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Sex Q&A With Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez

Dr. Natasha Answers Your Sex Q&A

We're excited to welcome clinical sexologist and author of A Little Bit Kinky, Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez, for a week of guest blogging. Today through Sunday, she's answering the questions you asked last week.

Q: I have a boyfriend who keeps bugging me about a threesome. How do I tell him that he's not getting one until we're at least engaged? We've been together for seven years now and the threesome is a very special thing to me, I don't want to participate and then have him get used to it, then he'll be wanting it all the time! Also, how do I find a girl without going through Craigslist?

A: If you do it once, he might expect it again. Who's to say how he will react. These are the risks, and it sounds like you are using the engagement card to push things along and rightfully so, it's been seven years. I suggest you do all your fooling around before you get married in case your relationship doesn't survive it. As to how you find a girl? I'd just play it safe and go to the Bunny Ranch in Carson City, NV, where you can hire a girl legally to fulfill the fantasy.

Q: The first time my bf and I had sex, we tried a bunch of different things and it was completely amazing. Guess we were inspired, and I discovered that I love dirty talk. Since then, I've asked for it a couple of times, but he could never really get into it again. When I tried to initiate it he would laugh, which quite frankly hurt my feelings (though I can see why it would jar him, since he sees me as "a lady" outside of the bedroom). How can I get him to feel comfortable with it again?

Get the answer after the jump.

A: Tell him you are going to play a sex game and you want him to rate from one to 10 each scenario, one being OK and 10 being off the charts. Try out one new thing per sex session, and have him rate it. Compile a mental list of what's working and stick with those. Tell him he is not allowed to laugh at you because it hurts your feelings, and don't get discouraged, keep trying until you can comprise a top 10 list.

Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez is one of the nation’s leading sex experts and a certified clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality. Her new book A Little Bit Kinky is an imaginative and open-minded guide to exploring new possibilities in the bedroom and healthier relationships. Visit her online at

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