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Phone Sex Phobia

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend lives across the state. Since it's about a four hour drive door to door, we don't get to see each other as much as we would like to. Usually it averages out to be almost every other weekend. Occasionally he asks me for phone sex, but I try as best I can to avoid it if possible.

I don't know why, but I am so shy about it. I love my boyfriend and feel totally comfortable around him, but I am just not very confident talking dirty. To be honest, if he really wants it, I usually have to down a couple of drinks to get loosened up. Do you have any suggestions for me? Whimpy Willemena

To see DEARSUGAR's answers

Dear Whimpy Willemena
If it's just occasional, then give the guy what he wants. If you need a few drinks to loosen up, so be it. Be a sport - wouldn't you rather him be calling you for sex than hanging out at the local watering hole with a bunch of random girls?

Rent a porn and listen to how the people talk to each other. Try it once and see how you feel. Of course it's totally embarrassing, but there's women out there who claim dirty talk is empowering. Give it a go.

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Join The Conversation
sleepy87 sleepy87 8 years
I agree with all of the above! but if it doesnt feel right maybe you could send dirty emails to him or instant messages instead?
Brittany14706805 Brittany14706805 8 years
i agree ive been with my bf for 5 yrs now and im so comfortable with him that if he ever asked me to do that i dont know what id do! Id be so shy about it and id probly have to take a couple drinks also. it is just wierd thinking of myseld doing that cuz id also be like wtf this is the guy who sees me do every emabarrasing thing, every detail, even though i love him to death i dont know. Id actually be more ok doing it with a person i had just started dating sine they dont know u completly yet. Doing it with someone who i know so well and who knows me so well just seems awkward.
amanda02215 amanda02215 9 years
I totally understand your situation. I was in a long distance relationship with a boyfriend for four years and every so often he'd want to have phone sex, but I was completely uncomfortable with it. Like you, it would take a few glasses of wine to open up and be able to go through with it, but during I was still really nervous about the whole thing. I think it's just a strange feeling knowing that the same person you moan dirty things to over the phone you also go to wal-mart with in your sweats on saturday mornings to buy dog food and paper towels. It almost feels like you are living two different lives with the same person... and that's a wierd feeling sometimes! I think, though, that you have to remember that your boyfriend loves you unconditionally, and while you may be embarassed because you don't know the 'right' things to say to him, EVERYTHING you say on the other end of that phone sounds sexy to him. Trying new things with someone, no matter how long you've been together, will only bring you closer. And, who knows, the more you do it, the more you'll be used to it, and you may start to like it! Once I started to enjoy it, I definitely had a much better time having phone sex with my boyfriend instead of taking care of things alone!!
Thoia Thoia 9 years
I too am very shy about phone sex. Mostly because I never know what to say, to me it all feels very stupid, coming up with a scenario. I guess my imagination is just lousy... My best advice is to skip the porn movies (don't they just say "yeah, baby, that's right" in those anyway?) and read some erotic short stories instead. That inspired me a bit, everything happens more slowly in a short story and I think the sex part is much better portrayed.
M155-J4CK13 M155-J4CK13 9 years
I used to have no problem with phone sex when I was involved in short-term relationships. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 5 years now and I have never been able to do it with him, for some reason. Perhaps it is because we know each other so well. I would probably end up hysterically laughing, thinking about the most recent funny thing he said or did. In any case, a few drinks will probably help you out.
Marci Marci 9 years
I think this is a tough one for you. It's really a shame about the distance with your boyfriend since phone sex is something you seem to be truly uncomfortable with. We don't all like the same things sexually, and for you, it's phone sex falls that you are uncomfortable with. And it does sound like you're trying! Try the porn thing, I guess. And the cocktails help, I'd imagine. If it's an occasional thing, then you can muddle through it because you care for your boyfriend.
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