This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
I recently just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. The only problem I'm starting to have is that I'm starting to develop feelings for my other ex-boyfriend, the one I was with with before my 3-year relationship. This is my first time having contact my other in ex in 3 years. We've seen each other in passing, but didn't really speak because I was too scared to say something. I dont understand theses feelings. I can honestly admit that I never really got over this guy, even when I was in a 3-year relationship with my other boyfriend. I would think about him from time to time. I think I actually liked him better than my boyfriend.
As all these years went by without us speaking, I'm mature enough to want to get closure on things I never got say when we broke up. I was 18 at the time and now I'm 22. Im not the same person from that time period in my life. I've matured and been through things, and he has a son now. What do these feelings mean? Do I really miss him? I mean he contacted me first. For some reason we always find our way back to each other. He was like my first boyfriend or real crush in high school. I feel like no other guy I met understands me the way he does, even through all the other guys I dated. I swear I tried to completely forget about him, but I can't. Even the 3 years we didn't talk still had me wondering what if. I hate the fact that he does have a kid now, so that definitely is different for me to process.
I'm not thinking about getting into a relationship with him because I just got out of one a month ago. Today was our first day texting each other since 2010. Regardless of what happens, all I really want to do is get a few things off my chest and tell him how I really felt about our breakup in 2009. I never really got a chance to tell him because I cut off all contact with him to heal. I've done enough healing and now I want answers.
Since I've been out of my current relationship, it has made me have an epiphany, I would like to reconnect with the people I loved the most, and lost contact with through the years, and this includes my female friends too. Being in a long term relationship like that made me forget about a lot of important people I used to have in my life who are still trying to make an effort to be there. My boyfriend doesn't give a damn about me anymore and it's nice to know that other people do at least. I'm not doing this because of lonliness or trying to find a rebound guy. I just want to see where people are in their lives now after so many years of us not talking much. I'm mature enough now to want to reconnect with people because if this was me like 4 years ago, it would be impossible.
Am I wrong for having a new outlook on life to mend relationships? Life is too short, and I'm just trying to be happy no matter what.