A few years ago I found out that my husband was on cocaine. I guess I chose to ignore it and thought it will get better. It didn't. Things only got worse between us. We fought all the time, never agreed with each other, didn't even have sex. Five years ago I started a relationship with someone from my past, an ex boyfriend. He knew I was in a relationship. But we didn't care. We had a sexual relationship off and on for five years. During those years, he had a child with another woman and my husband went to rehab and relapsed several times. He is currently 30 days sober. Despite all this we continued to have a relationship.
Sometimes I felt that we had more than sexual attraction. I don't know if he felt the same way, he never told me. I found out recently that I am pregnant. I know 100 percent that it is not my husband's child, we weren't having sex. I told my husband that I am pregnant, I am not sure if he was so high the past few months that he doesn't remember that we weren't having sex and thinks it is his, or is just ignoring the fact. I told the father of the child but he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. He gave me half the money to have an abortion. I went but I couldn't go through with it.
I am scared and not sure what I should do. Tell my husband that this child isn't his and send him back into relapse? I have texted the father of the child a few times, but all he writes me back is that he hates himself, his life, and his choices and he wants to kill himself. He doesn't care if I keep the baby or not or what I do. I texted him today and told him that I wish I could talk to him face to face and get everything off my chest, he agreed only because he says he has nothing to say to me, he texted everything he wanted to say and has nothing more to offer. I don't know if I should meet him or not.