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Still a Virgin at 19

Group Therapy: I'm 19 and Still a Virgin

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm not rushing to have sex or anything, but I keep getting backlash from my peers about my virginity . . . like they keep making fun of me because they've all had sex. I want to know how do I deal with these issues and make them understand I'm saving myself until marriage!

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whats-her-name whats-her-name 5 years
Agreed, nightskye992. Sex should not be about pressure, guilt, or any other negative emotion. Sex is a positive thing meant to be experienced as a mutual expression of affection. It has nothing to do with your friends. Like you, I planned on waiting until marriage... that didn't exactly work out like I had planned, but only you can know when the time is right (which I did, and I don't regret it at all). For the record, I was a virgin until I was 20.
nightskye992 nightskye992 5 years
Hey I'm 19 and a virgin too, and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Sex isn't always the only way to be intimate and it is something you should only do when you are comfortable. I have had friends that regret the choices they have made and have had to deal with the consequences whatever they may be. My general rule is if you can't discuss sexual things with your partner openly and comfortably, then you need some more time to get there with them.
soulsearcher83 soulsearcher83 5 years
They may be a little jelous because they gave it up so soon. I waited til 22 and I'm fine with it. No one made fun of me for it and I wouldn't have tolerated it if anyone ever did. Next time someone does it, completely ignore the comment. Don't even acknowledge it was said. Then continue the conversation by switching topics. Don't even laugh or smile at the joke. Completely ignore it. They will get bored with your lack of reaction.
dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
I think the last post is insightful. Its pretty normal to be a virgin at 19 so your friends are really permiscious for thier age. Maybe they think you're better than them or something, or that you'll be placing judgement on them so they are lashing out a little to see how you stand. The best thing to do is be cool about it and tell them you're super picky or something. Sometimes when people play thier virginity card it annoys women who feel thier values are at stake, becuase of their education or other things they bring to the table like money and intelligence or talent, are worth more than an untouched vagina. Sorry but that is the brutal honesty.
KateAthens KateAthens 5 years
Being a virgin at 19 is nothing unusual. Half my friends had sex after 18. It doesn't meant they waited until marriage. Its nothing to be ashamed, but also its silly to be proud about it. It doesn't make you worst or better than a girl that had sex. Well your friends -if its not just teasing- should respect your choices anyway
vanilla19 vanilla19 5 years
I'm 19 and a virgin as well...call me crazy, but 19 is young! If you consider that the average age of marriage in the U.S. is 26, then you have plenty of time to find the right serious relationship. Yes, maybe I'm old fashioned, but sex is something that should be for serious relationships, not something for fun that should be boasted about.
TheEnchantedOne TheEnchantedOne 5 years
Congrats for taking control of your life when some people just always go with the current. Like they said, think of great comebacks. Let them know you're in no rush.
karlotta karlotta 5 years
I don't think a formal sit down is in order. You just have to find a witty come back to deliver with a relaxed smile, to show that their teasing doesn't affect you. The reason why they still tease is because it annoys you; and they like to get a rise. If it stops working, it will stop being funny, and they'll stop teasing. I like Helen Danger's suggestion!
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 5 years
I love Betty Wayne's comeback about, "So when are we going out dancing so I can find me a hubby to lose it to?" Tell them to find you a husband. That's an excellent response.
JJJSisters JJJSisters 5 years
Good for you! For whatever personal reason you have made a wonderful, responsible, great choice. And your friends should respect that. I'm a 24 year old virgin and have been with my boyfriend 2 years (on Wed yay) and thusly, I can name only a handful of my friends that are still virgins. Do I get joked with? Yes, all the time, but in cute teasy ways. The one time I got made fun of in a "sex is an important part of a relationship that you're missing and thus not really in a good relationship" way, I simply struck back saying that person had been with 3 partners by 21 and got knocked up, so was she the best choice for relationship advice? Maybe that was harsh, but people think because they are having sex they are the "norm" and have a right to point your uniqueness out. Just make it clear it's not a joking matter, it's serious. And hold true to your convictions no matter what they say. And if you think it will get harder as you age to be a virgin because less and less friends will be, it is. But, it's also easier, because I see so many friends *think* they gave it away to the right person or just have a string of relationships or go sex-crazy(guy friends Lol) and never seems to be about the love. Goodluck :-)
myhousemd myhousemd 5 years
Let them know that it bothers you. Let them know that they need to respect your decision the same way you respect theirs. You don't make fun of them for losing their virginity, or call them sluts and whores (in a serious way). They should show you the same respect. And if they don't, look for a group of people who will.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
I'm actually going to somewhat defend the friends here. You said they're not pressuring you and I'm assuming you all talk about more than just your virginity. I also think it's great that you've made that decision and are sticking to it. I honestly don't think any of my friends are virgins, if I met someone who was it would seem strange to me. But at the same time, I would respect it. So maybe by joking around about it, they're telling you that they do think it's weird- but they're okay with that and comfortable enough to joke around about it. Bring it up to them, but maybe you could get in on the joking a little too. Next time they're messing with you, be like, "So when are we going out dancing so I can find me a hubby to lose it to?" Or next time one of your friends is bragging about sex be like, "How many is that then? 50? Well I still know my number because it's zero!"
chibros chibros 5 years
They've lost theirs, you losing yours will be a great happiness to them as you've lost yours as well. All you have to do is to give them a serious talk about it. Tell them its your body, its your choice, you do what you want, that they should respect your decision to be what you want. If they don't like it, they should go and hit their heads on the wall.
Mellietronx Mellietronx 5 years
Your friends have a lot of growing up to do
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Lover Of Music, I have found the best way to handle it is say, "Yeah, yeah, hah, hah, go ahead and laugh," and then just talk about something else.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
They lack the mature understanding of the importance of sex to a long-term, full and fulfilling relationship. If you can find someone who also cherishes that intimate sharing, you will be way ahead of them. As the other posters said, stand firm and know that in 20 years, after they've been through 60 "lovers," with names forgotten, you will remember yours because you controlled it yourself.
Lover-Of-Music Lover-Of-Music 5 years
No they not pressuring me 2 do it. they jus keep cracking jokes.........and thanks baby girl and Gdeeaz I definitely will let them know
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
OP, Are they just teasing you, or are they actually pressuring you into having sex with someone? Anyone who tries to force you into having sex with someone is no friend of yours. (And the same goes for drinking alcohol.)
Rjs-baby-girl Rjs-baby-girl 5 years
If they are truly your friends, talk to them and assert yourself. Explain that you've had enough with the jokes and it's your choice and they have to respec it, end of discussion, you don't wanna hear about it ever again. If they keep making jokes, then you know they are not your real friends.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 5 years
If these people are your friends, then you need to get new friends. You don't need to explain your reasons for remaining a virgin to anyone. If they can't accept your choice and they make fun of you, they are not worth your time.
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