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My Fiance Is Becoming Overly Controlling

Dear Sugar,
I am in college and I've been engaged to a wonderful guy since the spring. We aren't getting married until I graduate and we go to schools on opposite sides of the country.

I was thinking of moving into an apartment with my friend next year. I mentioned this to my fiance and he basically told me that I wasn't allowed to move in with her because she has a boyfriend and if her boyfriend stayed the night in our apartment, then I would technically be living with another guy.

This really upset me. He always says that he doesn't want to be controlling, but this seems very controlling to me. I tried to talk to him about it, but he is very stubborn and he tells me that I just don't understand and I can't see things from his point of view because I'm a woman and he's a man.

Things like this have happened before and I feel like it just gets worse with every new situation that comes up. I know this makes him sound like a jerk, but he's not. I love him more than I could ever express and he's my best friend. We've been together for four years and I can't imagine life without him, but I just feel so constrained. What should I do about this? Fearful Fiance

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Fearful Fiance
This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I am glad to hear that you see these red flags. The two of you are going to be married, yet you live in separate parts of the country and this is what he's choosing to be upset about? I would think that he would want you to have a roommie so that you feel safe and have someone to spend your time with when you get home.

In no way does this mean that you are living with another man; he's your roommates boyfriend that occasionally sleeps over. When you say that this kind of thing has happened before, does that mean that it happens a lot? Has he been this controlling for the duration of your relationship?

If you think that he's difficult to deal with now, what makes you think that after the wedding things will be different? If anything, it will only perpetuate his controlling ways. I suggest that you guys live in the same area for a period of time before you get married to see how you handle life together day in and day out. It's always going to be harder to walk away after you've said, "I do."

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