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My Family Hates My Cheating Boyfriend

Group Therapy: My Family Hates My Cheating Boyfriend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. In the beginning of this year, I found out that he cheated on me with another girl. I turned to my sisters for comfort during that hard time. Since the summer, he and I started dating again. I have seen his family on a regular basis, except he hasn't seen my family.

Christmas is coming up and I'm worried how I would reintroduce him again. I told my sisters, but they completely do not agree with me dating him again. I understand why they would be mad, but I feel like this is right. My sisters did not want to see him for Thanksgiving nor do they want to see him for Christmas.

My boyfriend is willing to take it from my sisters because he feels he deserves it since he cheated on me just to spend Christmas with my family. But I seriously don't know what to do. My sisters are dead set on never forgiving him and my boyfriend keeps pressuring me to let him talk to my sisters. I'm so stressed out by this whole issue, I feel like no one cares about me. Has anyone had a situation like this?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Kaybaybayx Kaybaybayx 5 years
The end of the story is, you've leaned on your sisters for support, they know everything he's done to you and they'll never forget it.And why have you? Everything he's done to you is making your sister dislike him. Your sister care about you, so why don't you care about you this much?Your trust for him has probably gone out of the window, your family see him for what he is and he's probably made you quite insecure because of this whole ordeal.There are plenty of guys that your sisters will love because they actually treat you as your deserve to be treated.He's ruined his chance.Him talking to them won't fix it, as what's done is done.
Kaybaybayx Kaybaybayx 5 years
The end of the story is, you've leaned on your sisters for support, they know everything he's done to you and they'll never forget it. And why have you? Everything he's done to you is making your sister dislike him. Your sister care about you, so why don't you care about you this much? Your trust for him has probably gone out of the window, your family see him for what he is and he's probably made you quite insecure because of this whole ordeal. There are plenty of guys that your sisters will love because they actually treat you as your deserve to be treated. He's ruined his chance. Him talking to them won't fix it, as what's done is done.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I kind of like Asia's idea of setting your sisters on him. They can say the tough things that you can't. And if he can satisfy them, he may really mean it.If you decide to put them all in a room together, you really should do it soon. Don't let the conflict bleed into Christmas celebrations. No one deserves that.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I kind of like Asia's idea of setting your sisters on him. They can say the tough things that you can't. And if he can satisfy them, he may really mean it. If you decide to put them all in a room together, you really should do it soon. Don't let the conflict bleed into Christmas celebrations. No one deserves that.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I'm not going to tell you that you're making a mistake and to side with your sisters. You're an adult, you know your boyfriend, we the commenters do not. Maybe try to reintroduce him to the family after the holidays? Give a little more time for everyone to simmer down? I always think it's best to get through the holidays peacefully because tensions can be more on edge than other times of the year. And then, in the eyes of your family, you're not only making a mistake by getting back together with your boyfriend, but you're also "ruining Christmas".That's my opinion. Wait til after the holidays.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
I'm not going to tell you that you're making a mistake and to side with your sisters. You're an adult, you know your boyfriend, we the commenters do not. Maybe try to reintroduce him to the family after the holidays? Give a little more time for everyone to simmer down? I always think it's best to get through the holidays peacefully because tensions can be more on edge than other times of the year. And then, in the eyes of your family, you're not only making a mistake by getting back together with your boyfriend, but you're also "ruining Christmas". That's my opinion. Wait til after the holidays.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
@ OP I believe people make mistakes. I believe that people can learn from those mistakes, learn and grow-it all depends on the individual . There is a price to pay for our mistakes though and your boyfriend is finding that out. The price he's paying is that your family may never like him because he hurt you. Don't pressure your sisters, but because you are a grown up they do have to respect your choices and should at least be cordial. You are an adult and they have no right to control your life. Be gentle with them but let them know in a firm and respectful manner that this is your life and your choice. As for your boyfriend he may love you and truly be sorry but as the saying goes "you do the crime, you do the time" This is the price he's paying for hurting you. The only way he can redeem himself is through his actions and most importantly he has to redeem himself first and foremost with you.
GregS GregS 5 years
I'll disagree with you ladies. Conditionally.Provided what the OP said is true, and I know s/he's looking through the proverbial rose tinted glasses, he has apparently ask forgiveness from him/her and s/he gave it, otherwise I doubt s/he'd be dating him.He's taking the grief given by the sisters as due. He's manned up to his error. Now he wants to open communications between himself and the sisters. There is no possible way to reconcile anything without dialogue. I would let him talk to them (preferably one on one). Let him have his say, and let the sisters each have theirs. Let him take his licks. If he's honest with himself, you, and the sisters, they'll see him for what he is; a penitent. If not, you'll hear about it, I'm sure.So why one on one? He should avoid group-think. Having all of them in one place at one time will prevent him from being listened to. They'll hear him talk, but not listen to what he's saying.I will agree on one thing. The holidays are not the time to do this. It should be either before or after. It should also be done in person. The sisters need to see the body language, too.Pretty brave of him to want to talk to them. IMHO.
