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My Man Uses Condoms That Are Too Big

Group Therapy: My Guy Has Penis Envy

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've only been seeing "Tim" for a short while, but he's a great guy: smart, sensitive, talented, and with a sex drive high enough to rival my own. There are two little problems, however.

One is that he has a hard time (oh, what an unfortunate choice of words) getting and maintaining an erection. The second is that even though he possesses one of the smallest members I've ever encountered (and I don't judge — I swear. I've never been a size queen), I recently discovered that he buys XXL condoms. WTF?! Putting his obvious delusions of grandeur aside for the moment, the too-big prophylactics concern me due to their poor fit and thus poor reliability

Without totally destroying the poor boy's ego, how do I address the fact that his penis is not nearly as large as he must think it is, and that it would benefit both of us for him to consider trying Viagra or Cialis or some other ED medication? Also, while he more than compensates with his mouth and hands, should I even bother continuing to see a guy if he can't leave me sexually satisfied?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 4 years
LMAO @ Helen!
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 4 years
LMAO @ Helen!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Should you even bother to continue seeing him? No. Not if you dislike him as much as your post makes it sound.Let him go. Be nice. And say NOTHING about his wiener problems during the breakup conversation. (Did I really just write wiener problems?) Sure, you could be mean and brutally honest. Just don't. I'm sure he's already aware of his wiener problems. Be vague and bring up some of that other stuff that's been bothering you instead. Say nothing of wieners or wiener problems.Wiener wiener wiener. :)
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Should you even bother to continue seeing him? No. Not if you dislike him as much as your post makes it sound. Let him go. Be nice. And say NOTHING about his wiener problems during the breakup conversation. (Did I really just write wiener problems?) Sure, you could be mean and brutally honest. Just don't. I'm sure he's already aware of his wiener problems. Be vague and bring up some of that other stuff that's been bothering you instead. Say nothing of wieners or wiener problems. Wiener wiener wiener. :)
secondstar secondstar 4 years
I second (or third) that you should buy your own condoms. Don't focus on the size when you bring it up, just say that you heard they were supposed to be good and you wanted to mix things up a bit. Hopefully he'll see that a better fit actually does feel better and he'll get the idea.Also, when things are going well let him know. In my experience a little reassurance can go a long way. If all else fails and it's just not working, you may have to cut him loose. It's unfortunate since he's a nice guy, but sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and sometimes it just isn't there.
secondstar secondstar 4 years
I second (or third) that you should buy your own condoms. Don't focus on the size when you bring it up, just say that you heard they were supposed to be good and you wanted to mix things up a bit. Hopefully he'll see that a better fit actually does feel better and he'll get the idea. Also, when things are going well let him know. In my experience a little reassurance can go a long way. If all else fails and it's just not working, you may have to cut him loose. It's unfortunate since he's a nice guy, but sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and sometimes it just isn't there.
dexaholic dexaholic 4 years
Maybe his ex gave him the XXL condoms as parting gift?
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
yeah buy the condoms yourselfI dated a guy who was soft most of the time it led me to start resenting him
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
yeah buy the condoms yourself I dated a guy who was soft most of the time it led me to start resenting him
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Oh man, I haven't posted in a while but this one is what I need to bring me out of my funk!Oh, penis envy. It's a primordial, hard-wired thing for us guys. Nothing will ever make it go away. The OP is in a really difficult spot, arguably worse than if a guy is put on the spot with the "do I look fat in this?" question.This issue should be less about the size of your guy's wiener and more about your sexual health. That is how you have to approach this - tell him point blank that the condoms he is using are not appropriate and you are not comfortable with them. As in, no more nookie until he realizes this and changes.Do not wait until you are both naked in the bedroom for this talk - don't worry about springing it on him at a bad time because there is no good time.Remember, this about respect. You have respected his wishes thus far, but he must respect yours. If he cannot, then get rid of him because sexual respect is a must-have in a healthy relationship.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Oh man, I haven't posted in a while but this one is what I need to bring me out of my funk! Oh, penis envy. It's a primordial, hard-wired thing for us guys. Nothing will ever make it go away. The OP is in a really difficult spot, arguably worse than if a guy is put on the spot with the "do I look fat in this?" question. This issue should be less about the size of your guy's wiener and more about your sexual health. That is how you have to approach this - tell him point blank that the condoms he is using are not appropriate and you are not comfortable with them. As in, no more nookie until he realizes this and changes. Do not wait until you are both naked in the bedroom for this talk - don't worry about springing it on him at a bad time because there is no good time. Remember, this about respect. You have respected his wishes thus far, but he must respect yours. If he cannot, then get rid of him because sexual respect is a must-have in a healthy relationship.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
