond info as well as what their own appraisel. Why don't you just ask your fiance for the paperwork and tell him that you want to have another appraisel done to make sure you get adequate insurance coverage.
PinkSparkleGrl PinkSparkleGrl 9 years
Just in case - go get a second opinion from another jeweler before you talk to you fiance, maybe even ask where he purchased the ring so you can approach the store before you talk to your man - it would be interesting to know if the store he got it from was the only place that said it was real?! Arm yourself before you confront your man, and when you do - ask him questions about the specs on the ring - cut, color, quality to see if he got ripped off during the purchase. BUT if you LOVE the ring and you LOVE the man, who cares - the diamond ring is a new part of our marriages anyway!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
I agree with Laura and Ima its his place to have had the ring insured to begin with. He may be hurt thinking that you went and got it appraised even if it was for an insurance purpose. What the ring cost should never matter. Dum de Dum de Dum de Dum
sofi sofi 9 years
It has to come up because he may have been duped by a jeweler or even the appraiser. Tell him your intentions of getting it appraised- he has got to react negatively if he knew it was fake. I still would be pretty hurt that he is keeping something like this from you. If he knows it is fake but tries to pass it off as real thinking you'd never find out- that's wrong and a big lie. Doesn't he have enough respect or confidence in you that you'd be ok with that- maybe until you guys can afford a different ring. You shouldn't confront him angrily with what you have discovered, but he needs to explain why he tried to pass it off as real if he knew it was fake. Good luck.
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 9 years
OMG! Well...I agree with imabeliever..have him appraise it for insurance reasons. Best of luck!
Gizzyluv Gizzyluv 9 years
Don't you have to get rings independantly appraised anyway for insurance purposes. You usually have to have separate policies for expensive jewellery.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I agree with imabeliver- I would ask him what he thinks about you wanting to appraise it. If he combats it, then you know that HE knows it fake. I agree that if you come right at him and say somthing, he could take it like all you really care about is the ring and its 'value'. But I think it should DEFINITELY be looked in to- becuase what if he bought it with the impresison that it was real and was obviouslly ripped off by someone?
laura_j laura_j 9 years
i agree with imabeliever, maybe ask him to get it appraised to insure it and see what happens from there. this has got to be awkward, but i think its definitely worth mentioning. of course the emphasis of marriage isnt solely on the ring, but what if he was duped? i agree with DS, something should be said, but tactfully
PinkSparkleGrl PinkSparkleGrl 9 years
Just in case - go get a second opinion from another jeweler before you talk to you fiance, maybe even ask where he purchased the ring so you can approach the store before you talk to your man - it would be interesting to know if the store he got it from was the only place that said it was real?! Arm yourself before you confront your man, and when you do - ask him questions about the specs on the ring - cut, color, quality to see if he got ripped off during the purchase. BUT if you LOVE the ring and you LOVE the man, who cares - the diamond ring is a new part of our marriages
Imabeliever Imabeliever 9 years
Wow..this one is tricky.. men are sometimes pretty touchy with this situation.. I received a fake Fendi watch from a longe time boyfriend and when I told him gently my suspicions which turned out to be turn he was so embarrassed that it was to the point of being painfully awkward..that was just a watch not an engagement ring. I would tell him that you would like to have it insured and that that requires an appraisal.. and judge his reaction. Or ask him to have it appraised for you so that you can insure it. So that the actual cost is not involved.. let him either discover that it is cubic zirconia or fess up that it is not actually a diamond.. I wouldn't spring it on him like hey I had this appraised to see how much it is worth and it is a fake.. that could come off really really wrong... Or I would say screw it .. its a beautiful ring.. it was presented as real.. I would consider his love and sentiment in buying it for you as real and pretend that it is! Maybe down the road on a milestone anniversary it can be upgraded to a diamond.. seriously I treated my ring as a sacred treasure in the beginning.. now I forget to take it off when cleaning the bathroom. its all relative..the marriage is the most importnat thing..not the ring or the wedding dress or the Honeymoon.. Just my opinion. good luck to you :)
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Its too bad that the ring was fake and that he was possibly dupped. i think that it should be brought up but very gently incase he does know it is fake. But remember dont show how disappointed you are that it is fake SO many women are so focused on their wedding and planning it that they forget that it is just one day in their marriage. I think more women should place less emphasis on planning the perfect wedding and more on making a marriage work
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