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Is It My Fault He Didn't Get In to Law School?

Is It My Fault He Didn't Get In to Law School?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of six years broke up with me a few months ago. We were going through a rocky patch, fighting a lot about our future, and he suddenly broke up with me in the middle of dinner at our favorite restaurant. He was in the midst of writing his law school applications and told me the stress of our constant arguing was too much of a distraction from writing his essays.

I was flabbergasted and completely caught off guard by the breakup as I was under the impression we were well on our way to the altar. I have since been trying my best to move on although there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of him. I was at dinner with some mutual friends of ours who told me that he didn't get into any of the law schools he applied too. I feel so awful and can't help but think it is partially my fault. Should I call him and apologize or do you think I am the last person on earth he would want to hear from? I just feel so horrible. Guilty Gina

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Guilty Gina,

I am sorry to hear about your breakup, they really are just the worst. I hope you are taking care of yourself and leaning on your friends and family for support. I am also sorry, for your ex's sake, to hear he will not be attending law school next year. I am sure your initial reaction is to feel guilt, but you should not blame yourself in the slightest bit.

Your ex made the decision to sever ties with you so that this exact situation didn't happen. I think it is safe to say you are off the hook. If he was feeling remorseful for the way things ended between you that is an emotion he chose to deal with on his own. If you want to give him a call to make sure he is alright, I think that is perfectly fine and quite admirable of you, although be prepared if you don't get a warm response, I am sure his ego is quite bruised.