GregS GregS 5 years
I'll disagree with you ladies. Conditionally. Provided what the OP said is true, and I know s/he's looking through the proverbial rose tinted glasses, he has apparently ask forgiveness from him/her and s/he gave it, otherwise I doubt s/he'd be dating him. He's taking the grief given by the sisters as due. He's manned up to his error. Now he wants to open communications between himself and the sisters. There is no possible way to reconcile anything without dialogue. I would let him talk to them (preferably one on one). Let him have his say, and let the sisters each have theirs. Let him take his licks. If he's honest with himself, you, and the sisters, they'll see him for what he is; a penitent. If not, you'll hear about it, I'm sure. So why one on one? He should avoid group-think. Having all of them in one place at one time will prevent him from being listened to. They'll hear him talk, but not listen to what he's saying. I will agree on one thing. The holidays are not the time to do this. It should be either before or after. It should also be done in person. The sisters need to see the body language, too. Pretty brave of him to want to talk to them. IMHO.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
Your family said they do not want to have him around for Christmas. If his presence makes them have less of a good time this holiday, do not bring him!Perhaps you have forgiven him, but you can't expect your whole family to forgive the way he treated you.I can't tell you not to forgive him, because that was your choice, but you can't force your family to; so my advice is no, don't bring him to Christmas. Spend some time with your family, and stop worrying about them liking him. Because they won't, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
Your family said they do not want to have him around for Christmas. If his presence makes them have less of a good time this holiday, do not bring him! Perhaps you have forgiven him, but you can't expect your whole family to forgive the way he treated you. I can't tell you not to forgive him, because that was your choice, but you can't force your family to; so my advice is no, don't bring him to Christmas. Spend some time with your family, and stop worrying about them liking him. Because they won't, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
janeaustenrules janeaustenrules 5 years
Maybe it is because I'm older than most of the posters, but I disagree with their advice.Yes, cheating is bad. But you are an adult. You get to make your own decisions and that even means, you get to make mistakes. You've made the decision to rekindle this relationship and whether that ultimately proves to be wise or not, that's your decision. Your sisters don't have to like it, but they do have to respect it. Respecting it doesn't mean they don't tell you they disagree with you, but it does mean they state their case and move on.Part of stating their case may involve telling your boyfriend exactly what they think of him. My recommendation would be to arrange a meeting between your sisters and your boyfriend that you do not attend. Let them air it out without having to worry about your feelings. Then afterwards, if your boyfriend still wants to be a part of family festivities, you tell them that you accept that each is entitled to their feelings, but you are entitled to expect that everyone behave in a cordial manner. They don't have to like each other, but they do have to find a way to coexist for as long as you decide to keep this guy in your life. And respect is a two way street - you have to respect that they are entitled to hate this guy. You can't be pestering them to like him anymore than they should be pestering you to dump him. State your case, accept that they don't agree and move forward.And no, I've never cheated or forgiven a cheater, but I have spent 18 years navigating prickly family dynamics, so for what it is worth, this is my advice.
janeaustenrules janeaustenrules 5 years
Maybe it is because I'm older than most of the posters, but I disagree with their advice. Yes, cheating is bad. But you are an adult. You get to make your own decisions and that even means, you get to make mistakes. You've made the decision to rekindle this relationship and whether that ultimately proves to be wise or not, that's your decision. Your sisters don't have to like it, but they do have to respect it. Respecting it doesn't mean they don't tell you they disagree with you, but it does mean they state their case and move on. Part of stating their case may involve telling your boyfriend exactly what they think of him. My recommendation would be to arrange a meeting between your sisters and your boyfriend that you do not attend. Let them air it out without having to worry about your feelings. Then afterwards, if your boyfriend still wants to be a part of family festivities, you tell them that you accept that each is entitled to their feelings, but you are entitled to expect that everyone behave in a cordial manner. They don't have to like each other, but they do have to find a way to coexist for as long as you decide to keep this guy in your life. And respect is a two way street - you have to respect that they are entitled to hate this guy. You can't be pestering them to like him anymore than they should be pestering you to dump him. State your case, accept that they don't agree and move forward. And no, I've never cheated or forgiven a cheater, but I have spent 18 years navigating prickly family dynamics, so for what it is worth, this is my advice.
