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Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend For New Guy?

Group Therapy: Long-Distance Boyfriend or Friend Crush?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been dating the same guy for 4 years, and up until now, I've always thought he was the one I'd end up with. We've met each other's families and we've talked about marriage seriously. I should also mention that we're in a long-distance relationship, and have been since we began dating, first in the same state, but now (for a year) in different states. We've been having a LOT of problems lately. I don't feel like I can tell him things I would be able to tell any friend, sometimes because I feel like he doesn't care about what I get excited about, and sometimes because he might judge me or persuade me not to think the way I do. We're very different. I'm a creative mind and he's a logical thinker. We don't have very many of the same interests, but when I visit him in his state, we have an incredible time together. I've been told that's because it's like a vacation, so we're both at our best.

Here's the rub: I recently spent time with someone I've known forever. He's a guy who's a friend of my family's and he's fantastic. We have TONS of similar interests, and he's very laid back and spontaneous, like me. However, he's a few years younger than me, but completely mature for his age. I never looked at him in a romantic way until he told me he's completely interested in me and would love to give 'us' a shot. Recently, my boyfriend and I have been having so many fights, we've stopped talking. I'm going to visit him later this month for a week, but I fear the romantic chemistry won't be there anymore, especially because I can't stop thinking about the "new" guy. I'm afraid I was only with my boyfriend for so long because I liked that he had a stable profession and he's the same religion as me, etc. Now that there's someone else with similar credentials, my heart is fleeting to him.

Should I be single? Should I contact the new guy, even though I already told him I need to try to work things out with my boyfriend? Should I give my boyfriend another shot?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
I agree with Gabriela. Also, if you do decide to try the "take a break" route suggested by soulsearcher, make sure and be honest with him that you want to date other people while you're on a break. I think after 4 years, you definitely owe it to him to be honest about how you feel - not only about him, but about the fact you're having feelings towards someone else. It might be that you just need a break to discover who you are (you don't say how old you are, but you've probably changed a LOT in the last 4 years) and you could then realize you want to be with your current BF, the new guy or even by yourself.
EvieJ EvieJ 5 years
I agree with Gabriela. Also, if you do decide to try the "take a break" route suggested by soulsearcher, make sure and be honest with him that you want to date other people while you're on a break. I think after 4 years, you definitely owe it to him to be honest about how you feel - not only about him, but about the fact you're having feelings towards someone else. It might be that you just need a break to discover who you are (you don't say how old you are, but you've probably changed a LOT in the last 4 years) and you could then realize you want to be with your current BF, the new guy or even by yourself.
Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine Gabriela-Une-Vie-Saine 5 years
Talk to your current BF before pursuing the new guy. No matter how bad your relationship is, it's not fair or right to start something new while you're still with someone else. Explain to your BF how you feel, talk it out, and if you decide it's not something you can fix, then go for the new guy. Good luck!!
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Tell the boyfriend you are worried about your relationship and are thinking about dating someone else. After four years its worth it to take that kind of risk because you'll get an answer. The boyfriend will straighten things out with you because he'll think you're worth it, or he'll break it off and you can stop wasting any more time with him and start with someone new,
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 5 years
Doesn't sound like it will work out with this current bf. I'd tell him you want to take a break from eachother, see where you both are in a few months, and try it out with the new guy.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
The old guy sounds like worth tossing. Explore and get to know the new guy more. If he's not right, there are others. Don't settle for someone who isn't precisely what you want. That person is out there.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
The old guy sounds like worth tossing.Explore and get to know the new guy more. If he's not right, there are others. Don't settle for someone who isn't precisely what you want. That person is out there.
katialoves katialoves 5 years
try to see how much your current boyfriend cares. are you irreplaceable to him? since you seem comfortable with the idea of being single, why dont you have a talk with your current guy about what he sees for the future. do you know when he would want to marry and are you happy about that? do you have a long term plan where to live (together)? if you are disapointed with the chat you could take a break
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