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Not Physically Attracted to Boyfriend

Group Therapy: I'm Not Physically Attracted to My Boyfriend

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

To cut straight to the point — I don't find my boyfriend physically attractive. On the other hand, I don't find him unattractive, and he certainly has features I like. I love his smile and I often find him cute, but I just don't have that objective attraction to him. To put it simply, he's not my type. If I didn't know him, I wouldn't pick him out of a crowd. He just doesn't have some of the features I've always looked for in a man (superficial things — like pecs and biceps).

However, we still have an amazing sex life. And I'm quick to initiate and participate.

Most of the time I think I'm just being wayyy too over analytical. It's really not something that is affecting our relationship. Normally this isn't something I would spend too much time thinking about. I have a feeling I might be now because he continually compliments me on my appearance and face and body. He's attracted to every part of me. And it makes me wonder if I should feel the same way. Thoughts on this?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Join The Conversation
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
OP; I think, although I might be wrong, that there might be something more to this that you aren't saying. What else is there about your boyfriend that you enjoy, outside of physical appearance? Great relationships don't just stand on this alone, and a lot of girls who don't find their guy physically attractive are STILl attracted to them because of something else, such as emotional attraction. They have great conversations, always have stuff to talk abuot, have just enough things in common, etc. While this is a lot deeper than what's on the outside, there must be a reason outside of his looks that you decided he'd be great boyfriend material. Whatever that is, exploit it, and remember that everytime you think about why he isn't what you want. Because unless you sculpt him yourself, he'll always be who he is, and although most of us have to learn to love those little things that don't fit in our wants, not everyone will be willing to do that. You don't have to feel the same way he does; as long as you appreciate what you have. Be thankful, and like I said, remember why you got together with him to begin with.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
OP; I think, although I might be wrong, that there might be something more to this that you aren't saying. What else is there about your boyfriend that you enjoy, outside of physical appearance? Great relationships don't just stand on this alone, and a lot of girls who don't find their guy physically attractive are STILl attracted to them because of something else, such as emotional attraction. They have great conversations, always have stuff to talk abuot, have just enough things in common, etc. While this is a lot deeper than what's on the outside, there must be a reason outside of his looks that you decided he'd be great boyfriend material. Whatever that is, exploit it, and remember that everytime you think about why he isn't what you want. Because unless you sculpt him yourself, he'll always be who he is, and although most of us have to learn to love those little things that don't fit in our wants, not everyone will be willing to do that. You don't have to feel the same way he does; as long as you appreciate what you have. Be thankful, and like I said, remember why you got together with him to begin with.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
I think if you find it a problem, and it is something you constantly focus on and think about, then you need to move on because it isn't fair to him to have his girlfriend constantly thinking he isn't attractive enough for her. If it isn't something you constantly focus on, and it only comes up every so often, and it really has no bearing on your relationship, then just focus more on the good things you two have, and don't worry about it.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
I think if you find it a problem, and it is something you constantly focus on and think about, then you need to move on because it isn't fair to him to have his girlfriend constantly thinking he isn't attractive enough for her.If it isn't something you constantly focus on, and it only comes up every so often, and it really has no bearing on your relationship, then just focus more on the good things you two have, and don't worry about it.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
If you are happy and feel you can remain happy despite the shortcomings you see now, stay with it. Men are visually driven, so, his compliments to you are natural to him. You don't have to return them, he would be surprised if you did. However, if you consider this for a long term relationship, the fact that you are pointing out flaws now in the short term, does not bode well for your ability to avoid finding more flaws as you learn more. It appears that sex is the biggest part of your relationship, so, odds are it won't last long on that ground alone. If you don't connect soulfully, this relationship will end and you'll be on to the next hook-up. So, don't worry, be happy.
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
If you are happy and feel you can remain happy despite the shortcomings you see now, stay with it.Men are visually driven, so, his compliments to you are natural to him. You don't have to return them, he would be surprised if you did.However, if you consider this for a long term relationship, the fact that you are pointing out flaws now in the short term, does not bode well for your ability to avoid finding more flaws as you learn more.It appears that sex is the biggest part of your relationship, so, odds are it won't last long on that ground alone. If you don't connect soulfully, this relationship will end and you'll be on to the next hook-up. So, don't worry, be happy.
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