So, my live-in boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago, got back together, and we are currently doing couples therapy.
When he moved out of the house I was devastated. We live far away from both our families, and we do not have many friends here, so I was alone. My mom had to come and stay with me for almost two weeks. It was funny because as I was feeling better and healing, he was getting worse everyday. He asked me for another chance, we "dated" for a few weeks and then he moved back.
I do love him, I like the idea of a future with him, I can imagine our kids, we get along great, he is my best friend . . . but I can't let go of a thing he did in the past. When we met we were very young, he was 19 and I was 21. We are now 26 and 28. He is really attractive and gets a lot of attention. I don't mind that other girls flirt with him, but when he flirts back it drives me insane. During these years he has kissed two other girls. He says nothing else happened with them, but I was not there and I've always had some doubts.
Now that we decided to give ourselves another chance, he has been amazing. I've been making a major effort to make things work, but I'm always thinking that eventually, he will hurt me again, or he will leave me again. If this happens, I will not be as hurt as I was months ago. I no longer depend on him and I know I'll be able to go on with my life, but I feel like I don't want to have my trust broken again.
I had an individual session with our therapist last week and he told me that before we go see him again as a couple, I need to figure out if I really want to be with him and stop spending money on something that won't work if I don't want it to work. And I seriously don't know if I want to be with him or not. Like I said before, I love him, I like the idea of a future with him but I don't know if I'll be ever able to trust on him again.
Please help me!! I'm over-analyzing every little thing we talk or do together to know if I want to be with him or not! How do you know if it is worth it? How do you know if it's worth the risk of getting hurt again?