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There's No Place Like Home

There's No Place Like Home

Dear Sugar
I have been married for two years and just had the most wonderful baby this past May. We had to move to the east coast for my husband's job and I am terribly home sick. I am having a hard time meeting people despite my efforts at being a part of my community. To make matters worse, my husband is on medication for a hyperactive thyroid.

That combined with recently having a baby is taking its toll on our sex life. I want it, but he continuously rejects my advances which makes me feel unattractive and unloved. I have been finding myself thinking a lot about my ex and wondering if I would have been happier with him. I know that my thoughts and feelings are out of control and I am hating myself for thinking about another man. What should I do? Lost Leanne

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lost Leanne
It sounds like you could you be suffering from postpartum depression. You have made many life changes which are bound to be stressful and quite overwhelming so try not to be too hard on yourself. Is this a permanent move or is there an end date you can look forward too? Starting a new life and making new friends will not happen overnight.

Being a part of the community is a great start; try joining a mommy and me class which could be good for both you and your baby. Have you talked to your husband about your feelings of rejection? Make sure he knows what you need from him and that his support is very important to you right now. It is normal to day dream and think of "what if" when you are not in a happy place.

Are you having thoughts about leaving your husband or do you think these are just growing pains? Have you leaned on your family or friends for support? Perhaps you should look into seeing a therapist so you can speak your mind and work though your feelings of isolation. I am sure with time you will find your niche, and remember, your friends and family are only an airplane ride away.

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lolak lolak 9 years
Hi Leanne, First of all I'm so sorry you are going through this, I don't actually think you have postpartum depression it's pretty hard to make all these changes in such little time and know that you have been forced to make them instead of choosing them. Try to hang in there a little longer, have some patience with your husband, as long it's because of the medication that he's not in the mood. Also keep in mind that he has been going through these changes with you and he may not be so happy about them either. The best thing to do is talk to him about it without making it sound like he's to blame, ask him how he feels about all these changes and don't be afraid to admit to him that you are in need of a little reassurance. About the Ex thing, well I think that's normal, I think that at one point or another when we are down we tend to wonder what our lives would have been like with someone else or somewhere else and as long as you don't act on it irrationally or just to scape reality then you will be fine. Remember that you cannot scape reality so after you do something you shouldn't have you have to go back and deal with the same situation and now on top of that, with the guilt that you created for yourself. Deal with what you have in front of you and you will see that there is nothing else anyone or anything else would have changed it, like it or not this situation is yours and it's up to you to see how you are going to mold it to benefit you and your family better. Make the best of what you have, take over it and don't let it take over you. Talk to hubby, help him too, he may feel bad to know that you are a little down because of his job change and he may feel responsible and sad that he can't make you happy. He may also feel useless that he has to depend on pills to be healthy, you know men hate depending on something. Good luck to you and your loved ones. I'm sure you guys will be very happy, very soon.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 9 years
That's a difficult situation. I hope things get better for you. Hang in there!
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