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Over Share?

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend continuously asks me about my sexual history. It is not that I do not want to share, but I don't want him to feel insecure because I was his first. I tell him I don't want to share and things just get awkward. I told him it isn't necessary to share but he's really curious. I don't know if I should just tell him or if I should keep it to myself. Help!



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Join The Conversation
JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
Tell him that you want to be just like him when it comes to your past. Some things just aren't meant to be shared. You are with him now and he should not worry about your previous relationships.Now yes, knowing the past of someone you're with IS important. But you should not have to tell every little detail, especially since it's not important or comfortable to talk about anyway.
JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
Tell him that you want to be just like him when it comes to your past. Some things just aren't meant to be shared. You are with him now and he should not worry about your previous relationships. Now yes, knowing the past of someone you're with IS important. But you should not have to tell every little detail, especially since it's not important or comfortable to talk about anyway.
Wontonbear Wontonbear 6 years
Personally I think the past is important information to know when it comes to someone you care about, because the past is what made us who were are today. Regarding this case, if it's his first time, he is most likely insecure. If he asks you, just tell him the truth, you don't have to be specific and I am sure you wouldn't want to be too blunt about it, however, you should also reassure him that there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. If you lie to him and he finds out, you'll be feeling a great deal more awkward when he asks for an explanation. I'm sure there are a few people out there who hope to find someone who will share a mutual first time, but the fact is that love is pretty complicated and unexpected things happen. In the end, it doesn't matter if you share a first time or not, if you truely love someone, you accept them for everything that they are, STDs and all :P
Wontonbear Wontonbear 6 years
Personally I think the past is important information to know when it comes to someone you care about, because the past is what made us who were are today. Regarding this case, if it's his first time, he is most likely insecure. If he asks you, just tell him the truth, you don't have to be specific and I am sure you wouldn't want to be too blunt about it, however, you should also reassure him that there is nothing wrong with being inexperienced. If you lie to him and he finds out, you'll be feeling a great deal more awkward when he asks for an explanation. I'm sure there are a few people out there who hope to find someone who will share a mutual first time, but the fact is that love is pretty complicated and unexpected things happen. In the end, it doesn't matter if you share a first time or not, if you truely love someone, you accept them for everything that they are, STDs and all :P
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 6 years
I do think he is pressuring to know because of insecurities and curiosity. I don't think you should tell him unless you are comfortable and want him to know. And the advice to lie about the number - to reduce it so it doesn't seem so big, that is a big mistake. You cannot build a healthy relationship on a throne of lies. It's better to not say a number than to lie and make up one.
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 6 years
I do think he is pressuring to know because of insecurities and curiosity. I don't think you should tell him unless you are comfortable and want him to know. And the advice to lie about the number - to reduce it so it doesn't seem so big, that is a big mistake. You cannot build a healthy relationship on a throne of lies. It's better to not say a number than to lie and make up one.
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
As long as the OP has been tested for all STI's and is healthy then her sexual history is no one's business unless she feels comfortable talking about it, as I said earlier. It is not necessary for her bf to know intimate and private details of her past sexual escapades or how many partners she has had. I think that he is probably really pressing the issue because he feels insecure because she is his first and thinks that he wants to know the details but if she were to actually tell him he would just feel bad and compare himself to her past partners. This is part of why women often tell their partners that their number is lower than it is. Some men still will judge a woman if she has had what he might consider too many partners, more partners than him or did some kinky stuff that he has never done. Many men have fragile egos and they think that they want to know, but could use this information against you if you get in a fight or secretly judge you. Yes, even good guys are capable of judging a woman based on her sexual history. The bottom line is that if it crosses the OP's comfort line then she is not obligated to tell him anything aside from health related issues such as STI's.
