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Should I Get Back Together With My Ex-Boyfriend?

Group Therapy: Should I Get Back With My Ex?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Here is the story in a nutshell. I have A LOT of history with my ex-boyfriend (on and off for 5 years), we will call him Billy. Billy and I have been through so much together and I have and always will have strong feelings for him. I know that this sounds silly, but I know that he is my soul mate.  

Right at a year ago I started dating someone else, we will call him Nick. Nick is great and for the most part he treats me wonderfully. A few months ago I did start noticing things about Nick and our relationship that made me second guess everything and question myself if I was just settling. I will be 30 in a couple of years and I want a home, family and a husband. Nick lives in another state which would require me packing up my life and moving for a man. Nick met my entire immediate family a few weeks ago and they do not like him for some reason. My mom and brother have been acting somewhat distant, and I know it's because for some reason they do not like Nick.  

Keep reading to hear the rest of the dilemma and offer your advice!

Back to Billy, his brother and my best friend are married to each other and so it never fails that we see each other at family functions. Here recently Billy and I had a chance to sit down and talk for several hours about life and what each of us had been doing. To arrange this talk, he had text messaged both his brother and my best friend and asked them to leave the room so that we could talk. We discussed many things including us. Over the past two years Billy has called me twice saying that he wanted to marry me and that we should start dating again. A few weeks of talking he would drop off the face of the earth with no explanation and leave me heartbroken. For the most part Billy has been a constant disappointment but we still have feelings for each other. The night that we had our talk he told me that night and again the next day that as long as I was in a relationship, he would not pursue a relationship with me. He didn't want to disrespect me or the other guy like that. Billy recently had something very bad happen to him that made him realize what he wanted in life and what mistakes in the past that needed fixing. He was very open with me and told me that he wants a wife, a family and a home. As do I. I saw my current boyfriend that next weekend and things were so strange. Nick was not himself, very short with me and had a VERY bad temper. He maybe said a total of 20 words to me the entire weekend.  

My question is this: Given that my current relationship is not going so well, should I move on to my ex and give that another shot? My ex Billy will always be in my mind no matter who I am with and being with him for the rest of our lives is what would make me the happiest than anything else in the world. I'm just confused as to what to do now? Please help me.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
I agree with BiWife: give yourself some space, from both of these guys for a while. I personally wouldn't consider what Billy is doing 'romantic', and I definitely wouldn't approve of this 'on-and-off' courtship. If a man wants something, they go out and get it. If they don't, us women make excuses about what could be going on with them. If Billy seriously wanted to marry you, he already would have. If you give both of these men some space and really let them prove their worth to you, I guarantee you you'll find out all you need to know. It sounds like something is really bothering Nick, and you're neglecting him in a small-ish sort of way. Be the girlfriend he needs and get to the bottom of it. And if in the end you don't love him, then let him go. Billy: regardless of what happens in his life, his choices have already proven that he can't commit to anything properly. Do you really want that in a man?
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
I agree with BiWife: give yourself some space, from both of these guys for a while. I personally wouldn't consider what Billy is doing 'romantic', and I definitely wouldn't approve of this 'on-and-off' courtship. If a man wants something, they go out and get it. If they don't, us women make excuses about what could be going on with them. If Billy seriously wanted to marry you, he already would have. If you give both of these men some space and really let them prove their worth to you, I guarantee you you'll find out all you need to know. It sounds like something is really bothering Nick, and you're neglecting him in a small-ish sort of way. Be the girlfriend he needs and get to the bottom of it. And if in the end you don't love him, then let him go. Billy: regardless of what happens in his life, his choices have already proven that he can't commit to anything properly. Do you really want that in a man?
danielle317 danielle317 4 years
I think you should give it a try with "billy" if it doesnt work out then at least you dont have to wonder what might have been.
sarah12b sarah12b 4 years
My family has never been around Nick without me there. They did not say anything to him about Billy. They have no way to contact Nick nor do they know that I recently talked to Billy. They just flat out don't like him for some unknown reason. Its hard because I know I should probably not be with either guy right now but I think that whoever I am with I will have regrets and thoughts of Billy in the back of my mind forever. I mean its been 6 years and the feelings are still there. :(
BiWife BiWife 5 years
sounds like you should be with neither. I don't know what makes Billy think that he can just woo you for a few days at a time whenever he feels vulnerable, scared, etc. He may have had something terrible happen to him that has made him reevaluate his priorities, but that doesn't mean they're in their proper place right now. It sounds like he's running back to you because you've always been there to swoon over him whenever he shows the slightest affections and makes some grand statements of future commitments (note those are future commitments, not commitments he's making right now, as he's coming to you at a time when you're already taken & he knows it). I would also talk to your current bf & ask him if any of your family members have talked to him about your relationship or "billy" recently. I bet part of his surly attitude has to do with knowing that you had some major conversation with your ex that you've not discussed with him yet. Then bluntly inform your family that you'd prefer they not meddle in your relationships & try to chase of guys they don't like.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
sounds like you should be with neither. I don't know what makes Billy think that he can just woo you for a few days at a time whenever he feels vulnerable, scared, etc. He may have had something terrible happen to him that has made him reevaluate his priorities, but that doesn't mean they're in their proper place right now. It sounds like he's running back to you because you've always been there to swoon over him whenever he shows the slightest affections and makes some grand statements of future commitments (note those are future commitments, not commitments he's making right now, as he's coming to you at a time when you're already taken & he knows it). I would also talk to your current bf & ask him if any of your family members have talked to him about your relationship or "billy" recently. I bet part of his surly attitude has to do with knowing that you had some major conversation with your ex that you've not discussed with him yet. Then bluntly inform your family that you'd prefer they not meddle in your relationships & try to chase of guys they don't like.
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