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Should I Give a Birthday Present to My Ex?

"Should I Give a Birthday Present to My Ex?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex and I were together for about 10 months, except for a brief break in February when I ended things because I thought I didn't have feelings for him anymore. At the time, he was very upset and tried to change my mind, but I stuck with my decision. After a few weeks, though we started seeing each other again, so we were together — but not officially "dating" — until I ended things again two days ago. I just didn't see it working out in the long-term, so I thought it was better to end it now instead of letting it drag on.

I still love him so much, and I miss him, and I wish things could be different. He was really upset when I broke up with him for the second time, and I feel horrible — like I led him on by trying to get back together with him. He's (understandably) very angry with me, and thinks that I was just using him as a friend with benefits. Now his 21st birthday is coming up, and I kind of want to get him something. Is that a good idea or no? Since he's feeling so angry and hurt, do you think I should just keep my distance?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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testadura67 testadura67 4 years
You broke up with him, let him go. Indulging your own needs isn't fair to him. Continuing to make gestures that show you care once you've told him you don't want to be with him is just playing games with his head. Be kind and just let him go. No present. No phone call. Don't drag it out. Meanwhile, find something to occupy your time so you don't dwell on someone you know it won't work with. Being the person who ended it doesn't exempt you from being hurt by the situation. Find a way to heal on your own, but allow him to do the same as well.
Raynne413 Raynne413 4 years
Don't give him false hope, which a gift would do. It's cruel.
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
I agree, don't send him mixed messages. I know that if my guy broke up with me, then turned around and gave me a birthday gift, I'd be really upset and confused. If you feel like you must do something, I would just send a text wishing him a nice day.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 4 years
I think you should keep your distance as well. Everything Henna Red said. He's probably quite angry with you right now and might not react well.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
No, bad idea. and yes, just keep your distance. I don't know if he will want to be friends eventually, but at this point, it's much too soon. Giving him a gift, now, will be sending a mixed message. You've broken up with him, and now it's time to leave him alone to deal with his anger and hurt. He's going to do that better without your presence. You might consider a simple card with an I'm sorry it didn't work out message and wishing you all the best on your birthday. You know him best. If he's really angry, then it's best to not prod him. good luck
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