Buy the condoms yourself if you want to keep sleeping with him. If you want to address his ED issue, there is no way to go about it that won't feel awkward and unpleasant. I know this sounds pessimistic, but be wary of starting a relationship with this guy if he's sexually delusional. He may turn out to be delusional about a lot of other things as well.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 4 years
Buy the condoms yourself if you want to keep sleeping with him. If you want to address his ED issue, there is no way to go about it that won't feel awkward and unpleasant. I know this sounds pessimistic, but be wary of starting a relationship with this guy if he's sexually delusional. He may turn out to be delusional about a lot of other things as well.
Rory1225 Rory1225 4 years
I guess I was giving the guy the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he didn't know his condoms weren't fitting properly.If he does, then that is certainly unacceptable and I would break up with him stat.
Rory1225 Rory1225 4 years
I guess I was giving the guy the benefit of the doubt and assuming that he didn't know his condoms weren't fitting properly. If he does, then that is certainly unacceptable and I would break up with him stat.
Rory1225 Rory1225 4 years
I agree with buying your own condoms. Maybe get some that have ribbing for your pleasure and tell him you want to try them out because you have heard they feel so much better.The ED thing is a much bigger deal for him I'm sure. There is not really a way to have a convo about that that is NOT awkward.I'm guessing you are not really in love with this guy from the tone of your post. (which could be totally wrong I admit) If not, maybe it is just time to move on regardless of his issues.
Rory1225 Rory1225 4 years
I agree with buying your own condoms. Maybe get some that have ribbing for your pleasure and tell him you want to try them out because you have heard they feel so much better. The ED thing is a much bigger deal for him I'm sure. There is not really a way to have a convo about that that is NOT awkward. I'm guessing you are not really in love with this guy from the tone of your post. (which could be totally wrong I admit) If not, maybe it is just time to move on regardless of his issues.
Vampyre Vampyre 4 years
It's possible that he's well aware that he has a small penis, and that is what is causing his erectile dysfunction. Buying the XXL condoms may be his way of trying to make himself feel better. He may think that seeing as he's using them, he's obviously not as small as he thinks. I agree that you're going to have to have that awkward conversation. Just approach it carefully and be prepared for him to become defensive and hostile. There's no easy way to solve this problem, you'll just have to approach it head on (pun not intended).
BiWife BiWife 4 years
Sorry but you're gonna have to have the incredibly awkward conversation with him. You're right to be concerned with ill-fitting condoms, you run a much higher risk of pregnancy/std transmission, and it just doesn't feel right when it's all baggy. A gentle way to address the condom size is to buy your own, get some that are studded or something & say "hey, I thought it would be fun to try these". (I *love* the green Trojan condoms, fwiw)For his erection issues, the oversized condoms could be playing a part by reducing sensations, but I'm betting he's got stuff going on in his head that's way more involved. Getting inside his head won't be easy, they're usually extremely guarded about the subject, but if you can get him to talk about why he worries about his size that would be a great step. You can also try boosting his self-esteem in general. If he's willing to see a dr for some viagra, great, but it's more likely to be psychological than circulatory.
BiWife BiWife 4 years
Sorry but you're gonna have to have the incredibly awkward conversation with him. You're right to be concerned with ill-fitting condoms, you run a much higher risk of pregnancy/std transmission, and it just doesn't feel right when it's all baggy. A gentle way to address the condom size is to buy your own, get some that are studded or something & say "hey, I thought it would be fun to try these". (I *love* the green Trojan condoms, fwiw) For his erection issues, the oversized condoms could be playing a part by reducing sensations, but I'm betting he's got stuff going on in his head that's way more involved. Getting inside his head won't be easy, they're usually extremely guarded about the subject, but if you can get him to talk about why he worries about his size that would be a great step. You can also try boosting his self-esteem in general. If he's willing to see a dr for some viagra, great, but it's more likely to be psychological than circulatory.
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