One of my best friends recently broke up with her boyfriend and now she's become very dependent on me. She needs to talk to me everyday about her ex and she whines incessantly about her pain and her hatred of being single.
I don't want to sound rude or uncaring, but how much longer can I bear this? I know that break ups are difficult, and I want to be a good friend, but I am reaching my threshold for compassion.
This is becoming too much for me to handle. I'm a busy doctoral student who's already stressed everyday. I want to be there for her but at the same time, it's becoming difficult to have hour long conversations with her daily while trying to keep up with my hectic schedule. What can I do to remain a good friend while maintaining my sanity? End Of My Rope Hope
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Dear End Of My Rope Hope
Lend her some perspective once and for all. What she needs to understand is that things are going to get better for her as time goes on. Tell her that it's OK be sad for a period of time after a break up, but that time has come and gone. Now she must move on with her life.
Also, something to remember, is that we've all been down and out at some point over a guy and when you are in that sad, depressed, 'woe is me' mindset, you need your girlfriends. You've been there to listen, like a good friend does, but letting her whine and weep endlessly is enabling.
For the good of both of your mental health you need to politely tell her that talking to her this often is affecting your schoolwork. You are allowed to set some boundaries now that she's not in break up crisis mode anymore. If she's a good friend, she'll understand that your life is important too.