I've been happily married for ten months now and we dated for two and a half years prior. It's not like we are strangers, but lately when we argue, it's as though we barely know each other. My husband just looks at me and won't speak. I don't know how to get him to talk to me when he's upset. Counsel Me Cara
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Dear Counsel Me Cara
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus - don't you know that! We have totally different styles of communication. While women are verbose and tend to be emotional communicators, men are more introverted, sound and logical communicators. They definitely don't spill their feelings as much and it's not because they don't love us just the same.
Try this: Talk to him when he's not distracted. Make sure he's not preoccupied with getting to his tee time or sitting down to relax and watch football game. Learn what times are quiet and peaceful times for the both of you. Those are the times you'll be able to get his attention and keep it. If he's able to be easily distracted and he doesn't like the topic, most likely, he'll want to get up and involve himself in the distraction.
In addition, bring up the issue when you're both feeling good. Talk about the issue at hand BEFORE you are arguing about something else, so that the actual problem has a chance at getting resolved instead of snowballing into something else.
Lastly, try to make these kinds of discussions shorter. Often, women can go on and on, but men aren't like that. Discuss the problem and try to propose a solution for it. Period - the end.