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Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Dear Sugar
I have been hanging out with this guy for a few months now and I am really starting to like him. Before we met, I have to admit, I was a little promiscuous, but he made me want to change my ways. He's showed me how wonderful and satisfying it can be to settle down and commit to one person. He gives me the attention I have always been craving and I feel amazing.

I gradually gave up all my friends and my old ways so I could spend as much time as possible with him. He lives an hour away but that never stopped me from seeing him. After three months of dating, we recently had a talk about becoming exclusive. It was my idea but when I brought it up he told me that he's still not ready. As it turns out, he is still "trying" to break up with his ex girlfriend. I know that should have been my cue to immediately leave, but I told him I would wait for him.

Last week, I drove out to his house to surprise him ... and his ex was there. I was devastated. We got into a fight and he tried to reassure me he was just trying to break up with her. I feel so lost when we fight. I want to believe he is being truthful so badly because I can't image not being with him. Is he really trying to break up with her? I just don't know what to do. Can you help? Desperate Dina

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Desperate Dina
What is your gut telling you? It sounds like you know this isn't right, but you just don't want to be without him. As hard as it might be, I think that before you become even more emotionally invested in him, you need to think long and hard about what's going on. Liars can't be trusted and I think you and I both know that he is not being honest with you.

If he really wanted to end things with his ex girlfriend, they would be totally broken up by now. I worry that he is taking advantage of your feelings toward him and that he's just going to continue to string you along.

As scary as it feels to be without him right now, you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. You have changed your dating lifestyle once before, you just need to find that same confidence and do it again. Try to rekindle your old friendships and rebuild your support system. It's not right that he is making you wait on the sidelines only to commit when the time is right for him. You deserve to be put first.

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