Janine22 Janine22 6 years
As long as the OP has been tested for all STI's and is healthy then her sexual history is no one's business unless she feels comfortable talking about it, as I said earlier. It is not necessary for her bf to know intimate and private details of her past sexual escapades or how many partners she has had. I think that he is probably really pressing the issue because he feels insecure because she is his first and thinks that he wants to know the details but if she were to actually tell him he would just feel bad and compare himself to her past partners. This is part of why women often tell their partners that their number is lower than it is. Some men still will judge a woman if she has had what he might consider too many partners, more partners than him or did some kinky stuff that he has never done. Many men have fragile egos and they think that they want to know, but could use this information against you if you get in a fight or secretly judge you. Yes, even good guys are capable of judging a woman based on her sexual history. The bottom line is that if it crosses the OP's comfort line then she is not obligated to tell him anything aside from health related issues such as STI's.
plasticine1 plasticine1 6 years
anon, i'm pretty sure STDs are prevalent because of unprotected sex, NOT because of "people always get defensive" LOL
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
I don't think you always need to tell. Tell him to get over it or move on, in my opinion.
mix-tape mix-tape 6 years
I agree with Studio16. I don't tell friends or strangers details about my sex life. You should feel comfortable enough with a partner though to tell them your history. I'm not saying you need to tell him the nitty gritty details, but you can give an estimate if you feel insecure talking about your past.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I think you're a little confused, lauraxtc. No, a lady never talks about her sexual history...to people who have nothing to do with it. I don't tell my parents, friends, and random strangers about my sex life. But I would tell the man I was sleeping with.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I think you're a little confused, lauraxtc. No, a lady never talks about her sexual history...to people who have nothing to do with it. I don't tell my parents, friends, and random strangers about my sex life. But I would tell the man I was sleeping with.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
Never tell. Period. Men will always hold it against you. A lady never tells her past sexual history.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 6 years
Never tell. Period. Men will always hold it against you. A lady never tells her past sexual history.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I'm really disturbed by the number of women saying not to tell him.Will it make him insecure? Maybe. Is it his business to know? Yes. If I were in a relationship with a man and he was my first, I would want to know his sexual history, and he would have the same rights if the situation were reversed. I'm sorry, but if you're sleeping with someone, you have every right to know his or her sexual history.
Studio16 Studio16 6 years
I'm really disturbed by the number of women saying not to tell him. Will it make him insecure? Maybe. Is it his business to know? Yes. If I were in a relationship with a man and he was my first, I would want to know his sexual history, and he would have the same rights if the situation were reversed. I'm sorry, but if you're sleeping with someone, you have every right to know his or her sexual history.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
Your sexual life is your business. I think that telling him would be a big mistake, especially since you were his first sexual partner. My advice would be to tell him to stop asking because you are not willing to share that information. However, if he keeps bugging you, then, lie. Reduce the number if need it, that way he won’t feel insecure. Insecurities do not mix well in a relationship, believe me.
totygoliguez totygoliguez 6 years
Your sexual life is your business. I think that telling him would be a big mistake, especially since you were his first sexual partner. My advice would be to tell him to stop asking because you are not willing to share that information. However, if he keeps bugging you, then, lie. Reduce the number if need it, that way he won’t feel insecure. Insecurities do not mix well in a relationship, believe me.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It's none of his business. It's not your fault you are more experienced than he is. As long as you are clear about your health, you owe him nothing regarding your past personal experiences. I would wonder why he keeps asking...maybe he's curious and wants to experiment with other women since he's only had one, and asking you your number may, in his mind, give him "permission". Seriously, he needs to let it go... if he keeps asking you, I would bail... no respect for privacy, and too controlling for me.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
It's none of his business. It's not your fault you are more experienced than he is. As long as you are clear about your health, you owe him nothing regarding your past personal experiences. I would wonder why he keeps asking...maybe he's curious and wants to experiment with other women since he's only had one, and asking you your number may, in his mind, give him "permission". Seriously, he needs to let it go... if he keeps asking you, I would bail... no respect for privacy, and too controlling for me.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
Suggest you tell him that "The past is another country and they do things differently there". I am slightly concerned about what will be the next issue he will nag you about and make you uncomfortable. ANy relationship also requires a degree of privacy.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
Don't tell him unless you really want to. There's no reason that is so important he has to know.
staple-salad staple-salad 6 years
I understand why you're uncomfortable, but it is something that he should know. You know what they say in health class, once you've slept with somebody, you've slept with everyone they've slept with. He's probably either just curious, or wants to make sure there's not going to be any STDs in the relationship.While sexual history is personal, it's something that a partner would need/want to know for personal health reasons.Just wanted to throw that out there.
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