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Not Ready For Marriage

Sunday Confessional: He Wants to Get Married, but I Don't

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I have been dating a guy for 7.5 years. We have not married yet because we met when I was very young — just 16. Now that I'm 24, he has been saying things like "We should get married soon." Even though I'm very happy and touched that he wants to marry me, I feel like I am not ready to marry him.

Part of it is because I myself do not feel mature and ready to be in marriage, to be someone's wife. I feel as though that is a whole new set of responsibilities, despite how long we have already been together, and I need more time to ready myself mentally.

But secondly, I also I feel like I'm not 100% sure about entering a marriage with a few current things going on in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I can't absolutely trust every single word coming out of his mouth, and sometimes he seems to doubt what I say too. We have had a history where we both caught the other person lying a few times. Plus he's in a career highly popular with women wanting a piece of him (and his co-workers) and in order to fit in with them he is required to spend a lot of time partying and they always bring a lot of beautiful, sexy women to the parties. That in itself makes me hesitate.

On top of it all, I am a jealous and insecure person, and I want to conquer those inner devils the best I can before I step into a life-long commitment.

At this point I have probably made you all think that I'm a mess and so is our relationship, but I would still like some honest advice. Thanks in advance for even reading all this.

There's lots of cool stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

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nana-ama nana-ama 4 years
honey plz b open to him and let him no u nid a lil bit of tym and am pretty sure it may bee bcuz of d presure he may b getn from d oda women thats y he wants to get married honey i wud tak d chances and get marreid.and also feeling insecured alot is a way to kill a relationship so plz watch it.lol
reesiecup reesiecup 4 years
I echo the above comments. There's no need to rush in to any type of commitment without taking time to think it through. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years and we've talked about the idea of taking the next step in our relationship (moving in together or marriage) but we both recognize that we still have some areas to mature first. I have goals that I would like to accomplish in my career and insecurities I would like to overcome before sharing my life with someone else. Talk to him about your concerns. If he's on board, then he'll wait. If he's already considering spending "forever" with you, what's a few years in the grand scheme of things? Best of luck!
jenjen82 jenjen82 4 years
I applaud you for being so self aware just as the other poster mentioned. The fact that you guys met sooo young are in a long term relationship at 24 has some rare odds against it in my opinion. I would keep your eyes wide open in self discovery and awareness of your growth and change as an adult. Chances are you may grow apart as you grow into your mid 20's and 30's. There is no need to rush into marriage.
testadura67 testadura67 4 years
You sound incredibly mature and self aware for 24. Do you think you'd want to marry him down the line? If you're both working towards that common goal, you should be fine. Just explain your reasoning to your boyfriend and say, these are things I want to work on, both in our relationship and on myself, before getting married. That's how mature relationships work. Communication, compromise, and moving forward and changing together.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 4 years
You sound really thoughtful and mature about your relationship! 24 is still young to get married, and while it might be right for some people, it's not for everyone. Maybe talk to him and just tell him you're not ready yet- say that at this point you're not ready to make a commitment, but you're willing to talk about it again in a year or two to see where you stand. And if it gets to the point where you don't think you can see yourself with him for the rest of your life, break it off, no matter how much you feel like it's the right thing to do. Marriage is forever!
livinlife1985 livinlife1985 4 years
I don't think you or your relationship sounds like a mess at all, it actually sounds very normal :) You sound like a very honest and reasonable person. I think you holding off on getting married is the best thing. When the time is right you will know. If he cannot understand this then it might be time to just move on. Don't let him pressure you into getting married. You have your whole life ahead of you, it's your choice....it's your life
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