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Single and Wanting a Family

Rantings of a Single Girl: Feeling Empty

Here's a post from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

I had a wonderful vacation.  Wonderful.  It was so great to see my best friend again and meet my nephew.  We had a great time just hanging out and catching up.  Getting to cuddle with the baby was a great stress reliever as well.  It was so hard to leave and come home.

When I got home, I can't tell you how badly my heart ached.  My house felt so empty.  Sure, Devil Cat was happily waiting on me, but it feels so void of life.  At my friend's house there were people coming by to celebrate the baby.  He was screaming, crying, cooing.  A family was in that home.  My home is missing all that.

Keep reading after the jump.

I say I love my single life.  And I do.  But sometimes it is so hard.  I feel like I'm missing out on things.  Like love.  Life.  A family.  Sometimes I wonder if it will happen for me.  There is a quiet ache in the bottom of my heart for all those things.

I've realized how alone I am.  How my resentment of how others treated me so long ago has left me essentially friendless.  How my distrust of others has left me without love.  Of how much I want and how little I really have.

I used to think I didn't have regrets, but I do.  Not about the choices I've made, but in some of my actions.  I should have learned how to forgive a long time ago.  Maybe I would be on a different road.  Then again, maybe not.  I guess I'm just questioning myself.  Or maybe just going through a little depressed cycle right now.

Even if this is just a phase, I keep asking myself the same questions as I lie in bed every night.  What is life if you don't have someone to share it with?  What is life without someone to love and care for?  How to I bring these things into my life?  I try to take the good with the bad, but right now the bad is weighing on me.  The ache in my heart isn't so small anymore.

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Source: Flickr User katalicia1

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