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Sleepover on First Date

Group Therapy: Did I Ruin My Chances With Him?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!


Earlier this month, I met a great guy who has a lot of the qualities I've been looking for in a partner. We went on an awesome first date; it was really so much fun. Our second date started off great, however I had too much to drink and ended up inviting him back to my place — not something I should have done on a second date.

He came, things seemed to be going well, and he decided to stay the night. Around 2:30 AM, he decided to leave. I had to follow him out because my front door has to be locked manually and since I was half asleep, we said an awkward goodbye. Although we didn't have sex, I woke up this morning feeling awful — like I had ruined my chances of anything real with a wonderful man. Normally after a second date, I would send him a thank-you text, but I'm upset by the whole sleepover thing and don't know how he felt about it.

Am I overreacting? Did I ruin my chances with him? If he doesn't contact me, should I contact him in a couple of days?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 4 years
You could send a hi text or something. But I would try your best for him to call. He'll call you if he's interested.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 4 years
If he were really into you, then think about what he's thinking right now. There's a chance he feels like a doofus for leaving you at 2am, waking YOU up to lock the door behind him, and basically judging YOU for your actions. You need to think about yourself, and if he's not interested and doesn't decide to contact you, don't worry so much about it. Like mentioned, you learn your lesson, and if he had the guts to ask you for a second date, he must have been interested enough to want to get to know you. Use your best judgement and if you feel it in your gut, let him know you're still interested.
Sweet-Words Sweet-Words 4 years
It shouldn't matter. You didn't have sex so it's all good. Just wait for him to text you and show interest again and if he doesn't contact you or starts to act neutral, dump his ass, because this would be the stupidest reason ever for him to lose interest! Seriously it's like any old sleepover!
jazzytummy jazzytummy 4 years
Agree with Karlotta. Honest phone call with no groveling, no texting. If he isn't interested, well , lesson learned for you about too much drinking when out with a guy you barely know but have an interest in.
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 4 years
A quick and friendly "Hi!" to let him know you want to continue communicating wouldn't hurt. But don't get your hopes up too much. Some relationships just aren't meant to be.
karlotta karlotta 4 years
You know what works best in embarrassing situations, and in most relationships in general? Plain good honesty. Don't make it dramatic, but if you could call him and tell him with your voice, not in a text message, what you just told us, I'm sure the guy would be back. Don't go into self-loathing or apologize like crazy, just say how you feel. Wouldn't YOU value that from a guy?
Angelica-Marden Angelica-Marden 4 years
If things were working, and you know it went well, you should reach out to him. He likely felt uncomfortable in your space because he is just getting to know you, and then felt bad about leaving and wasn't sure how you'd react. I don't think think you ruined your chances at all...Text to check.
janneth janneth 4 years
You ask HIM out on date 3, and mention that you never drink that much. Then on date 3, be sure to drink just a little.
katialoves katialoves 4 years
maybe maybe not; but how can we answer when you dont say what you guys did? good talks? you did a sexual favour for him? what happenned until 2?
bisou002 bisou002 4 years
Ugh. Sorry. Yeah, this wasn't the smartest move this early in a relationship. Don't contact him; let him contact you. And seriously, as outdated as it might seem, try reading "The Rules." I read it right when I met my fiance...and I'm getting married in 17 days. Trust me, read it and use it in your dating life!
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 4 years
If I were you I'd just send him a text apologizing for having too much to drink and that you were obviously not in your normal state and hopefully you can make it up to him on a third date.
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