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feloniously_pink feloniously_pink 8 years
Don't blame yourself, sweetie. I do think though, that the pressure was too much for him. Getting into law school is really tough. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. I've been through it. Honestly speaking, if getting into law school is just too much, I don't think if be able to manage law school life itself. There are things in law school that you can't blame on anyone except yourself, like flunking.
feloniously_pink feloniously_pink 8 years
Don't blame yourself, sweetie. I do think though, that the pressure was too much for him. Getting into law school is really tough. Believe me, I know what I am talking about. I've been through it. Honestly speaking, if getting into law school is just too much, I don't think if be able to manage law school life itself. There are things in law school that you can't blame on anyone except yourself, like flunking.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
CGMAETC has a very good point...if he couldn't handle the relationship and a bag of chips...maybe he's not lawyer material...OR he was just looking for an excuse to dump you.Sometimes is easier to tell white lies to spare the..."i just grew tired of you" line...it happens...don't call and don't feel guitly.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
CGMAETC has a very good point...if he couldn't handle the relationship and a bag of chips...maybe he's not lawyer material...OR he was just looking for an excuse to dump you. Sometimes is easier to tell white lies to spare the..."i just grew tired of you" line...it happens... don't call and don't feel guitly.
mandiesoh mandiesoh 9 years
i wouldnt call too. and it sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to call him? i dunno. but i do know, you should NOT blame yourself.
marys marys 9 years
NO! do not contact this guy. He was blaming you for his shortcomings even before he failed to get into law school. That's why he broke up with you, remember? Now you are playing into it by blaming yourself (just a little? come ON!) for his failure? He owns his failure. You should move on. Sounds like you two had some kind of victim/blame dynamic going on, where he whined and you got flogged. That's just sick. Don't play that game. This guy is not cut out to be a lawyer. He's cut out to be a big baby. cmaetc said it well: lawyers thrive on stress, studying, arguing.
marys marys 9 years
NO! do not contact this guy. He was blaming you for his shortcomings even before he failed to get into law school. That's why he broke up with you, remember? Now you are playing into it by blaming yourself (just a little? come ON!) for his failure? He owns his failure. You should move on. Sounds like you two had some kind of victim/blame dynamic going on, where he whined and you got flogged. That's just sick. Don't play that game. This guy is not cut out to be a lawyer. He's cut out to be a big baby. cmaetc said it well: lawyers thrive on stress, studying, arguing.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 9 years
This dude is seriously trippin'!I mean, if he can't handle stress, studying, and arguing, how in the ham sandwich is he gonna be a lawyer?!?!-the ceeg
cgmaetc cgmaetc 9 years
This dude is seriously trippin'! I mean, if he can't handle stress, studying, and arguing, how in the ham sandwich is he gonna be a lawyer?!?! -the ceeg
smith3 smith3 9 years
Hi there. I've registered just to comment on this one. I don't think you should either call or e-mail this guy. He sounds like a total loser - dumping you publicly, in the middle of dinner, and blaming you for his own inability to prioritise or focus on his applications. It sounds to me like he didn't have what it takes to get into lawschool, and chose to heap the blame onto you instead of addressing his worries and insecurities honestly and openly. Steer clear of this guy and find yourself someone who will welcome you into their life, and want to share the good times and the bad times with you. And no, there's no way it's your fault he didn't get in.
Marci Marci 9 years
Wow, it's your fault that he didn't get into law school even though you weren't around?? Amazing! Imagine if you stayed with him? Everything that goes bad with him for the rest of his life would be your fault, too.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
I think that you should be commended for not contacting him as of yet. That is good and shows that you are not being needy. It is his resonsiblilty for law school-NOT YOURS. He is the one trying to get in not you. I think if you want to email him, then go ahead. However, I wouldn't do any more than that. Good luck.
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Im with Tox here constantly fighting does not mean you were on the way to the alter. Law school was his responsibilty. If he couldnt get in then that is his fault. If you really were a good couple he wouldnt have an issue coming to you and asking for some time to himself so he could concentrate on his application
JessNess JessNess 9 years
Im with Tox here constantly fighting does not mean you were on the way to the alter.Law school was his responsibilty. If he couldnt get in then that is his fault. If you really were a good couple he wouldnt have an issue coming to you and asking for some time to himself so he could concentrate on his application
NNPW NNPW 9 years
don't call him, but e-mail him. If he writes back and seems a bit nice in his response, then you can call him a few days later to check back up and say hi.
NessSugar NessSugar 9 years
This is not your fault. He needs to take accountability for managing his priorities in life. He waited didn't break up with you in time to get focused, that is his issue.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
If you haven't talked to him since the breakup, don't call him or write him or anything. I suspect you are feeling a little schadenfreude at the moment and I think it would come through in the conversation. I'm sure he doesn't want your pity.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
don't call him. i don't think you'd get a warm reception. it's not your fault he didn't get into law school, he's being really mature :oy: and blaming you for his shortcomings. good luck with everything and moving on. :)
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
I have to say that even just reading the headline to this (is it my fault he didn't get into law school?) i could have already shouted out "of course not!" He obviously made a series of choices that led to not being admitted, whether it had to do with spending time with you (doubtful) or the choices regarding his grades, extracurriculars, internships and jobs (infinitely more likely). He's the one who cut you off. Not only are you "off the hook" but I don't think you owe him the call or email. Frankly, I don't think he deserves it.
martini-queenie martini-queenie 9 years
I have to say that even just reading the headline to this (is it my fault he didn't get into law school?) i could have already shouted out "of course not!"He obviously made a series of choices that led to not being admitted, whether it had to do with spending time with you (doubtful) or the choices regarding his grades, extracurriculars, internships and jobs (infinitely more likely). He's the one who cut you off. Not only are you "off the hook" but I don't think you owe him the call or email. Frankly, I don't think he deserves it.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
I wouldn't call him as well. Maybe an e-mail maybe and even that I think is too much. As everyone mentioned it was not your fault at all. He was probably aiming too high and his grades and LSAT were not that stellar.
kittycat kittycat 9 years
i wouldnt call him. farthest i would go is to drop an email to show some support and comfort.
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Im sorry but if you were constantly fighting how on earth did you think you were well on your way to the alter? Im glad you are moving on, an I think it just be in your best healing intrest to not call.------Jan 23rd 1:08 Am Weighing 7lbs and 7 oz and 19 inches tall!! Welcome to the world Nicky!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
Im sorry but if you were constantly fighting how on earth did you think you were well on your way to the alter? Im glad you are moving on, an I think it just be in your best healing intrest to not call. ------ Jan 23rd 1:08 Am Weighing 7lbs and 7 oz and 19 inches tall!! Welcome to the world Nicky!
emisaurusrex emisaurusrex 9 years
Dear is right-- you are off the hook on this one. He broke up with you because he felt you were distracting him from applying. He had plenty of time to complete his applications without you around, so there isn't a way that you could be blamed for this. Even if we was distracted by the relationship, that isn't your fault or his-- it isn't anyone's fault. Sometimes things just happen. I think it's fine to give him a call to check on him, but as Dear said, I wouldn't expect a particularly warm response, but I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture.
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