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My Girlfriend Wants Me to Break up With My Boyfriend

Dear Sugar--

My former best friend and her then-boyfriend set me up with my current boyfriend of over a year. They have since broken up, and she is now hinting that I should break up with my boyfriend, "so we can be there for each other again."

To be honest, I would rather break up with her! I've been trying to distance myself over the past several months due to fights we've had and severe differences of opinion. She's always thought of us as "sisters," being an only child whom the world revolved around. I already have one actual sister, and that's enough for me.

She somehow thinks that my boyfriend is the one who's come between us, and doesn't realize that she's the one instead. She's one of those who can be infinitely critical of everyone else, but freaks out as soon as someone calls her out on it and turns the tables, taking things much too seriously. She's also afraid of change--I have moved to a larger city and am beginning my career, while she still lives in our old college town.

So should I just ignore her childish whining, as I have for years, or should I say something to her about it? What should I say? I'm terrible at confrontation. I always knew she was going to try to hint about this matter, but I'm amazed it took her this long. I wonder if it's even worth the effort. The only contact we've had in months is a couple of messages on MySpace. I'm just so angry that she would actually dare to go there, you know?

Thanks for any and all help.

--Tired-of-Dealing Denise

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Tired-of-Dealing Denise--

It sounds like your friend is pretty needy and selfish - not a great combo in a close friend. The only reason she wants you to break up with your boyfriend is because she's lonely and upset and wants you to feel the same way -- misery loves company. Sometimes friendships go in waves but it sounds like the distance between you two isn't making things any better.

If you want to mend your friendship with her, I would definitely talk to her about how you feel. Since you were great friends a while back, you owe it to her and yourself to talk out your differences. Tell her how angry you are that she would even suggest that you break up with your boyfriend who makes you happy just to spend time with her -- you shouldn't have to choose between the two of them. Maybe you could suggest planning a girls' night out, or a day of shopping together so feels included in your life.

If what she's said and done is way too much for you to ever let go, and you don't want to be friends, you've got to be honest and tell her that too. Confrontation is always tough, especially between people who have a history like you two do but you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders after getting all of your feelings off your chest. Good luck Denise.


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