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Religious Parents and Moving in With Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Religious Parents and Moving in With Boyfriend

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 27 years old, have no financial ties to my parents, and have been living away from home since I was 18. I have gone to college, grad school and have traveled around the world. My boyfriend and I met 3 years ago, and we have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 years. We lived together (without my parents knowing) for 8 months before I moved away to pursue studies, which confirmed being in a long distance relationship was worth it — although it was early in the relationship, and definitely the 'honeymoon stage'. I am now returning for one month to the city where my boyfriend lives and my parents live. I have chosen to move in with him for a month, before I move away for another program, and he will move in with me in 5 months, indefinitely. We hope to get married in a year or two, but are more concerned about being financially stable with careers, and ensuring it is what we both want.

When I told my mother I was moving in with him, and not them, she was so angry with me and said some pretty hurtful things (i.e. I hope you never marry him). It's been a constant struggle, since she has never approved of him, with never any reason given (and trust me, he is a stand up guy — smart, funny, sweet and kind, comes from a good family). I think because I am the baby of the family and have always been so close to her, she feels like I am dissing her or no longer care for her. What makes it especially tough is that she is strict Catholic and was raised in a Muslim household, and me choosing to live with my boyfriend before I get married is a giant slap in her face, with respect to her beliefs, especially in the same town.

To see the rest of the dilemma,


My father is also Catholic, but is much more ok with it. I firmly believe in living with someone before getting married, but don't know how to reconcile my beliefs with my mother's. I still value their advice and opinions, and I so badly want to have a good relationship with them, but by me choosing to live with my boyfriend, I am going to ruin my relationship with my mother. The amount of hurtful things that have been said to my boyfriend by her, makes it even more difficult to discuss the situation with my boyfriend, since I know how hurt he has been by the things she's said, and how unwelcomed he has been into my family. Moving in with my parents instead for that month is not what I want, since I miss my boyfriend so much — 2 years of a long distance relationship is not easy, and all I want is to spend time with him and become reconnected again.

Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

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