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Pillow Talk: Will He Call?

Will he call? It's an age-old question, and one that women who are dating tend to ask and analyze a lot, filled with an anxious and exhilarated mix of hope, worry and excitement. If the phone doesn't ring soon after the date, we can find ourselves wondering if we did something wrong, if we misinterpreted something, if they really liked us at all. And sometimes, these tense questions and their focus keep us from being in touch with how we felt about the date, the conversation, and whether or not we're even that interested in him.

New romance and its possibilities often lead men and women to obsess and fantasize, and this is perfectly natural. In fact, it's a biological response. You're experiencing elevated levels of dopamine and norpenephrine, and lowered levels of serotonin, during the early stages of a romantic encounter. Remember, this means your brain is unusually focused and flooded just now. Try to use this energy for something constructive. As much as we are creatures of nature and biology, we are also creatures of intellect, imagination, and resourcefulness.

Please don't assume you've done something wrong if the phone doesn't ring. And if it keeps not ringing, don't let your default setting be that you're undesirable, unworthy, or uninteresting. Dating is the practice of discovering for yourself who will be a desirable and worthy partner; it should not be experienced as the practice of failure, despair, and self-criticism.

If you've had a great first date and a goodnight kiss, of course you will expect a phone call; you will probably hope and wait for one. But doing nothing else while waiting and hoping for that call is gonna make you a nervous wreck. Keep busy in rewarding ways. Tend to the details in your life that matter to you, too. Challenge yourself to let him be one of the things you think about, not the only thing. Go out with friends and leave your cell phone behind; you know how to have fun, whether he's leaving a message or not. You can hope without waiting and without unraveling.

I'd love to hear some details about positive ways you've handled that waiting period, and ways you've handled it that you'd prefer not to repeat. I've got a long list of both, trust me. It's one of those things my friends and I are always trying to be saner, stronger, and more sensible around, and I mention this topic here in hopes that there really is a way to bring more polish and pride to that inevitable waiting period!

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