I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and we are engaged. He is about to turn 27 and me 24. When I met him I was crazy over him, he was nicest most honest man I had ever met. I did everything I could to win his love and well I did. But as we became bf and gf I started noticing that he took too long to do things, like for example, he took long to tell his parents about us. His parents are the pastors at the church I go to. Then also it took him a long time to start showing me off as his gf. I didn't mind at first cause I know how things are at church and how it's better to keep this stuff private but after a while I did tell him that it was taking him too long to introduce me as his gf to the church. He finally did it.
Long story short, I was dying for him to propose, I wanted a wedding sooooo bad! I felt lonely, I felt so ready to start a life with him and even though he would talk about it all the time he didn't make a move! So I kind of started throwing hints here and there that I was ready for it and I wanted him to make a move. When I saw that he wouldn't I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to be in this relationship anymore and that I wanted more and he was just not giving it to me, but I didn't want to break up with him I was just letting him know how I felt.
A few weeks after that he proposed. I will not tell you about that because it was absolutely not what I had hoped for and I really felt like he was just trying to get it out of the way. When I told him how I felt he said he "didn't go all out" because he thought that anything would do it as long as he proposed and that I was gonna take it any way it came. I wasn't happy about it, I cried and cried and felt not worthy of a real proposal and I felt so bad. I tried to let it go but since then I just don't feel the same about him.
We have never had sex, we wanted to wait until we are married. I was so excited about a wedding at first, we started planning and looking for venues and all that stuff. We have been a little intimate a few times after we got engaged because it was really hard to be next to each other and not touch each other but nothing out of line, never. But lately I'm just not excited about anything anymore. I told him I thought I was ready but I'm really not and that I want to wait on this wedding stuff a couple of years. We started growing apart and lately it's just like I can't stand him anymore, I don't want to kiss him I don't want to tell people I'm engaged and he is super nice to me and tries hard to do sweet things to make me happy but I'm just never satisfied.
Let me mention I was a romantic when I started dating him and would always do sweet things for him and I would have a hard time getting him to do stuff for me, his excuse was that he wasn't used to it. He killed the romantic I was and now I just don't want to do anything for him anymore. I know he loves me to death. But I keep thinking there is more to life. I want that movie kind of love . . . The love that burns inside, that drives a guy crazy for me that I don't have to tell him what to do he just does it cause he lose me. I have a nice guy, he is honest and had a very pure heart but nothing makes me happy and I don't know if I am just being selfish or what I'm soon fused. Sometimes I just want to be single and meet new people and wait for that guy that will sweep my feet off the ground but I might have him in front of me and don't even realize it.
Am I being too hard on him? Or am I living in a fantasy world and this is what love is supposed to be like? I don't want to make a mistake, he doesn't deserve to be treated the way I have lately but I just can't help it. Has anybody ever been in this situation? What should I do?