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Signs of Dating a Narcissist

Group Therapy: Was I Dating a Narcissist?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I just stopped talking to my boyfriend about a week ago.  When we first met, he was cocky but very charming, and the charm won me over. There were cinematic kisses, romantic dinners, and hour long conversations almost every night. The red flags, though, came early on. 

During our second conversation, he said I was needy and fragile (I told him I am no such thing!) Another time he said I was pliant. Once when he was being rude, he said I can probably say or do anything, and you'll forgive me. He said I bet you haven't dated anyone like me before. He said that women are interchangeable. He said that he can have sex without emotion. He brought up ex-girlfriends to me; one in particular, he said, "didn't know how to play the 'game.'" I asked what "the game" was, and he said, "oh, you know, and you're playing it."

He prided himself on knowing more about any given subject than anyone else, and will research to know more details and then act like an expert. He put down friends and friends' wives, calling the women needy because they relied on their husbands for emotional support. He said a friend of his was a nice guy, and "nice guys don't get the girl. I'm not a nice guy." 

He kept a tally of how many times he called me vs. how many times I called him. He also drank at least 1-2 glasses of liquor every night. He hinted that there were other women, despite the fact that we were supposed to be exclusive. When I would respond to him, sometimes he would say "you're SUPPOSED to say . . ." and proceed to tell me what he wanted me to say.

It just got to be too much, and I stopped contact with him about a week ago. Do you think I've been dealing with a narcissist? It's hard for me to reconcile the man I met in the beginning, and the man who he revealed himself to be. I still wish we could work it out, but I'm afraid this is who he really is.

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Aquadave Aquadave 5 years
He's a jerk, but he's playing the game, which many women play too. Women no matter what they say, want the "bad boy" they can't tame.I know women that meant nothing to me and I was as rude to them as I could be, just to get them to leave me alone won't, yet The ones I did everything for, was kind polite, paid for everything, gave them tons of respect didn't respect me for that very reason and told me so. Women are complicated men are simple we are just trying to give you what you want. As much as I hate to admit it and want to believe women want a nice guy it just isn't true.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 5 years
He sounds like a dick. I don't know about him being a narcissist, but he definitely seems to have issues. I agree with everyone who said that you should stay away from this dude. My ex-boyfriend was a lot like him, too. I stayed in an abusive relationship for nearly 6 years because I hoped he would be the sweet guy he was when we first started dating. That never happened. He would constantly tell me I was stupid and that other girls were prettier. He would allow his family and friends to disrespect me. He once choked me until I was dizzy. He would tell me that I could be replaced...who says shit like that to somebody they claim to love? I don't know this guy you're involved with but I will say that you should never allow yourself to be disrespected by anyone. My ex-boyfriend was sweet as can be until he decided to show his true colors. Be careful of who you allow into your life.
SheIsSoFine SheIsSoFine 5 years
He sounds like a dick. I don't know about him being a narcissist, but he definitely seems to have issues. I agree with everyone who said that you should stay away from this dude. My ex-boyfriend was a lot like him, too. I stayed in an abusive relationship for nearly 6 years because I hoped he would be the sweet guy he was when we first started dating. That never happened. He would constantly tell me I was stupid and that other girls were prettier. He would allow his family and friends to disrespect me. He once choked me until I was dizzy. He would tell me that I could be replaced...who says shit like that to somebody they claim to love? I don't know this guy you're involved with but I will say that you should never allow yourself to be disrespected by anyone. My ex-boyfriend was sweet as can be until he decided to show his true colors. Be careful of who you allow into your life.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 5 years
What's creepy is when they're nice for a period of time and then they slowly become this way through time...they let down their guard! It makes it harder to fathom.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 5 years
Oh my gosh!!! I couldn't stand that for long!!! That dude is sick & probably very unhappy w/ himself and with the world...especially women. He would probably end up being an abuser, too.
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
I hate guys who tell me they're so good with the ladies, they're amazing, and smart, and charming, and can always get their way, etc. etc. I always think "Actually, I don't see any of that." I think I just have a super-strong repulsion from douchebags. They really repulse me. But I have a very high self esteem, so the moment a men hints he is superior to me, I think he's a waste of my time, and needs to get over his little boy attention seeking behavior. It's an ugly behavior...
Natalie-Love Natalie-Love 5 years
I hate guys who tell me they're so good with the ladies, they're amazing, and smart, and charming, and can always get their way, etc. etc. I always think "Actually, I don't see any of that."I think I just have a super-strong repulsion from douchebags. They really repulse me.But I have a very high self esteem, so the moment a men hints he is superior to me, I think he's a waste of my time, and needs to get over his little boy attention seeking behavior. It's an ugly behavior...
shreerose shreerose 5 years
That's really creepy. This guy sounds like he's a child. Although I can't say whether this guy was a narcissist or not, I'm so SO glad you got out of that.
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
Think he's just an old fashion "asshole". Move along little doggie.
nicole121482 nicole121482 5 years
Why on EARTH would you want to be with this guy??!! He sounds like a total jacka**! Show a little self respect and leave him alone...you never listed one good quality that he had...just the things he did to woo you....try and look past that and see this guy for what he is...a douchebag...
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
abusive*
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
abusive*
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Not only is he a giant asshole, but this guy sounds like he has the potential to be dangerous; his behavior is very adusive. Was he ever physically rough with you? It's good that you left and for the love of God, do NOT go back to him, I am glad you recognize his behavior as not normal.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
Not only is he a giant asshole, but this guy sounds like he has the potential to be dangerous; his behavior is very adusive. Was he ever physically rough with you?It's good that you left and for the love of God, do NOT go back to him, I am glad you recognize his behavior as not normal.
Vampyre Vampyre 5 years
If you stay with him you will be well on the way to an abusive relationship. He may not hit you, but he will spend the entire relationship treating you like crap. He obviously sees you, and most women, as inferior to his "supreme greatness". You were smart enough and strong enough to leave him, so you'll be able to find somebody that treats you with respect.
Trusting1 Trusting1 5 years
Excellent site: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.html That should help you get through some of the crap your emotions are clinging on to about this guy. Your head knows where it's at. In a few minutes/hours/days/weeks your heart will catch up. Good luck!
Trusting1 Trusting1 5 years
Excellent site: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/index.htmlThat should help you get through some of the crap your emotions are clinging on to about this guy. Your head knows where it's at. In a few minutes/hours/days/weeks your heart will catch up. Good luck!
steelmagnolia2011 steelmagnolia2011 5 years
Funny thing, today he called me...he didn't leave a voice mail. I know he's probably just testing me to see if I'll call him back. Typical narcissist behavior: if I respond, it validates his ego. It's been hard not to call him back, but I'm trying to be strong.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
You said it Kuniakasih! He is a total douche, and maybe even a little bit of a basket case. How old is he? It doesn't matter right now. You said there were warning signs early, so you have your answer. This is who this guy is. His niceness may have been part of his "game" or him just stroking his ego of how he could real you in. It doesn't matter. Even if he is a nice guy WAY DEEP DOWN (sorry for the caps, just want to stress the point), he is not mature enough to stop acting like a jerkoff. It is not your job to help him not be a jerkoff. You are smart to get away from him. He sounds like a real whackado!!
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