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Relationship Protocol: Do You Compare Your Current Relationship to Your Past?

As far as sharing relationship histories with each other, I tend to believe that some things are better left unsaid. But just because you're not saying it, doesn't mean you're not thinking it. Considering your past relationships in contrast to your current situation can actually help to illuminate the good things you have now or the ways you've changed. On the other hand, there seems little reason to dwell on the past when you're building your new relationship in the present. So ladies, once you're in a new relationship, do you put your past out of your mind? Or do you find yourself naturally making comparisons between your current relationship and your previous ones?

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sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Only how much better it is than anything else I have ever been involved in.
ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
i think that it's kind of to be expected that we do this, but for myself - it's more to see that i realize what i put up with back then and what my priorities are now, and how i've changed. my fiance is SO different from the guys that i used to date or even the guy that i was engaged to right out of college - so it's all for the better i think.
macchiatolove macchiatolove 7 years
I think it's very difficult not to compare - it does help to be aware of warning signs that a relationship is becoming unhealthy. I have no desire to get back together with any of my exes, so if I was constantly thinking that my boyfriend (if I had one) wasn't even as good as them... well, he'd be pretty lame! I think once you've found someone you want to share your life with, the comparisons will always be favourable, and in my mind it's natural to think how lucky you are compared to before. It's really only a problem if you're thinking that the current relationship is starting to remind you of previous relationships in a bad way, or if you're starting to fall into a similar pattern
macchiatolove macchiatolove 7 years
I think it's very difficult not to compare - it does help to be aware of warning signs that a relationship is becoming unhealthy.I have no desire to get back together with any of my exes, so if I was constantly thinking that my boyfriend (if I had one) wasn't even as good as them... well, he'd be pretty lame!I think once you've found someone you want to share your life with, the comparisons will always be favourable, and in my mind it's natural to think how lucky you are compared to before. It's really only a problem if you're thinking that the current relationship is starting to remind you of previous relationships in a bad way, or if you're starting to fall into a similar pattern
babysoftpink babysoftpink 7 years
I am not in a relationship now so there is nothing to compare. But I do think about my past relationships, some of the pain inflicted onto me was at times very unbearable. I would prefer that they never happened. Some say that you won't treasure what you have today if you've always had it good and never experienced the bad before. I disagree. Any sane person can tell the difference between good and bad and would treasure the good when it comes. I seriously don't need to have all the bad to tell the goods. I can just tell the goods without the bads. It's not what they said that matter, It's not even what they did that matters. What matters was the overall feeling you took away from the relationship that counts. Good is good. Bad is bad. Grays are also bad too. I do think about my past relationships and only hope that if I do compare, the future one is going to be a lot better. I believe in myself. :)
psterling psterling 7 years
I do compare relationships, I can't help it, its natural for me to be very analytic. However, my relationship with my husband blows any other relationship I've had out of the water.
RubberDogTurds RubberDogTurds 7 years
Yes but in a good way. I look back and see how much I've learned and how I've made better choices.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 7 years
I did at first, then i realized there was no comparison ;)
baybelle baybelle 7 years
Only to say "Thanks the Gods!!" Sometimes I miss some of the good stuff - my ex used to like poetry and literature and my husband just doesn't read (but I think that is about missing the poetry and the literature, and sure and heck not the man!!). Everything else more than compensates ;-) !
baybelle baybelle 7 years
Only to say "Thanks the Gods!!"Sometimes I miss some of the good stuff - my ex used to like poetry and literature and my husband just doesn't read (but I think that is about missing the poetry and the literature, and sure and heck not the man!!). Everything else more than compensates ;-) !
candace87 candace87 7 years
Well I would hope that if anyone's sitting around comparing and saying "Wow, my ex was so much better!" that they would end that current relationship as it just wouldn't be healthy or fair to the other person. A little comparison of how your current guy is better is alright though, in my opinion:)!
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 7 years
Of course. I think each relationship should teach you something about yourself, or about other people...or both. Thats the whole point of dating, figuring out what you want and what you dont want in a person
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Sometimes I do find myself comparing my current relationship (marriage) to my past relationships. I learned from my mistakes, and I've come a long way.
HeidiMD HeidiMD 7 years
I used to, but my relationship now is incomparable. My fiance is above and beyond anything I wanted and expected in a relationship. I didn't have horrible ex-boyfriends, but I realize now how much I was settling for.
CYL CYL 7 years
Just that I noticed how great my current man is compared to my exs ;) But I do miss some parts of my other relationships...but you can't pick and choose the best part of a relationship and compare it to your current one because you forget about the crap with the previous one with time...(if it was a good break) and its not fair to the current guy.I also think once in a while "I would SO never date that guy if I met him now.. 5 years later"
CYL CYL 7 years
Just that I noticed how great my current man is compared to my exs ;) But I do miss some parts of my other relationships...but you can't pick and choose the best part of a relationship and compare it to your current one because you forget about the crap with the previous one with time...(if it was a good break) and its not fair to the current guy. I also think once in a while "I would SO never date that guy if I met him now.. 5 years later"
iamangiepooh iamangiepooh 7 years
This is something I struggled with for a little while because my ex was my first real relationship. I was really scared that I was going to compare every guy to my ex because I really loved him at the time. All my worries have disappeared since I met my current boyfriend. He treats me like a princess, and I couldn't be happier. I don't compare the relationships, but sometimes I think back and realize how good I have it now.... :)
Neekoh Neekoh 7 years
sometimes i compare, even if it's just to say "thank god i got out of that last one." because i realize how much more i have now.
skigurl skigurl 7 years
yes, comparisons are natural, but like lovely, i think about how much BETTER my current relationship is i don't think i've ever dated someone and thought back to how my old relationship was better...because if i thought it was better for some reason then i'd know there was a problem in the current situation...come to think of it, it has happened once, and i ended up getting back with my ex after 2 weeks of "dating" this new guy...the new guy solified my love for my ex....that was in my younger years though!
skigurl skigurl 7 years
yes, comparisons are natural, but like lovely, i think about how much BETTER my current relationship isi don't think i've ever dated someone and thought back to how my old relationship was better...because if i thought it was better for some reason then i'd know there was a problem in the current situation...come to think of it, it has happened once, and i ended up getting back with my ex after 2 weeks of "dating" this new guy...the new guy solified my love for my ex....that was in my younger years though!
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 7 years
i jsut keep thinking about much betetr my current one is :)
Deidre Deidre 7 years
No, not really. I agree that you have to remember your own past mistakes to make sure you don't fall into old patterns. But I'm very glad that I dated around for a couple of years inbetween serious relationships -- it allowed me to really be ready for something completely new. I know in my situation that I would have fallen into old habits if my past relationship was on the forefront of my mind when diving into a new one.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
Marni. I can completely understand. I do compare but I am better off where I am now than where I was with my ex. I wouldn't go back. I just sometimes to remember some things that get me at times.
lauraxtc lauraxtc 7 years
Marni. I can completely understand. I do compare but I am better off where I am now than where I was with my ex. I wouldn't go back. I just sometimes to remember some things that get me at times.
princess_eab princess_eab 7 years
Yes - I feel like I have to be conscious of the past, if only to avoid making the same mistakes. It's always a positive comparison though - in that I'm not longing for the past *at all*.
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