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A Prisoner in My Own Home

Dear Sugar
I need advice and I don't know where to start. I have lived with my husband for 19 years and we have three sons: 18, 15 and 10 years old. Last month I came home from work, it happened to be my birthday, and my husband wasn't home which was very much out of character for him.

A group of my friends came over for a dinner that he had planned for me, yet he never showed up. As all of my friends were leaving, he walked in the front door. After my ranting and raving and questioning where he had been, he told me he was at the police station being charged for raping a woman 17 years ago.

Needless to say, I was shocked and horrified. He has to wait until next month to appear in front of the judge. Since then, we haven't slept in the same room, gone anywhere together and I never leave home without my children. I am living with severe stomach pains, and all we do is argue.

I have not been able to confide in any of my friends as I am so ashamed, so they are all mad at me and feel like I am ignoring them. My husband swears he is innocent, and I want more than anything to believe him and put this in our past, but something is telling me he isn't. I love my family and want the best for my children and simply don't know what to do. Ashamed Annabelle

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Ashamed Annabelle
I always say listen to your gut instinct, so if you are doubting your husband's word, get out of this relationship ASAP. Although you love him and want this to all be a bad dream, you have to face reality and do what is best for you and your children.

It sounds like you are suffering from severe stress and anxiety. Do your kids know what is going on? Separating from your husband might be a good idea until the trial is over. You can make a better decision about your future if you take a step back and re-evaluate all of the facts.

Since you are keeping all your emotions bottled up inside, I suggest seeing a therapist to learn coping skills for your feelings and also to help you get some of your aggression out. Stress can do a number on your body so try to take some time for yourself, as hard as that might be.

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