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Staying Friends With Someone You Dated

Group Think: Should We Stay Friends If I Still Like Him?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So this guy and I have dated for about 2 months and he basically says he wants to be friends only. We are both 23, I graduated and am working full time but he's still in school as a double major in the sciences. He says he is attracted to me and likes me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. He says that we should be friends because he thinks I'm a great girl and once in a while we can grab coffee or lunch to catch up.

I like him a lot and really saw that he would make a great boyfriend but he put me in the friend zone. He says that he thinks that he wouldn't be a good boyfriend to me because he doesn't have the time to do things with me. When we dated we only saw each other like 1 or 2x a week and sometimes he would cancel or be late because of school.

I know whatever I say or do won't change his mind so I have no hope for this. But should I continue to be friends with him even though I have feelings for him? I don't mind catching up with him once in a blue moon. Or should I just cut it off completely with him? Part of me feels like if he really did like me he would make time for me. What do you guys think?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.


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shreya13 shreya13 5 years
he knows you like him but don't let him take advantage. He wants to keep you as an option he is so not into you. look around may be someone is actually looking for you??? you never know....
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
Dragonfly had a good comment. If you go out for coffee and then suddenly his new girlfriend sits down with you you'll feel awful. Even if your alone reading a book in some sandwich place and he walks by I would say hi but that its too bad you were just leaving. I wouldn't bother with it so much. If coffee happens make sure you leave him with the tab.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 5 years
It sucks when a guy isn't into you, but it's pretty evident that he's not into you. If you have feelings for him, I'd back off from the friend-zone too and just move on.
Choco-cat Choco-cat 5 years
in a word - NO.
Choco-cat Choco-cat 5 years
in a word - NO.
mix-tape mix-tape 5 years
One of your last sentences says it all. If he really liked you he'd make time. I started dating someone new who is in a serious master's program for nurse anesthesiology and is hoping to go to med school afterwards. I started my master's in architecture. We are both extremely busy people with school and family lives, yet we make time to see each other and go on dates because we genuinely like spending time together. I can really see our relationship going somewhere, but if I didn't I could EASILY say school is too much for me right now, let alone dating. When a new relationship begins most people have to struggle to make time for their regular life they are so wrapped up in their new romantic interest! You deserve someone who will give you the attention you need!
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
I'd leave him alone and if you run into each other on the street and he asks to get coffee and you're up to it, say sure. Otherwise leave him be, and I wouldn't really reach out first. He may have really liked you and just been busy, but it sounds like for whatever it is, he wants to be unattached. It's better to back off than come off as desperate.
genesisrocks genesisrocks 5 years
You can be friends with him if you want but be prepared to see him move on too
Dragonflye Dragonflye 5 years
It'll be all fun and games until he starts dating someone... and then it will feel like a punch in the stomach. And you will resent him AND the new girl. Just move on and save yourself the trouble.
Dragonflye Dragonflye 5 years
It'll be all fun and games until he starts dating someone... and then it will feel like a punch in the stomach. And you will resent him AND the new girl. Just move on and save yourself the trouble.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
There's no need for hostility because he nicely told you how he felt and you're right, if he was that into you, he'd not be cancelling on you in the past, and so on but it is what it is. He's not that into you.If you guys are seeing each other because you date, and he has no big social connection to you, I'd say just forget about him period. Never ask him out for just coffee and lunch in the guise of friendship b/c it'll never work out for you, and yah, just keep saying 'I'll take a raincheck on that' if he happened to ask you for those type of outing (just the two of you).If he's good friend with your friends and you guys bump into each other, just keep things cordial/polite, smile, say your 'hi' but no to just 'the two of you' hang out time.Basically, don't go out of your way to hang out with him.Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
There's no need for hostility because he nicely told you how he felt and you're right, if he was that into you, he'd not be cancelling on you in the past, and so on but it is what it is. He's not that into you. If you guys are seeing each other because you date, and he has no big social connection to you, I'd say just forget about him period. Never ask him out for just coffee and lunch in the guise of friendship b/c it'll never work out for you, and yah, just keep saying 'I'll take a raincheck on that' if he happened to ask you for those type of outing (just the two of you). If he's good friend with your friends and you guys bump into each other, just keep things cordial/polite, smile, say your 'hi' but no to just 'the two of you' hang out time. Basically, don't go out of your way to hang out with him. Good luck.
kimberdoll kimberdoll 5 years
Completely agree with above post.He's not into you, so find someone who can't wait to be a lot more than friends.
kimberdoll kimberdoll 5 years
Completely agree with above post. He's not into you, so find someone who can't wait to be a lot more than friends.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, He’s just not into you. I think you will create a lot of heartache and frustration for yourself if you continue to spend time with this guy. Instead, you should go out and find a yourself a boyfriend. Once you you find a boyfriend that is crazy about you, <I>then</I> you can decide whether to spend time with this present guy.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, He’s just not into you. I think you will create a lot of heartache and frustration for yourself if you continue to spend time with this guy. Instead, you should go out and find a yourself a boyfriend. Once you you find a boyfriend that is crazy about you, then you can decide whether to spend time with this present guy.
Dashygurl Dashygurl 5 years
I would still befriend him but when I want to, and be careful that this don't turn into a friends w/ benefits ordeal bc to me when a guy approach showing interest then state just wanna be friends thats what he is trying to establish with time...So woman to woman keep your eyes open on that como date...
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