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Single Women Divided Into Happies and Crappies

Single Ladies: Happies vs. Crappies

There's nothing wrong with being single, so why not embrace it? Just be careful about how you embrace it, argues Wendy Atterberry in a column titled Do Some Single Women Need to Shut Up?

After reading Lea Lane's inspired Huffington Post piece entitled Why I'm Alone, Atterberry applauds a single woman who relishes her independence. A widow and the founder of SoloLady.com, Lane says that she's not aggressively pursuing a mate because she likes being able to call her own shots and she appreciates solitude but also because "life doesn't always wind up the way you expect it to, and you roll with it."

Lane is what Atterberry dubs a "happy" — a woman who is happy being alone but not militantly antirelationship. On the flip side are the "crappies," women who are off-putting in their lack of compromise and self-righteous singlehood. Let's discuss this, shall we?

Not to sound all crappy about it, but what bothers me about arguments like Atterberry's is that you never hear terms like "happy" or "crappy" tossed around about single men. As if men simply choose to be single, while women have to cope with it, deciding to embrace their single status or be bitter. Though I have a lot of single male friends who long to get married, no one ever pats them on the back and tells them what a great job they're doing embracing their singlehood.

So do you think the happy vs. crappy argument holds weight? Do you think there's a double standard when it comes to single men and single women?

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chloe-bella chloe-bella 6 years
I hate the double standard and the pressure to get married in general. I'm a 25 year old attorney and though I have a boyfriend, I'm not married or engaged. I hate it when people ask when I plan on getting married, as if it's just so bizarre that it's not my number one priority in life. The prevailing view in our society is that even if you're the most accomplished person and have an amazing life, if you're not married, there's something sad or pathetic about you (case in point: look at how people view George Clooney being single vs. Jennifer Aniston). It's disgusting. I think that's why some women are what Aterberry would call "crappies" - because they're sick of people feeling sorry for them when they don't view themselves as needing sympathy.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
Oh, I didn't really complete my thought! I think there are "happies" and "crappies" among both singles and those who are coupled.
lilkimbo lilkimbo 6 years
I think there are pros and cons to being single and to being in a relationship and it would make life a lot easier if everyone just realized that, realized that different things are right for different people, and moved on. I love being single. I don't have to worry about what someone else wants to do. I don't have to worry about calling someone and letting him know if I'll be late. I get to be selfish and I like it. Although, I do occasionally (especially now, when I'm looking at new apartments) think about how much easier things would be financially if I lived with a boyfriend/husband/etc.
doleychitown doleychitown 6 years
this article hit home for me as I am 5 months into singlehood. There are some things I absolutely love about being independent and somethings I miss about having that special someone. it is a hard balance when you have such mixed feelings. I never try to talk down to my friends or make their relationships seem trivial however on the other side I think at my age (im young and got out of my first major relationship) I think its important to show you can do things on your own. My mother tells me constantly if you like it I love it and I think thats the best way to look at it
HoneyBrown1976 HoneyBrown1976 6 years
I always say, "Do you". Whatever you want to live or be, fine. Yet, I feel when one over-protests about their happiness, I start to wonder if they are telling the truth.
MSucre MSucre 6 years
I think there really are 'happies' and 'crappies.' But I think it holds for men AND women. The key distinction is that 'happies' aren't anti-relationship and 'crappies' are. I think we could all think of a lot of people, both men and women, who are anti-relationship! They don't only shun relationships for themselves, but criticize or roll their eyes at other more relationship-prone people. The double standard comes in, I think, insofar as women who are anti-relationship are thought to be bitter, whereas men who have a similar disdain for relationships are just bachelors!
McSquish McSquish 6 years
Honestly, I never thought of the double-standard, call me naive, but you're right, its totally there, why? Well gosh, double standards seem to pop up everywhere. I agree to an extent about the biological clock, at least for those of us who want children (I have a few friends who don't want children.) I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, six months ago. I quite enjoy my freedom, independence and not having to plan according to someone else. At the same time, I'm open to having a new relationship, but I'm not aggressively pursuing it because I think I quite enjoy singledom. I have fun with my friends, I stay out late, I stay in and watch a movie, I cook, I bake and no one is the wiser. I enjoy my life, I accept it but I don't "deal" with it or "resign" myself to it, that's depressing. I'm open to the unknown that comes with meeting someone and the compromise that follows. I do, however wonder if I'd find someone else again because I was never one of those girls who had a ton of dates, but that doesn't mean my life is suddenly over. If it happens, it will happen when it does and I'm trying to live my life to the fullest right now. So, not sure if I added anything to the discussion, but those are my two cents.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
Truthfully, I think there is a stigma attached to BOTH single men and women. With men, if a man is still single after a certain age, there may something wrong with him (as the stigma goes). With women, the stigma is discussed in the above posts/links, so there's no need for me to disclose. The issue is that society is couple/marriage-oriented. Anybody outside of that will be marginalized. In fact, anybody operating outside of ANY mainstream value gets marginalized. That's the way it is.
janneth janneth 6 years
To me, one of the main differences is that men don't have a bio clock ticking in the background. Single men and women can have very happy and fulfilling lives, but for the women, they have to consider the family issue long before men do.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 6 years
BTW, single men who do not embrace their single-ness, at worst shoot up aerobics classes full of women at their gym, but usually just film angry rant filled videos on YouTube or write a scrip code to answer every W4M on Craigslist. Do a search on TFL= True Forced Loneliness
tlsgirl tlsgirl 6 years
I think the reason that we don't hear these terms about men is that you never hear men complaining that they're single, getting mopey, whining that all the good ones are taken, etc. Being single really isn't such a big deal, but so many woman wander around acting like they need a man to be complete in life. It's beyond irritating to listen to, and just makes me embarrassed for the whiner.
Chrstne Chrstne 6 years
There will always be a double-standard. I know many men who really do want to settle down, and women who just don't give a crap. Women get the label. It's the 'cool" thing to do. People tend to label women and put them down with their assumptions because they thrive to be strong, while they want so badly to believe women are weak. Anyway, happy vs. crappy. I don't care. I think all single people should realize that while it's nice to have a partner, your entire life is not over. There is nothing to "embrace" or get all pissy over. Just move along with your life as you usually would. Sure, after a break up when you've been with someone for like, 5 years -- be as hurt as you want. Just don't behave as if you will never move on or behave as if you hate love and anyone who has it -- because you will have it again. As for being happy about being single, be happy -- but don't "cope" with it, don't "deal" with it, accept that life has ins and outs, ups and downs, and get over it. Should your actions be labeled? Probably not. Should people learn to accept their life? Yes.
leslievanhouten leslievanhouten 6 years
This is a super old article, that was on the Frisky. I swear this was even linked here, back during the Dear Sugar days. The original HuffPo essay is great; this one, not so much. And it maligns Megan over at Jezebel, completely misreading her response of the Lea Lane article.
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