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Is It OK To Remain Friends With My Ex's Mom?

Is It OK To Remain Friends With My Ex's Mom?

Dear Sugar
I have known my ex boyfriend since childhood and have always been very close with his family. To be honest, his mom and I have a really tight bond, and it is what lead me to dating her son. My boyfriend and I have since moved on, but I have continued to remain in contact with his mother because of our pre-existing relationship. As far as I know, he doesn't mind at all that we are still friends.

However, my current boyfriend of three years has become accustomed to our kinship but he thinks it's kind-of weird. Since I don't have a good relationship with his mom, I think that maybe he gets jealous whenever she and I talk on the phone. I don't ever speak to my ex, and so I don't really feel that I should have to remove his mother from my life. Do you think this kind of behavior is OK? Torn Theresa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Torn Theresa
Hmmm. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is putting you in this position. Don't you wish that you could all just be friends? Even the beautiful Gisele Bunchen remains close with her longtime ex boyfriend's mom Irmelin DiCaprio.

Is your current boyfriend upset because you have a connection to your ex boyfriend or is he jealous that you are not as close with his mother? Have you tried to establish a relationship with her? Has he ever actually come out and asked you to put a halt on this friendship?

The bottom line is that this isn't worth fighting about with your boyfriend. If your bond with your ex's mom is putting a strain on your relationship, I think it is best to lay low. For the couple of great conversations that you might have throughout the year, is it really worth making him feel icky?

Try explaining what it is about this friendship that is so special to you. If he still doesn't feel comfortable, you are ultimately going to have to decide which relationship is more important to you. Hopefully you can find a middle ground so no one gets hurt.

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SevenOver SevenOver 9 years
I had a relationship like this with my ex-boyfriend's mother. He and I had dated for nearly three years, and she and I got along fabulously. I continued my friendship with his mother, until I realized that she was making it awkward for him to date new people. She expected that he and I would marry and was still holding out for that desired conclusion. I knew it wasn't fair to his potential girlfriends for me to remain in the picture, even in friendship with his mom. Also...you've been dating your current boyfriend for three years. If he doesn't show any possessiveness or control issues in any other areas, I'd say your relationship with your ex's mom really isn't worth potentially screwing up a serious relationship. Sometimes love means having to compromise...and you may have to decide which relationship means the most to you and bid a fond farewell to the other.
hazel_eyes_smile hazel_eyes_smile 9 years
I don't think you should have to give up your friendship with this woman just because your boyfriend feels iffy about it. Afterall, it's not like you're still friends with the ex, too! You need to sit him down and talk to him about how important she is to you, and hope that he understands. It also wouldn't hurt to make an effort to get to know his mother a little better.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
isn't jennifer aniston still friends with brad pitt's mom? i don't think this is unusual, but it sucks that your boyfriend doesn't like it. you could just tell him she's been in your life since childhood and his insecurities aren't going to stop you from talking to her. maybe having a nice lunch with him and his mother would help.
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