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My Ex Is Avoiding Me

"Why Does My Ex Avoid Me at All Costs?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex and I broke it off eight or seven months ago, our relationship was that of best friends that eventually went out. I was happiest and so was he in those times. We both got overwhelmed in the relationship and we both called it quits in the best way, but we were both very sad. Then, after not seeing him for months, I saw him and I wanted to talk to him since I was just so happy to see him, but he was mad/angry to see that I had moved on so quick. (At the time I hadn't, I'm just a really a positive person.) I didn't get to talk to him because his friend told me not to and that he didn't want to be around me and he doesn't know why, so I made sure to stay out of his way from then on. Even though I recently saw him and he saw me by chance and we smiled at each other as we passed each other. So here I am six more months later, and I was at a table studying at the university we go to and I saw him from the corner of my eye coming toward me and once he saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks and walked the other way . . . I just don't understand him. He and I have mutual, close friends and I even separated myself from them to give him space, but it still seems that I annoy him no matter what I do. Help?

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
Personally there is always a stage for me I wish an ex would fall off the planet and I never have to see them again. Sometimes a year, sometimes forever. Why? Because romantic relationships are emotionally intense and that doesn't disappear quickly. Sometimes never. So you manage it the best you can, and sometimes that's distance. Respect how he needs things to be and take it as a testament to how much you meant to him. I don't get you really, sounds like you two had a good thing going on. The 'overwhelm' might be an opportunity for you to grow up with the wisdom and support of people with more experience, not necessarily a reason to break up. Why don't you find someone you respect to talk with them about what happened and see if they think you needed to break up or not. Something to consider. My other advice: do not have that conversation with him unless you are 100% sure you want him back, and you know how to behave differently. Do not torture the guy. Bad karma. Bad reputation too.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Darlin, he's your ex. What he's feeling and why are none of your business. I'm sorry that you are ready to be friends, and to chat, but he isn't and doesn't, and it doesn't matter why. Because you two are no longer a part of each others' lives. Whatever it is that is sending him running is his issue. He has to deal with it, you don't. The only healthy thing for you to do is to live your life, and put your ex and his issues in the past. Whatever he needs to deal with is whatever he needs to deal with, and it in no way concerns you. He may never get to a place that makes you comfortable. That's just life. But that doesn't mean that you need to do anything, or change anything in your behavior towards him....his issues....his behaviors. Your issues.....your behaviors. Mourn the loss of this guy, and let go of any hope or expectation concerning him, at all. He's made his feelings clear, just respect them, and respect yourself enough to not worry about chasing down answers to questions that aren't really your business. You know, the fact that it's none of your business how or why he feels what he feels, is freeing. You have no obligation to address it. Accept that freedom.
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