brindey brindey 5 years
I'm sorry honey, but stick with your sisters. Yes, I am sure you love your boyfriend and may think he changed. You may think you two were made for each other and your sisters don't understand. I've been there. With the cheating boyfriend and the twin sister dead set on hating him. And you know what? She was totally right. He totally cheated again, and she was still there and amazingly did not say "I told you so." Because she cared about me, like your sisters care about you. Break up with him before Christmas so you don't have to get him a present- something tells me you probably buy much better presents than he ever thought to. Instead, get something amazing for those loyal sisters you have, and for yourself. And who knows, you could ring in the new year with a new prospect who deserves you.
brindey brindey 5 years
I'm sorry honey, but stick with your sisters. Yes, I am sure you love your boyfriend and may think he changed. You may think you two were made for each other and your sisters don't understand. I've been there. With the cheating boyfriend and the twin sister dead set on hating him. And you know what? She was totally right. He totally cheated again, and she was still there and amazingly did not say "I told you so." Because she cared about me, like your sisters care about you. Break up with him before Christmas so you don't have to get him a present- something tells me you probably buy much better presents than he ever thought to. Instead, get something amazing for those loyal sisters you have, and for yourself. And who knows, you could ring in the new year with a new prospect who deserves you.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I agree with Helen, who does he think he is? He's gonna talk your sisters? Bad idea, imho. Your sisters will not like him regardless what he's going to say to them (i.e. My husband until this day still hates his bro's on-off gf of 12 years b/c of the same crap she pulled on him, sleeping around with other fellows--it doesn't matter how much positive things his bro told him about her, my husband doesn't change his mind/feeling). Then again, if he succeeds in sweet talking your sisters, I'm always a little wary of dudes who can smooth talk his way into people's good graces, what if he's done the same to you to get you back?But I'm going to assume that although they dislike him, they won't try to beat him up during family dinner/get-together, hehe. :p Although that'll make an interesting story. And your sisters will always be your family, so don't burn your bridges with them, after all, they were there for you when he cheated on you and most likely will be there for you again when he breaks your heart again.P.S. Your parents (most likely) already know about him cheating on you too and if you've not told them, your sisters have. They just may not be as obvious as your sisters, but I'm sure they dislike your bf too for what he's done to you.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I agree with Helen, who does he think he is? He's gonna talk your sisters? Bad idea, imho. Your sisters will not like him regardless what he's going to say to them (i.e. My husband until this day still hates his bro's on-off gf of 12 years b/c of the same crap she pulled on him, sleeping around with other fellows--it doesn't matter how much positive things his bro told him about her, my husband doesn't change his mind/feeling). Then again, if he succeeds in sweet talking your sisters, I'm always a little wary of dudes who can smooth talk his way into people's good graces, what if he's done the same to you to get you back? But I'm going to assume that although they dislike him, they won't try to beat him up during family dinner/get-together, hehe. :p Although that'll make an interesting story. And your sisters will always be your family, so don't burn your bridges with them, after all, they were there for you when he cheated on you and most likely will be there for you again when he breaks your heart again. P.S. Your parents (most likely) already know about him cheating on you too and if you've not told them, your sisters have. They just may not be as obvious as your sisters, but I'm sure they dislike your bf too for what he's done to you.
Asia84 Asia84 5 years
@HelenDanger: I agree. Her sisters are going to eat his a** alive when he tries to swoon them. I say get it over with so we can cut the ham! LOL
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Your boyfriend has an awfully high opinion of his charm if he thinks that just by talking to your sisters he can fix things. How do you know he hasn't done that to you? They're never going to like him. Don't try to make them interact. And don't burn your bridges with your family. You're going to need their support if (when) he messes up again.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
Your boyfriend has an awfully high opinion of his charm if he thinks that just by talking to your sisters he can fix things. How do you know he hasn't done that to you? They're never going to like him. Don't try to make them interact. And don't burn your bridges with your family. You're going to need their support if (when) he messes up again.
Asia84 Asia84 5 years
Quit whining!your sisters care about you that's why they aren't giving your cheating boyfriend a second chance.You know what ticks me off? When girls lean on a cry about some sorry a*s dude. Then when you decide to take him back (like a donkey) you want everything to be Candy Land.Seriously, what do you expect.I say let your sisters talk with him. Who knows, maybe he can win them over. Maybe he won't. Either way, the pink elephant can then leave the room.
Asia84 Asia84 5 years
Quit whining! your sisters care about you that's why they aren't giving your cheating boyfriend a second chance. You know what ticks me off? When girls lean on a cry about some sorry a*s dude. Then when you decide to take him back (like a donkey) you want everything to be Candy Land. Seriously, what do you expect. I say let your sisters talk with him. Who knows, maybe he can win them over. Maybe he won't. Either way, the pink elephant can then leave the room.
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