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Should I Stop Hanging Out With My Brother's Ex?

Should I Stop Hanging Out With My Brother's Ex?

Dear Sugar
In December my brother started dating someone who l wound up forming a very close relationship with. We spent every day together and actually became best of friends.

Needless to say our relationship changed a little bit when they broke up seven months later. She took the break up extremely hard and wound up spiraling into a depression that resulted in a hospital stay.

About three weeks after she was released, she called me and asked me to go for a drive with her. She told me she had a secret she wanted to share, but that I was forbidden to tell my family about it. The secret was that she was pregnant with my brother's child.

I couldn't believe it. I tried my best to keep my mouth shut, but I was feeling really torn. This was too big of a deal for my brother not to know about it. Two weeks later I told my older sister who then gathered my brother and I together to call her on speaker phone.

I know that I wasn't supposed to reveal her secret, but she actually claimed that she didn't tell me this news and said that I must have read it in her diary. Why should it matter? That's not even the issue, the issue is the unborn child!

Ever since the call, we've drastically grown apart. We talked about what happened and both apologized. Yesterday, out of the blue she stopped by my house to see me. I was so happy and appreciated her reaching out to me. But, as it turned out, she acted rude and aloof. She basically fixated herself next to my brother on the couch and ignored me.

I am angry and I don't know what to do. Should I drop her as my friend or work on repairing the relationship? Confused Cassie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Confused Cassie
This girl doesn't deserve your time. She has zero integrity. First she doesn't tell your brother she's carrying his baby, then she lies directly to you when you all confronted her and now she's using you to get to your brother. You need her friendship about as much as you need a splinter in your eye.

I am sorry for the loss of your friendship however, I don't see how this is ever going to be a healthy relationship since her ulterior motive is to be close to your brother. Did you ever think about how a break up could impact your friendship?

I hate to say it, but most people know that getting too close to a family member of someone they date only means trouble. I have a feeling that although she enjoyed spending time with you, she also revelled in having first hand insight into your brother's life.

There may have been a saving grace until yesterday. If she was really over your brother and just wanted a friendship with you, then you may have been able to repair the damages. But after her actions yesterday, it is clear that she isn't focused on you. Again, I am sorry. I just have one question, did they decide how they are going to handle the baby issue?

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Join The Conversation
highsociety1 highsociety1 9 years
Oh my, not only is she CLEARLY not a real friend, she sounds a little imbalanced too. As sad as it may be, consider her decision a blessing -- no more ties with your family to her.
haze1nut haze1nut 9 years
DROP HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! and never look back! she seems like a selfish person who has low self esteem and commitment issues. she is not 'sister-in-law' material/'good friend' material and i read your comment about her getting an abortion secretly. that's pretty harsh, she could've at least told your brother! that's some traumatic sh*t, i would at least yelled at her and tell her to get the heck away from your family and your brother!!! even if she's confused and whatnot, that's still not a good enough reason to act like a crazy b*tch. good riddance and i'm sorry for your loss
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
Oh, well then I definitely don't think you should worry about your friendship with her. Wouldn't that be pretty rough on your brother? I hate that people can do that. It doesn't seem fair. If he doesn't want the baby, he's still responsible for it. If he does want the baby, he has no say in whether it lives or dies. Very sad.
bubblygirl bubblygirl 9 years
I'm confused cassie brother knows and he is/was willing to help her w/ the baby but w/ out his knowlege she got and abortion when my brother found out he started crying and didnt talk for about a week and she keeps trying to talk to him and since he wont she either stops by the house or calls my cellphone and try's to get me to get my brother i always say no b-cuz i would be an aunt and he would be a dad but she got rid of it
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I'm so confused about this whole situation. Very complicated. Does your brother not want to be involved with this child? Does she have to go through to get to your brother? Is he willing to communicate with her about his child? If not, and your brother does want the child, is he ok with you trying to be friends with someone who tried to hide his child from him? Anyhow, her reaction to your confession seals the deal that this is someone whose primary concern is herself and only herself. I don't think this is much of a friend. And, besides, I really think at this point, the focus should be on the child.
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