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Should I Move In With My Boyfriend?

Group Therapy: To Move In or Not?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Recently my boyfriend of around a year and I started talking about him moving into my house (I own it). My roommate just happens to be my best friend, and when I asked her about it she reinstated the fact that she doesn't really like him, and she thinks it's a bad idea, and hopes that we never end up together. My roommate has a boyfriend as well; he lives close to her job and so for 6 out of the 7 days a week she stays at his place. We hang out about once a week now, although we still communicate everyday, I still feel close to her but not a close as we were when we were both single (go figure).

Well I decided I wasn't ready for him to move in and told him we should put it off for a little, he was very understanding and agreed. We decided to just keep things the way they were. This was about 3 weeks ago now, and I have not stopped thinking about it since then. I have put a lot of thought into it and I really want him to move in now. I have asked friends and parents and almost everyone I know about this and I keep getting mixed reviews, but do you think it's a bad idea if my boyfriend moves in with me?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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karlotta karlotta 4 years
Why are you letting anybody's opinion sway such an important life decision? Just do what YOU want. It took a long time for anyone in my life to warm up to my shy and a bit weird boyfriend, so at first everyone was against our relationship. 6 years later, we proved them wrong. You know what's best for you. If there are doubts, then heed them; if there aren't, then why are you asking us?
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 4 years
Well personally, I think you should think very hard about the pros and cons of him moving in with you. Then share them with a close, and unbiased friend, to get feedback on how you view the situation (and how others view it, too). After a year of dating my boyfriend, we both had thought about moving in together. But in the end, due to pressure from everyone, I decided to hold off on it. We were upset for a little bit, but it didn't matter so much because we still had each other. And we decided that we'd give it another year, and if we still wanted to move in together by then, then we'd do it. I suggest you hold it off for a year or so. You have your boyfriend, and that's what's important. So there's no need to rush anything.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
Generally speaking, if a solid number of your friends don't like your guy, the problem is not with your friends. It's always a red flag for me when someone says their parents or friends hate their boyfriend.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
As far as best friends go, she's giving you advice based on her own lifestyle. Despite the fact that you've been with this guy for long enough, she's had plenty of time to get to know him. So she doesn't like him, but she lets you have your life by letting you date him. I believe this is a similar situation, and the only difference is that now HER life is going to change, especially if you decide you want your man to move in. Now, if I copy and paste what I just said and shuffle a few words...: Despite the fact that you've been with this guy for long enough, she's had plenty of time to get to know him. So she doesn't like him, but she SHOULD let you have your life by letting HIM LIVE WITH YOU. It's your place, and he's your man. If you're really set on having your best friend be comfortable with the change, chat with your friend about giving your guy a chance. Maybe even set up a time frame for him and her to get to know each other better and when the time is up, recalculate her decision. If you let your man know, he could help with trying to get on her good side too. You should probably talk to her about her situation with her man too. You mentioned she spends more time with her guy than she does with you, or even at the place you guys share. Does she really get much of a say in who should move in or not if she's not there 90% of the time?
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
As far as best friends go, she's giving you advice based on her own lifestyle. Despite the fact that you've been with this guy for long enough, she's had plenty of time to get to know him. So she doesn't like him, but she lets you have your life by letting you date him. I believe this is a similar situation, and the only difference is that now HER life is going to change, especially if you decide you want your man to move in. Now, if I copy and paste what I just said and shuffle a few words...:Despite the fact that you've been with this guy for long enough, she's had plenty of time to get to know him. So she doesn't like him, but she SHOULD let you have your life by letting HIM LIVE WITH YOU. It's your place, and he's your man. If you're really set on having your best friend be comfortable with the change, chat with your friend about giving your guy a chance. Maybe even set up a time frame for him and her to get to know each other better and when the time is up, recalculate her decision. If you let your man know, he could help with trying to get on her good side too. You should probably talk to her about her situation with her man too. You mentioned she spends more time with her guy than she does with you, or even at the place you guys share. Does she really get much of a say in who should move in or not if she's not there 90% of the time?
dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
Talk to your friend. She needs to understand its your life and your house. You can't be living with her forever. Until your 50 with bad teeth and denture glue. C'mon. Life goes on, and you'll both get married someday, both get boyfriends and so on. I'm not sure what's at the bottom of it, but only you can find out by opening up the lines of communication. I'm only jumping to conclusions, but seems to me that you'll be upsetting the balance of HER life so she is motivated against him moving in. I had a few friends/roomates do this to me in the past when I had a nice boyfriend that got serious. They get even worse when you start talking about diamond rings. Watch out for the claws.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
Talk to your friend. She needs to understand its your life and your house. You can't be living with her forever. Until your 50 with bad teeth and denture glue. C'mon. Life goes on, and you'll both get married someday, both get boyfriends and so on. I'm not sure what's at the bottom of it, but only you can find out by opening up the lines of communication. I'm only jumping to conclusions, but seems to me that you'll be upsetting the balance of HER life so she is motivated against him moving in. I had a few friends/roomates do this to me in the past when I had a nice boyfriend that got serious. They get even worse when you start talking about diamond rings. Watch out for the claws.
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 4 years
Why do people not like your boyfriend or don't want you to be with him? It's missing from your post. I would advise you to just do what you want, it's your life and your decision in the end. Why do you need reassurance from everyone you know that you are doing the right thing? Don't you trust yourself?
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
Are you planning on kicking out your roommate if your boyfriend moves in? Reassuring her that you won't, or coming up with a plan to handle that issue with her could help smooth things out between you two.
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