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Newlyweds: How To Handle Your New Issues

Dear Sugar,
I've been happily married for ten months now and we dated for two and a half years prior. It's not like we are strangers, but lately when we argue, it's as though we barely know each other. My husband just looks at me and won't speak. I don't know how to get him to talk to me when he's upset. Counsel Me Cara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Counsel Me Cara
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus - don't you know that! We have totally different styles of communication. While women are verbose and tend to be emotional communicators, men are more introverted, sound and logical communicators. They definitely don't spill their feelings as much and it's not because they don't love us just the same.

Try this: Talk to him when he's not distracted. Make sure he's not preoccupied with getting to his tee time or sitting down to relax and watch football game. Learn what times are quiet and peaceful times for the both of you. Those are the times you'll be able to get his attention and keep it. If he's able to be easily distracted and he doesn't like the topic, most likely, he'll want to get up and involve himself in the distraction.

In addition, bring up the issue when you're both feeling good. Talk about the issue at hand BEFORE you are arguing about something else, so that the actual problem has a chance at getting resolved instead of snowballing into something else.

Lastly, try to make these kinds of discussions shorter. Often, women can go on and on, but men aren't like that. Discuss the problem and try to propose a solution for it. Period - the end.

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sanD13 sanD13 9 years
malibu stacy, we *can* make a poll out of the whole TP thing bc i like mine coming from under. i don't know why, i just do.
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 9 years
the TP thing drives me stinkin' nutso... i change it over in other people's houses, it bugs me so much...
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 9 years
it was caligirl's fab idea, so i can't take credit, but aren't they cute??
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Same here! Ten years into it, we've conquered that demon. Hmmm...maybe that wasn't the best example!?
audreystar audreystar 9 years
malibu girl...that is too cute..posting baby shoes as your avatar on school picture friday. you are too cool for school. love it :)
malibu-stacey malibu-stacey 9 years
jenn -- i HATE it when the toilet paper is coming off the underside...! how does that make any sense?? totally worth an argument... :)
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
They may be gender stereotypes, but they apply in a whole lot of our cases, and it sure sounds like they apply in this case. I agree wholeheartedly with Dear. I also suggest you consider the idea that you are two independent people who are trying to figure out how to forge a combined life. That can mean power struggles. And a struggle to identify your new identity. Try to keep that in mind when you're arguing about how important it is to make sure the toilet paper is coming off the top of the roll instead of the underside.
sweet-pea sweet-pea 9 years
I don't agree that men are necessarily the more logical communicators, or that women are more emotional. I consider myself to be more logical as my BF, and he may be more emotional than me. It depends on the person. I'm sorry but these are just gender stereotypes!
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I agree with Dearsugar. However, it does depend on what the arguement is about in the first place. Whenever hubby and I argue, he'll walk away when I get too worked up...because he knows that the only way that I'll calm down is if I'm by myself. Then, he'll come back and try to talk it out with me. Maybe you should try it. Good luck!
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