I will try and make this short and to the point. I married my high school boyfriend almost 6 years ago, after we found out I was pregnant. We have 3 wonderful kids, but my relationship with my husband has been a roller coaster of a ride. My husband has jumped from job to job in the past 6 years, unable to keep a job more than a year. Whenever he stopped working, I would find work until he had a new job — he has not had a job for almost a year.
We have been to the brim of a breakup so many times that it seems like clockwork. Every time I think, this is it, I am leaving, but he ends up getting a job or whatever. This time, it has almost been a year since he lost his job — he is now in a trade school to become a class A driver. I feel bad because we have been through this before, him finding a new dream and me trying to be 100% supportive. Then, back to square one a year later. At this time, we are living in his parents' guest house, they have always been there to help us out. At times it feels like I'm playing house.
About 2 years ago, things got really bad in our relationship. That same year, I cheated on my husband with an ex-boyfriend. It was only a one-time thing, but it was the worst thing I could have ever done, I have regretted it every day since. This past year has been rock bottom in our marriage, to the point it has turned from verbal to physical abuse. My husband found out about my secret about 7 months ago. I had to leave my job because he would call my work and start to yell at me about it.
He said he forgives me, but I am not sure he does. Whenever we have a disagreement, he throws it at me. I know it takes years for couples to work that out, but I'm not sure he will ever forgive me. He thinks our relationship is great, even though everyone else has seen the emotional breakdown I've been going through the past 5 years.
My friends say I should leave, but our folks say we just have to get through this bump and everything will be OK. It has been 6 years. Will it ever change?