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Roll the Dice

Dear Sugar
I have been dating someone for three years, and I am very happy in my relationship...he is supportive, smart, and makes a great living, as do I. We have started talking about saving money to buy a house but there is one problem; his father is a gambler and has started, and failed, many businesses leaving him in serious debt.

I know my boyfriend continuously gives handouts to his dad to help him pay off the debts. By doing this, he makes it extremely difficult to save money for our future. I am torn about this situation because it is so difficult to think about the future knowing he will always have to bail out his dad.

Since settling down and saving money is important to me, do you think that I should I break it off with him? It seems ridiculous to think so since I love him, but it's just that I will have to deal with his father's money issues for the rest of my life. He denies this is a problem, but he has done nothing to prove me wrong. In the Red Rita

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear In the Red Rita
I completely understand your concerns here. How long has your boyfriend been doling out money to his father? It sounds as though he has a serious gambling problem that needs to be addressed immediately. Does your boyfriend know that feeding into his habit is only making it worse?

Since saving money and having a secure future is of high priority to you, you are going to have to make a decision. Have you asked him if he is willing to change his behavior for you? I know that you love him, but you need to realize that his failure to deny his father financial backing is a real problem. This could hinder your lifestyle and your security in the future.

I am sure your boyfriend feels some sort of power and self worth from his father since he relies so heavily on him, but he needs to understand that he could potentially lose you as a result. Sit down with him, make sure he understands where you are coming from, and listen to your gut instinct. If you think he can change his behavior, you're in luck, but try not to second-guess your initial concern about your future because your apprehension is extremely valid.

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