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My Fiance Is Pulling Away

Group Therapy: Engaged . . . and Then He Pulled Away

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey guys . . . need your help. I am 39, he is 42. We got engaged after 2 1/2 years. He is a bachelor at heart, so I had just mentioned that I would be moving on if things didn't progress. So he went to NY, got a ring (beautiful, I must say) made just for me. We got engaged x-mas eve.

Since that time he has pulled me away from me. The sex has now become almost nonexistent. He didn't seem happy about making wedding plans, though he did tell me to go ahead and do it. Finally in June I asked him if he was excited about the wedding. His response, "not really, no." And thus began a horribly awful time for me. We have been seeing the deacon at the church for pre-cana. And we have a wedding date. But he has not made any effort to look for a house, or frankly, spend any decent amount of time with me. We live apart, and honestly, never did really see each other too often to begin with. But at least he would spend at least one night a week with me.

And now sex . . . what sex? His interest in me has gone. He says it's the stress of it all. He's "on the fence" about kids, and he knows that with my age and all that I would want to try soon after we were married. My weight has gone up by maybe 5-7 pounds, but that's it.

Truly, he gave me a ring and now has pulled away. I know he's scared, and that I represent a huge life change, but really, automatic loss of sexual interest. I have taken my ring off, though I have not returned it yet. He has mentioned that he felt a bit pressured to give it to me, so I took it off and said he could put it on when and if he really meant it. Funny thing is, when he gave it to me it didn't seem like he was unhappy one bit. Gave me a beautiful card and signed it "your future husband."

What do I do guys, just let him go? Is this just all passive aggressiveness?

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