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Is My Fiance Gay?

Group Therapy: I Think My Fiancé Is Gay

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I started to pay attention lately to how much he talks on the phone to a friend (male) of his. It's almost every day for almost 2 hours. They never really talk when I am at home. It's starting to really concern me, so, of course, I brought it to his attention, and he denies the length of time and the days that they talk. He's lying about that.

I just don't know what they could be talking about for that long. It's just strange to me for two grown men to talk that frequently on the phone. And, please note, I have never met this guy before.

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testadura67 testadura67 5 years
It's not the fact that he talks to another man on the phone frequently and for long periods of time that would concern me. But if you're engaged to be married and there's someone who's that big a part of his life that you haven't met, that's what raised a flag to me. Not that he could be gay, but that he's not letting you into his personal life. Then lying about it. I seriously doubt homosexuality is his motivation, but the situation wouldn't sit right with me either. The only way that would be ok is if this friend lives in another city.More to the point, it sounds like you don't trust him, and I'm guessing that's not based solely on his phone habits. And if you're snooping in his phone, or checking his phone records, it doesn't sound like you're particularly trustworthy yourself. Seems like that's the bigger issue here.
testadura67 testadura67 5 years
It's not the fact that he talks to another man on the phone frequently and for long periods of time that would concern me. But if you're engaged to be married and there's someone who's that big a part of his life that you haven't met, that's what raised a flag to me. Not that he could be gay, but that he's not letting you into his personal life. Then lying about it. I seriously doubt homosexuality is his motivation, but the situation wouldn't sit right with me either. The only way that would be ok is if this friend lives in another city. More to the point, it sounds like you don't trust him, and I'm guessing that's not based solely on his phone habits. And if you're snooping in his phone, or checking his phone records, it doesn't sound like you're particularly trustworthy yourself. Seems like that's the bigger issue here.
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Did you flat out ask him?
danakscully64 danakscully64 5 years
Did you flat out ask him?
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
You gotta leave this one alone, you're trying to find a problem that isn't there. Are you sure you really want to marry this guy? Maybe you're looking for a way out. My father has a best guy friend he talks to about twice a day, they've known each other since they were 7. These kinds of friendships in men are common and fine, and you should be more worried if he doesn't have any close friends. You bothering him about this and snooping on him is just going to cause him to hold things back from you.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 5 years
You gotta leave this one alone, you're trying to find a problem that isn't there. Are you sure you really want to marry this guy? Maybe you're looking for a way out. My father has a best guy friend he talks to about twice a day, they've known each other since they were 7. These kinds of friendships in men are common and fine, and you should be more worried if he doesn't have any close friends. You bothering him about this and snooping on him is just going to cause him to hold things back from you.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 5 years
You should see my brother (who lives with me) and my other male roommate. i swear to god if I didn't KNOW that they were sleeping with girls I would call them gay; they are just VERY close friends, have a lot in common and enjhoy each others company
wolfjinx25 wolfjinx25 5 years
Guys can talk to each other for hours on end on the phone. Stop being paranoid about it. Guys that talk on the phone does not make them "gay" either.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Guys on the DL and gay guy's usually don't insult each other by calling each other "gay". First of all, many guys on the DL are in huge denial about being gay from what I've seen in interviews of those who were caught, so i don't think they would be hurling that word around. Secondly many straight guys do that, saying things like " that sounds so gay" to insult each other. Maybe he's talking to his friend about YOU. Did that ever occur to you? Maybe he's frustrated and needs to vent. He might even be talking about your upcoming marriage and his concerns about giving up being a bachelor, his frustrations and so forth. Probably needs another guys opinion because he's about to take a major, life altering step.Stop being paranoid. Unless you have concrete proof of something, you are worrying yourself for no reason.
searching-soul searching-soul 5 years
Guys on the DL and gay guy's usually don't insult each other by calling each other "gay". First of all, many guys on the DL are in huge denial about being gay from what I've seen in interviews of those who were caught, so i don't think they would be hurling that word around. Secondly many straight guys do that, saying things like " that sounds so gay" to insult each other. Maybe he's talking to his friend about YOU. Did that ever occur to you? Maybe he's frustrated and needs to vent. He might even be talking about your upcoming marriage and his concerns about giving up being a bachelor, his frustrations and so forth. Probably needs another guys opinion because he's about to take a major, life altering step.Stop being paranoid. Unless you have concrete proof of something, you are worrying yourself for no reason.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
I knew your screen name looked familiar. You posted about a month ago that you were having fantasies about being with other women. Are you sure you aren't projecting your fantasies of being with another woman onto your fiance?
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
I knew your screen name looked familiar. You posted about a month ago that you were having fantasies about being with other women. Are you sure you aren't projecting your fantasies of being with another woman onto your fiance?
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
I highly doubt your guy is on the DL. If he was on the DL he would not be talking to this guy for two hours several times a week with you knowing about it. Men on the DL want to keep it hidden. I have a feeling you snooped in your guys phone which makes me think you were paranoid even before you found out how much he was talking to this guy. You need to lay off and figure out why you are so paranoid and address those issues before you get married.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
I highly doubt your guy is on the DL. If he was on the DL he would not be talking to this guy for two hours several times a week with you knowing about it. Men on the DL want to keep it hidden. I have a feeling you snooped in your guys phone which makes me think you were paranoid even before you found out how much he was talking to this guy. You need to lay off and figure out why you are so paranoid and address those issues before you get married.
HisGoldenEyes HisGoldenEyes 5 years
Which means you're likely checking his phone behind his back and don't want to tell us because you think we'll go off on you about not trusting him. B-I-N-G-O! It's painfully obvious that you don't trust him, and you're looking for evidence of some behaviour that isn't there! I don't think you have substantial evidence to call him gay - so what if he talks to this guy a few times a week! Could be a best friend from childhood or a cousin or who knows what? Just because you haven't met him doesn't mean he's a lover! Lay off, stop thinking he's guilty, and try to enjoy your engagement and relationship! Otherwise, it's doomed!
DntJdgeMe DntJdgeMe 5 years
I'd rather now say how I found out...but just know that I know.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
How do you know they talk for 2 hours everyday if they don't talk while you are around? Are you checking his phone?
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
Men are weird about joking around and calling each other gay. I hear it all the time at work, where I work mostly around men. And to be honest, I can barely remember what I did yesterday, so maybe he just forgot??Quit being so paranoid.
Raynne413 Raynne413 5 years
Men are weird about joking around and calling each other gay. I hear it all the time at work, where I work mostly around men. And to be honest, I can barely remember what I did yesterday, so maybe he just forgot?? Quit being so paranoid.
DntJdgeMe DntJdgeMe 5 years
One thing I forgot to add...was that they joke around and call each other gay. Something about a joke that started a few years ago. I don't understand. And another thing, why would he lie about talking to him. He flat out lied and said he didn't talk to his this week. I know for a fact they talked.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
You're paranoid. Guys are allowed to have friends. They're allowed to talk on the phone for long periods of time too. You've mentioned nothing that would make anyone think he's gay.
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