Hello. I am 32 and live in a new city by myself. I have been living here for about one year so far. I have been dating people off and on and rarely ever have intimate contact. Well last month, I was with 2 guys (at least 3 weeks apart). One guy was an ex from my hometown and the other guy is someone new that I recently started dating 2 months ago. Well, the problem is that I don't know which one I conceived with. I'm so ashamed. The sex was safe except a few times with new guy, it was not. Also, I'm dealing with the anniversary of a time in my life where my last boyfriend beat me up and nearly killed me and I think I was just reaching out for physical security. I've never been pregnant and this is all new for me.
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I am not committed to either one and am having serious doubts about telling either one that I am pregnant. I want to end it because this was not planned and the pill totally backfired. What a joke. I found out yesterday and am so freaked out. I am considering the option of keeping it just because I'm not getting any younger and some women can't have a child. I am not settled at all in relationships and can't believe this happened while dating. I'm still pretty early, like 2 or 3 weeks. I don't know if I should tell the two guys because I'm scared that they may challenge me or just treat me like trash and offer me money to get rid of it. Come to think of it, I haven't even heard from either one of them in over 2 weeks. I also am afraid of what people may think. That I came all this way to get this great job and now I'm knocked up and don't know who the daddy is. I don't want to spend a pregnancy with this question and shame hanging over me. I don't want to spend a life raising a child a lone and constantly fighting for child support. I don't want to be a single mother. Frankly, I don't feel attached and already contacted a clinic to schedule an appointment to discuss my options. I am not married and I hate that I'm not even in a relationship. This would be so much easier if I were in a relationship with the guy. Help me please. And PS. I'm afraid to talk to anyone I know because I'm not really close with my mother and don't want my friends to know this. They are all married with kids and living cookie cutter lives and this would be just another excuse to look down on me . . . Poor . . . so and so . . . she's still single and pregnant . . . Shaking their heads . . . Then I think of the defenseless life inside of me. Don't even know what to do . . . Any advice is appreciated.
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